I started this post as a facebook status, but quickly found that I couldn't word it effectively in that "little" space.
Tonight I'm up late with my mind whirling. It has been a long, but amazing day and I'm quite worn out. However, sleep won't come so easily because my brain has kicked in high gear.
This morning our sermon was about wrestling with God.
It can be hard to give up a sin. We can wrestle with that over and over.
However, it can be MUCH harder to give up something that is good.
Do you ever wrestle with the "requests" God makes of us? Do you sometimes struggle with the fact that His ways aren't our ways?
It's one thing to surrender something bad (a sin), but another thing to surrender something good. Some thing such as our family, spouse, dreams, will, etc.. To surrender these things means to transfer ownership to God. That can sometimes be tough (especially as our children grow older and prepare to leave our homes and guardianship).
Just a few hours after today's sermon, I had a visual reminder of that surrender and submission to God's will.
We spent the second half of the day watching a dear family sell their worldly possessions and then pack up and load up everything remaining to donate. They are preparing to leave for full time mission work in South Africa. The place the call home now sits practically empty. Though they won't physically leave for SA until late summer, in just a few days they will be moving about an hour a way to temporarily live with family since their house sold very quickly (Go GOD!!!!).
NO doubt God placed a beautiful call on their lives. God has asked them to do something bold for Him. He's asked them to push past their doubts, give up more than I can imagine....to gain being completely in His will. His will isn't always comfortable. Yet, His will is perfect.
Tonight I'm up thinking about how they have surrendered. They may have times of overwhelming emotion and uncertainty, but they have committed and are a beautiful example of walking in faith and obedience.
I'm also thinking of the fact that I'm having to surrender to His will as well. I have to surrender this precious family. I have to support and encourage, even when I'm kicking and screaming on the inside! Don't get me wrong: I'm OVERJOYED with what they are doing and could not be more supportive of the call they are answering....
My selfish heart keeps thinking about the loss I feel growing by the day. It's getting harder and harder to realize that my sister of the heart will be thousands of miles away instead of just 4. Technology is phenomenal these days and we WILL stay connected. I CAN hardly wait to watch and see the daily adventures they find. I can't wait to have someone close experiencing full time mission work in South Africa. I can't wait to see these little children grow up in such a unique environment.
Tonight I'm wrestling. I'm wrestling with my own emotions. I'm wrestling with my own submission and surrender. I'm wrestling with God.
Yet, I'm clinging.
I'm clinging to God instead of resisting Him.
Just like a little wrestling match in the middle of the floor with a parent and small child----when the wrestling match is over and that parent covers the little child in slobbery kisses, noisy zerbers, tickles, etc... when the victory is won...
I'm waiting and knowing that God is right there waiting to cover our friends and their children in those same victorious kisses and hugs in the form of blessings and providing for their desires and needs. I'm also waiting and knowing that He is going to do the same for those of us staying behind.
We may be wrestling, but our victory comes in the moment we surrender to God. We have to surrender the bad (sin) and the good (those things we hold dear!).