I've come to the realization that I can't do it all. OK, so I've known that all along. NOW, I'm just ready to admit it. My prayers recently made a switch to help me prioritize and help me have clarity in making decisions. I admit it takes me out of my comfort zone. Leaving some things undone completely or less than "perfectly" is terrifying to me. As a perfectionist trying to "reform"---it is HARD! This feeling reminds me of a picture Kevin took of me during our camping trip.
What you don't see is that I was a
little nervous terrified. I was on a rock edge that was NOT on the ground. My feet couldn't fully fit so they had to be turned as I crept along. I WISH the picture was panned out further so you could really take in the moment. Kev did the best he could to "capture" the moment while balancing Bradlee and the dog. I'm sure he was laughing in his head at me the entire time. He and the kids have a MUCH MUCH bigger dose of dare-devil in them!
I was born a klutz. I have survived life this far as a klutz. I will die someday a klutz. FACT of life! The above photo shows one of those moments of stepping out of my comfort zone. I would have PREFERRED to have stayed on solid ground so that if I tripped and fell I would only end up with scratches and bruises. Instead, I had no choice but to walk on the edge and pray I didn't fall. A fall would have been broken bones at the least. For someone that wasn't blessed with confidence in her own two feet....it was unnerving. Yet, I did it. I may have been wee bit nervous (umm....a nervous wreck!), but as you can tell....I lived! (It makes me wonder how on earth Adriana was blessed with the ability to work magic on a balance beam. You should have seen my eyes the first time she successfully flipped on one!)
Stepping out of comfort zones is NOT easy. God is asking me to do that on MANY different levels right now. Just as I had to trust my feet on that hike, I have to trust God right now, RIGHT where I am. I'm placing my confidence in Him as I take those steps. No matter how small the task or how monumental it is, when trying something new that is against the "norm" is difficult. Though stepping out of my comfort zone and not doing EVERYTHING is not the biggest on my list right now in regards to faith and life-changing aspects, it is still nerve wracking.
I was inspired by a few other blog posts, but most especially Gretchen to take all of the things on my list and just choose a certain number to focus on. Write out those goals and focus on THEM for the week. I LOVED this approach, but for the past couple of weeks I struggled with just DECIDING what those goals would be. Just choosing was stressing me out. Then I began to pray for God to not give me super power to get it ALL done, but instead to show me which things I needed to focus on RIGHT now. What things to place in priority so that others things fall into place or what things were needed that allowed me to have the right focus. My own eyes were stuck on the sheer volume of tasks. I couldn't do it.
However, in the middle of the night I woke up with a list swirling through my head. It was VERY evident that these were my focus tasks. I lacked no clarity. It was definitive. No wavering. VERY specific. After some "lost" blog posts that came to my heart in the middle of the night, I now have learned to immediately write down what comes to me. So, at 2:30 this morning this is the list I scribbled. These are my focus points, the things I am considering my "have to" list for this week. Yes, I still have all of the other basics and essentials to do...but these are the extra. JUST having this list to look at this morning has lifted an INCREDIBLE weight from my shoulders. Yes, I still have to do the work. However, having a focus changes everything. It becomes do-able. It has become less of a mountain!
So for this week Wednesday the 31st through Tuesday the 6th my Goals (in Gretchen format!) It just so happens that my list had 12 goals. Coincidence? Nah. Don't believe in coincidence.
- Morning walk 5 days (no clear cut goals on time or distance) and Weight training/toning 3 days
- Memorize first 7 verses of Psalm 86. Maintain "pace" with B90 challenge and continue on track.
- Read one chapter in 5 of my books on "my" list. I have since added 3 more books to my "must" read stack and I don't know which direction to go. Choosing and focusing on 5 this week will make it a more manageable task.
- Write the letter to Kevin I've been planning in my brain. Get it done. Enough said. (Just some things I've been wanting to say that don't get said when being pulled in so many directions!)
Home Management Goals
- Restore sanity to our master bedroom closet. Oh my.
- Gather all items for OWB consignment sale. Hang. Start entering in computer....but can finish the remainder NEXT week.
- Get this round of Busy Bags out of my house! (This mostly depends on the last 6 packages arriving!) Pray about whether to participate or not in the K-2nd reading/math swap and whether or not to coordinate.
Home Educating Goals
- From family laptop: print any documents needed from last school year (Adriana), remove any 2010 SOS programs, load PEYTON'S 2011 Language Arts and Math SOS programs
- Plan 10 full days of lessons for Peyton's non-computer based curriculum (Expedition Earth, First Course in American History, Chemistry, Human Body Unit Study, Easy Grammar Plus, Bible, "workbooks", Handwriting, extra spelling (beyond what is in SOS since this is a current weak area), God's World News (News Flash)
- Plan 10 days of Bradlee's workboxes (9 drawers=90 focused activities). Make sure that 10 days worth of Bible/Phonics program are printed and supplies gathered. Be sure that any "other" activities correlate with the letter or skill in focus.
- Send personal emails to B90 participants that are still actively participating. NOT a group email this week.
- Send a minimum of 4 encouragement cards. Cards are already chosen, just need to take the time to write and mail.
(Also, I noted that NEXT week will include choosing and making Peyton's birthday cake and completing my 30 day praying for husband journal notes. Currently on day 22. )
There we have it. Stepping out of my comfort zone in many areas, but specifically today in regards to not attempting EVERYTHING and getting NOWHERE! My list is ready. My focus is set. Get ready. Get set. Go. (Let God handle the rest!)