I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm thankful for my husband. We've been down some tough roads, but we went down them together and have something extraordinary to show for it. Because we didn't "settle" for having an OK relationship and just getting by and because we didn't walk away when it was the easiest thing to do, we are beginning to see the rewards.
Today, I had a rough day. Stress is oozing out my ears from things out of my control, things that are in my control, and things I should have had better control over. Today was one of those days that I actually felt a wave of panic. The panic of letting depression take over or even just letting everything fall apart. It was about more than grief (even though it has escalated in the past few weeks). Truthfully, I'm just overwhelmed with too many things coming from too many directions. I WANTED to shut down and just let everything go numb. When I had that feeling come it terrified me because it was the first time in a long time that I know I could have slipped into those old ways. I fought against it and won. I'm still overwhelmed and my heart is heavy with so many things, but I resolved to keep my head on straight and deal with it all in a healthy manner.
I'm most thankful for my husband. My best friend. Because we've been drawing closer and closer together (didn't believe it was possible....but no matter how close you are there is always room to grow!), he was brave enough to point out to me this morning that he recognized what I was doing to myself. He knew where my mindset was heading. He didn't ignore me or push me to the side, but instead FOUGHT for me. That is what happens when you begin to fight for your marriage with spiritual warfare.
Though my stress didn't magically disappear, my teammate has made me stronger. I have a partner walking along side of me. Yes, he did things in a physical sense to help restore some of my sanity. He cooked dinner and let me have some downtime. He's out now picking up dessert that will hit the spot (thanks to Samantha's facebook status that made me start craving Rolos!!!!). It's more than those "acts of service" or gifts---which are the love languages he speaks naturally. He also realizes that my love language isn't the same as his and he stepped out of his comfort zone to make sure he was speaking "my" language. He used words of affirmation to reach me. He sent me emails and messages that let me know he was thinking of me and battling for me. He refused to let me feel alone. He also made me laugh until my sides hurt with his off-the-wall wit.
Best of all, where nothing will ever reach any deeper----I know tonight that the best is yet to come. My best friend is my prayer partner. He will go to our heavenly father tonight on my behalf, on our behalf, and on behalf of all the other things that are weighing so heavy. No other tool in our arsenal is any greater. It binds us together and it transforms. We may not hear an immediate answer to all of our requests and needs, but the heavy weight WILL lift. No other act is more intimate when shared with the one God has given you as a life-partner.
I'm just thankful. I'm thankful for the man I'm married to. It's a TRUE blessing.
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