A Tidbit of Honesty

I'm going to be honest, I'm struggling tonight with some heavy things on my heart.  I have a long list (somewhere in the neighborhood of 25!!!) posts that are on my heart to write, but time is NOT cooperating.  I have at least 4 product reviews to write and post and 3 more giveaways to start.  (By the way, DON'T forget to enter the current giveaway here.  It ends on November 6th.)  I WILL get to them.  I'm determined.

Though being overwhelmed with wanting to get posts caught up, I'm stuck on something else.  It's the "Month of Gratitude".  I LOVED doing that last year and it meant so much to me.  During that time, I really had my eyes open to just how amazing of blessings God had been pouring out on us.  Yet, this year I'm torn.  I absolutely am grateful, perhaps more grateful for MANY more things than I have EVER been before.  However, my heart is heavy with the reminders of how incredibly hard of a month last November was for me. 

It was right in the middle of that month of gratitude that our world change drastically.  A "simple" sound of a text that came in at 7:36 on the 14th.  One that I thought would be just typical.  It was anything EXCEPT typical.  It was the actual moment that my life turned upside down.  The moment that our world's came crashing in with the knowledge that something was VERY wrong with Dad's health and in just a matter of days we knew how very wrong it was.  My head still can't wrap around the FIVE weeks portion.

Looking back I am VERY grateful about an incredible amount of things during that time.  I'm more grateful and aware of blessing now more than ever.  It just still takes my breath to think about the month of November.  It's a GREAT month.  One that celebrates what REALLY matters.  It also happens to be a great month---the month I was born---HAHA!  Yet, it stings.  It stings because it is the month that we lost Kevin's mother.  It's the month that started the journey with Dad that we are still stunned to believe. 

So as much as I really want to share my month of gratitude, it's just raw.  Everything is a reminder of what we lost.  It's a reminder of those moments that took my breath away.  Yet, I don't want to let the month go by because more than ever it was full of those moments that God was breathing for me.  It was a month that my eyes and heart were open more than ever.  It's just such a conflict in my heart right now.

There you go....my bit of honesty for the night.