Today I just want to say thank you. Thank you for the connection that has come from being involved in B90. From the very first session as a reader completely reading the Bible cover to cover for the first time....and now in this capacity....oh my....
What a blessing!
Thank you to each of you!
There has been so much struggle in my heart and changes taking place in the last couple of months. The results have been fantastic, but the struggle has been so very painful at times. It seems like for the last almost two weeks, Kevin and I have talked deeply almost every second we could squeeze out. It has been remarkable. Last night, we were talking about why it seems like all of these struggles to change, grow, and a HUNGER that can't be filled have hit so suddenly.
His answer surprised me. His wisdom never fails to amaze me. His ability to look logically at things is an incredible blessing in our marriage. I've thought constantly today about his answer.
It's the Bible reading.
The word of God is alive.
Hebrews 4:12 tells us that:
"For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires."
THAT is why I can't quench the desire to grow and change. THAT is why I want more of Him and less of me. THAT is why I continue to feel more and more unsettled with the ways of the world. THAT is why I am full of joy, but discontent at the same time.
His word is reaching in and cutting. It's exposing the things in my life that don't line up with His word. It doesn't just reach the surface level. It gets to the deepest, darkest, most hidden places. To expose those things is painful. It's dividing the things of Him and the things of me. It's illuminating things that I can no longer accept or tolerate.
The more I read, the more I memorize, and the deeper I go allows Him to be at work even more.
Yet, here is the good news. It's worth it. Oh...so VERY worth it. For every change He is making, there is more peace. There is more joy. There are more blessings. There is a closer connection to Him than before.
His word is alive. Alive in me. THAT is the beauty of being in God's word, DAILY!
I'm not content to read just a few verses each day. Reading a little devotional here and there isn't enough anymore to satisfy my longing. It used to be. Completing the B90 challenge the first time planted a seed. These multiple times and accountability of leading a group has opened the door for Him to let that seed grow.
The chaos, being overwhelmed, and agitation was because I was fighting against that seed growing. I was letting weeds grow around my heart. I was holding onto my will WAY too tightly. I wasn't willing to step out of my comfort zone. I didn't want to give up things I used as my "crutch" for when times were difficult.
Yet, every time I FINALLY give in----peace comes. Blessings overflow. Walls break. Wounds heal.
IF only I would give in sooner! One of these days I hope I learn it's best to just not fight it!
The good news is that along with the exposure of things He wants to get rid of in me, His word is also a soothing balm. It's a giant band-aid. It's a healing hug. It's like a pair of fluffy slippers in the winter time.
His word is full of promises, encouragement, and victory. Because His word is alive, He can reach in and wipe away every tear. He can provide peace and can fill us with OVERFLOWING joy. Not just a smile that you give the world to make them THINK you are happy. REAL joy.
Because His word is alive, I can find answers to questions. I can learn what He expects from me. It's a how-to manual on just about anything I could ever need.
Most especially, because His word is alive I can use it as the most powerful weapon against Satan. When he lies to me, I can quote the truth and He can't touch me. BECAUSE the power of God flows through us.
It's unbelievable what power lies in the pages of something that many people consider just a collection of stories. I think of all the time that I wasted not spending enough time soaking it in. So much wasted time.
I'm thankful that even though I'm JUST BEGINNING to scratch the surface of what I can learn from His word that He has placed a hunger and thirst in me that is no longer content to just let it "sit".
I'm so thankful that His word is alive and that it's living in me. Even when it's a painful process because He has exposed something that HAS TO BE PURGED or GIVEN UP....it's worth it. So very worth it.