Craving some calm. Readjusting priorities. Breaking some habits. Preparing to live more courageously then ever.
With that said:
I just did something I never thought I'd do.
I shut off facebook.
I don't know how long. I don't know if God is leading me for just a day, a couple of days, a week or even longer.
Right now, I just know this is what He needs me to do.
It is hard. Crazy hard for me. As I write that, I feel strange. I'm addicted to social media. Hello, my name is Tracye. I'm addicted.
Yes, I use it for a great purpose. It connects me to family (most especially those we aren't capable of seeing very often at all). It connects me to moms with hearts like my own. It connects me to great resources in my Christian walk, taking care of our home, and educating our children. It connects me to my husband. It connects me to friends that I CHERISH.
Yet, so much lately it has caused heartache. Besides being a time drain, it's a heart drain at times. Right now, while I'm searching, growing, changing, and listening to God....I need some calm. I need to pull inward into my own home, heart, and immediate circle.
I've only been off a whole 5 minutes and I've probably thought about pulling it back up every three seconds. Habit. Need. Countless times I've turned off the computer only to pull it back up on my phone within a few minutes. Time. To. Break. The. Habit.
Enough to know that this was the right decision. Easy? Nope. Right? Yes.
Living out our word for the year is NOT going to be easy. However, if I want my family to live courageously, my husband to be courageous, etc.. being courageous MUST also start with me.
Step one is to give myself some "white space" to be able to hear from God, to hear my OWN thoughts, and to see what my next step is. I can't do that if I don't give myself some space, TRUE quiet.
Two big things that I'm going to miss is the connection when prayer is needed or when I can join in praying for others. Please contact me through other means if a situation comes up! PLEASE. The other thing is the true support I get from friends when I'm struggling or just by seeing their positive posts. I'm going to miss that. It feeds my heart in SUCH deep ways. However, I'm confident God will fill in those gaps!
A few minutes ago, I sat the kids down and told them what I was doing. My daughter's chin dropped literally to the ground. She KNOWS how huge it is----how impossible it feels for her and knowing I'm even more "connected", she is stunned. We both laughed about how much easier it would be if we were on a trip where we couldn't connect or where it wasn't allowed. Yes, that WOULD be easier. However, I'm committed to diving in deep and going where He leads. My heart has known this was the right path for a LONG time, but I didn't have the courage or will power to do it.
I tried doing it "silently", just by not posting, getting on, etc. I even tried doing it be limiting it to certain times of the day or days of the week.
I failed miserably.
This way is what it takes. It provides the accountability.
Yikes.....but oh so worth it right now! A courageous step.