I am a detail oriented individual. I'm a planner, deep thinker, and easily get wrapped up in the details. Many times that personality trait serves me VERY well and other times it bogs me down. Blessing or a curse? It just depends on the situation. I think that for the most part it serves me well. How else can you balance living on one income in a two income world? You can't be frugal and thrifty without paying attention to details. You also can't be a home school mom without being detail oriented. Being detail oriented is also a good trait when it comes to gratitude and paying attention to the "little" things. That personality trait makes me very appreciative of when someone does the smallest thing for me. It doesn't go unnoticed.
However, that personality trait REALLY isn't good when paying attention to the details gets in the way of turning things over to God and LETTING Him keep it in HIS hands. It gets in the way when you become obsessed with the details to the point that worry takes over. It's not a good trait when you can't make decisions because you are so wrapped up in the details. It also gets in the way when you think about the details so much that you MISS THE MOMENT! Those are the places I tend to find myself in way too often.
God's message to me lately is that He DOES have the details covered. HE is in the small things JUST as much as HE is in the BIG things! He's trying to teach me to find a happy medium between paying attention to the details and being STUCK in the details.
Just this week, I found myself caught up in the worry of the details. Details that didn't matter and I spent unnecessary time worrying. I should have just trusted Him from the beginning instead of playing the tug of war that I'm so good at. You know the hand it over to God, take it back, hand it over, take it back. Yes, that's me. I'm really good at that, unfortunately! I have obsessively worried about the details of getting school started tomorrow. Details DO matter in trying to balance three different grade levels, but at the same time I have to relax and ENJOY the ride or no one else is going to enjoy it either. The more I got bogged down in the details, the more I heard Him telling me to just relax. He will provide ALL the details if I trust Him enough.
I worried about attending Kevin's family reunion because of some issues we've been facing with Peyton. I was worried I wouldn't be able to physically handle it after the last two weeks of struggling with my body not cooperating/physical concerns. Useless worry! I didn't feel great, but I had a wonderful time. Peyton did FANTASTIC! God had already worked out the details ahead of time! The weather was perfect so we were able to spend the majority of the day outside and Peyton didn't ever feel apprehensive and didn't show the slightest hint of the panic attacks he's been dealing with CONSTANTLY. The one time that really may have caused concern was when the dining room would have been VERY crowded while everyone fixed their plates. We had several things go "wrong" getting out the door and we ended up arriving about 15 minutes late. We missed the "rush"....coincidence? I don't think so!
Tomorrow is our first official day of school. Financially I wasn't able to purchase the computer curriculum that I will use for all of Adriana's subjects and for partial of Peyton's. God has provided room in the budget for it by the end of the month leaving me with just a few weeks of planning it "all". I was only having trouble settling on a plan for Language Arts for Adriana over these first few weeks. I was getting bogged down in the details of the best approach. God had that covered. I had just enough money to buy that one subject and it arrived TODAY, JUST in time! I don't find it coincidental that I couldn't find "peace" with any of the other approaches I was trying to take. God is in ALL the details if I allow him to be.
Peyton's birthday is this coming week. Whenever birthdays and holidays come up, it's always a struggle to balance financially. He's never failed us! We may not be able to keep up with the Jones' or the neighbors, but He provides MORE than enough. Bradlee's birthday had a boost of being able to have the neighbors over because I was chosen to host an Oscar Mayer House Party. It just so happens that Peyton's birthday is going to have a similar boost because we were chosen for a Capri Sun House Party and he will get to share his "loot" with our home school group and celebrate his birthday at the same time. God provides in unique ways and we are blessed when we see those small details at work!
Just this Saturday, Adriana & Kevin went to Sonic with a "plan" that was going to feed our family for just a few dollars. It was going to be anything but elaborate, but it was a "treat" and it was going to keep me from having to get out of bed to fix something. We had coupons for 2 FREE kid's meals that was going to cover the boys. We had a coupon for buy one get one free hamburgers. Between purchasing those and a grilled cheese for Adriana, we expected to eat for $5. Again, nothing great....but good enough. That's not how it ended up. When Kevin placed the orders for the kids meals and grilled cheese he forgot to order the burgers. He decided he would just go through the drive thru and get those separately. Grand total for the 1st order: less than $3. When the girl brought the food out, she handed Adriana 4 LARGE bags. Kevin told them something wasn't right, so they looked through the bags to figure out what was in it. There was WAY too much food and the grilled cheese sandwich wasn't in it. She said, I'll be right back and when she came back she had the 2 grilled cheeses AND we were able to keep the EXTRA food. They would have had to throw it away and it was better to just let us keep it. What was in the bag? WAY more food than we have EVER purchased and we all sat on the bed feeling like KINGS and talking about the greatness of how God provides in strange ways some times! We had the 2 kids meals, 2 grilled cheese sandwiches, 4 more LARGE tater tots, 2 DOUBLE cheeseburgers (one with ketchup only JUST the way one of us likes it and one FULLY loaded like someone else likes it!), a LARGE popcorn chicken and a grilled Chicken wrap! Luck? No way. God's provision.
The biggest lesson I need to learn is to trust Him ALL the time. For some reason, I find it easier to trust Him with the BIG things. Isn't that odd? I guess I get wrapped up in the feeling that maybe the details don't matter. After all, aren't the BIG issues enough to keep Him more than busy. It seems like He keeps sending more and more signs to us that He is watching and He does CARE about all aspects of our lives. I just have to learn to accept that nothing is too BIG or too SMALL for Him. I also need to learn to completely give something over to Him and LET IT GO. I have to stop this back and forth game of giving it to Him and then turning around and picking that burden back up and trying to carry it around again. What good does that do? That's like saying, "Here God, I give it to you. I trust you. No, wait maybe I don't. Or maybe I think I can handle it better than you can!" Ummm.......Tracye....that is so not smart. Don't you know where that gets you? Nowhere FAST or deeper into a pit that you can't climb out of!!!!!