I'm no stranger to drained energy. I have battled lupus for about 16 years now. I'm a mom of 3 kids that are home ALL the time since we have home educated since the beginning. I'm a care give of two under two. Even by purposely stepping back from so many things we used to participate in or volunteer for, life still is packed full and doesn't slow down. So yes, being tired is nothing new.
Yet, sometimes that exhaustion hits really hard. Today was one such day. I'm not in full flare mode, just mild, but these last three weeks have been physically and emotionally draining. We've just had countless situations and stresses attack at once. Murphy's Law has been a frequent visitor. It's just been one of "those" seasons.
One thins that has been VIVID during this time is that despite the circumstances or struggles, JOY has overflowed in abundance. I've not felt defeated or gone into that pit of depression. It's actually been comforting to feel STRONG. Even through hard situations, I've felt a strength that was missing for so long. Kevin has been purposely praying joy over our day before he leaves for work and it's been making a marked difference.
GOD is GOOD! He provides. He fills in the gaps!
Yet tonight, I literally dropped when I came in from playing with the kids and after my "little" got picked up by his Mommy. I wasn't even for sure if I could drag myself to the bedroom.
Tonight (Thursday) is my night off----as it is called in our home. I typically go out and do something for a couple of hours for myself. I typically find a spot to read, occasionally shop, and mostly just soak in some quiet and calm. Tonight, we had to turn mom's night out in to mom's night in because this mom couldn't move a muscle! After a bit of quiet and an amazing dinner my husband brought home for me, I began to feel more relaxed and not as "defeated".
A hot shower is what I thought would be the best remedy.
Oh, it did feel good....but it wasn't the remedy I was needing.
He met me, once again, in the shower. Apparently, that must be the place I think the best and my heart is the most pliable. Must be that as my body relaxes, so does my brain.
The REAL rest I need is from Him.
Over and over, my heart kept hearing, "Come to ME and I WILL give you rest." The entire words of Matthew 11:28-30 spilled into my soul in a powerful new way. It TRULY touched the weary and exhausted places.
"Come to ME all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest....."
I'm physically and spiritually exhausted and HE is the key to my rest.
Sleep and relaxation are very important. They will restore many things and give me the energy to face a new day, BUT....
BUT the true rest comes from Him.
I've not TRULY been turning every thing over to Him. I've been praying and I've been seeking, but I honestly haven't been surrendering. I've been guilty of handing things over to Him and then immediately picking it right back up. The burdens have remained because I've picked them back up over and over.
We've had a recent joke going on in our house the past couple of weeks. I bought a purse from my dear friend moving to South Africa. She LOVED it and I LOVE it. It is VERY large, much larger than what I normally carry on a daily basis. However, I was carrying multiple bags to cover all the needs (mine, books/Bible/devotional studies, baby gear, etc...). This one bag is big enough to carry it all at once. BUT....
It is heavy.
It's jokingly called the suitcase. Instead of saying "Go get my purse", it's "drag the suitcase." When Kevin picks it up, he makes a ratcheting crane motion and sound effects.
It gets the job done. It's fashionable. It keeps me from carrying multiple bags.
I have the option of putting all of my emotional and spiritual burdens and needs in one big bag and letting Him carry it. Instead I hand it to Him, but it in his hands, but then pull it right back out a piece at a time and fill up my own bags. I give Him just a little bag full instead of the whole suitcase. I say, "I trust you". I say, "I believe in You." I say, " I know that You have my best interest at heart and I can give all of me to You."
With my words.
But do I do that with my actions?
Unfortunately, not enough.
I'm carrying the weight instead of releasing it.
I'm saying I trust you with "this" much, but not with ALL.
My need for physical rest is definitely there. However, my heart got the message tonight that my heart needs rest as well.
He's pleading with me to "Come to ME".
Come talk to me.
Come trust me.
Come get to know me more.
Come let me teach you.
Come let my ways be your ways.
Come let my way of gentleness and humbleness be your traits.
You will find rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
The weight can be lifted and true rest can be found. Rest for the heart and rest for the body.