Back again on last night's topic of running and surrender...
As He begins the process of molding and shaping us, teaching us, and preparing us, we are also in a place of surrendering more and more things to Him.
Conviction over areas that we still are not obedient to Him or areas that we need to give to Him and leave at His feet (and not pick back up!) runs through our hearts.
One such thing that has been on my heart for WELL over a year is the act of praying on my knees.
It's just a "simple" act. One that I didn't think would be as powerful as it has been. One that seemed so powerful the few times I did it...but I just never gave in.
My heart began that pull WAY back in March of 2012 (yes, I'm ashamed to say I've been having this in my heart THIS long without submitting!). Dr. Juli Slattery gave a life-changing main session workshop on wisdom and she ended it with asking the 6,000 women gathered to move out of their seats and onto their knees to end the weekend in powerful prayer. It. was. POWERFUL!
That moment stayed in my heart. It washed over and over me with the power it had.
I didn't surrender.
The feeling didn't go away.
Occasionally, Kevin and I would pray on our knees at different times and I would marvel at the power that brought.
Yet, we didn't make it a priority.
Even though my heart was drawn to that "simple" act.
I was most especially drawn back to that act, convicted (not condemned) of it in a powerful way when we attended Teach Them Diligently in May. It came up several times in different workshops. "On our Knees" can be just a phrase to reference praying. However, these women spoke of the power that the physical act brought. I've written of how Rachael Carman reached some deep places in my heart during her workshop on "Having a H.E.A.R.T for Your Kids" in Letting Go (and boy do those words have MUCH more meaning now!). What I didn't write was how she REALLY moved my heart in regards to praying on our knees. On her knees in front of the room, she prayed for our workshop and our lives. She talked about the importance of that act of saying "You are God, I am not." Of being in a position of humility. Of how there is nothing more powerful than a mother and father on their knees. Literally. That we take our part in raising world changers....on our KNEES.
It moved my heart. It NEVER left my heart and I've though on it almost daily. I even have written blog posts in draft from about this very topic, but I neither hit publish and I never submitted. I wrote it down as a topic of discussion for Kevin and I on our dates that we spend for spiritual growth and accountability, but I never said the words.
In these past weeks and months, different times at church we were invited as a congregation to all pray on our knees for different situations. They were POWERFUL moments. Moments that very much cemented in my heart its power and intimacy for lack of a better word.
I still refused to walk in that obedience. I still just would not surrender.
Then this weekend as the weight of so many difficult situations came crashing down, I surrendered.
On my knees, flat on my face before God. A simple act...with far from simple results.
It changes my heart. It literally makes my focus change. It brings me into a deeper intimacy with Him and a deeper intimacy with Kevin when we pray on our knees together.
It's brought me into a place that lets me be more vulnerable and capable of connecting in a more profound way.
As we seek His will in accepting the call to missions, we are faced with more questions than answers at this moment, but on our knees the answers will come. For now, our biggest focus is preparing our hearts and letting Him making the changes He needs us. For me, this has been one of those steps in submission and surrender.
The results have already been UNREAL. I've seen more results to prayers than I have in a long time. It isn't simply that the position change has made the difference. It's the heart change that has made the difference. It's the finally acting in obedience to what He has placed in my heart. Not all prayers are on my knees (otherwise, I'd never get up!), but there is great power in those moments that I can fully surrender to Him in such a way.
I'm a born and raised southern girl---raised in the middle of the Bible belt on very conservative values. It was often talked about how this or that sweet church lady had worn her knees out praying and it was TRULY the praying on your knees type of prayers. I often heard that motherhood would require a good set of knee pads! Kevin talks about an amazing woman, a mentor for him for many years and the power of her prayers. Many of those were countless hours spent on her knees. Though she's not physically capable of that in her life now, her prayers are STILL as powerful because the heart submission still has the same power. We've often through the years said how we just need Mrs. Martha praying for us because we KNOW how powerful her prayers are!
I want that impact on others. I want that impact on my family. I want that impact on those that we will be serving and showing the love of Jesus.
We aren't holding back any longer. We are surrendering on level after level. The weight lifts more and more with each surrender. Our home has been happy for a long time, but there are no words to describe the difference we feel in it even now. It's almost as if we can feel it as soon as we walk in the door. It's a sign that we are stepping on the right path....surrendering more of ourselves every day and on our knees. Seeking. Believing. Connecting. Releasing. Listening. Bowing down and asking. Bowing down and receiving. Bowing down and giving more of ourselves.
The only regrets are having waited so long....
...And I no longer have fear of what He has for us in the next step.