9/9/13 In the middle of a CVS parking lot, Kevin and I stopped running. We came home and shared our hearts with our children and they amazed us with their responses. Some of the most powerful moments that will forever be etched in my heart.
9/10/13 We publicly made the announcement that we aren't running.
What were we running from?
God's call on our lives to the foreign mission field. To serve. To love. To be HIS hands and feet. Together as a family.
Running for so long has nearly destroyed us. We should KNOW that we can't out run God. He wins. Running just leaves you in turmoil.
Surrender brings peace. It has broken the walls in my heart that have been built higher and higher. It has brought me on my face before God with nothing blocking us. It has lifted a weight that I didn't realize had become so heavy. I feel like I'm me again. The chains are breaking more every day.
We do NOT know what our call means or the time frame. We most definitely do not know the how, especially on the financial provision end. If I were to write a check today, I could barely cover four passports. (Kev has an active one, the kids and I don't). The other expenses are unfathomable. We have far more questions than we have answers.
Yet, we've finally given the only answer that matters... Yes, God!
The only running we are doing now is into His arms.
We have a vision in our hearts of where we want to be and how we see ourselves serving, but we have to wait to see God provide that or show us His version instead.
We are definitely going through the rollercoaster ride of not knowing how to proceed, feeling doubts, fearing attacks of Satan that come when you surrender to God, and countless other things. Countless.
However, the peace that comes with surrender is far more powerful than the terrifying thoughts of stepping so out of many of our comfort zones (but for every step out of our comfort zone we know that we are stepping into our passions and His will).
Where are we now?
On our knees. Literally. Seeking God constantly.
We truly seek your prayers. Obviously for doors to open and for financial provision, but even beyond that our priority is for our hearts. Our hearts to first and foremost be connected to Him. We don't want to take a single step out of His will. While we wait for answers, we are choosing to draw close to Him. Seeking His wisdom and guidance, pouring out of His Spirit, deep in His word, and preparing our hearts to be more ready to serve. Most of all, we are turning our lives to Him for Him to shape us and mold us HIS WAY. For Him to equip us now that we have accepted the call. For the fact that we know we are NOBODY---but we have a passion to love and serve and to it together as a family. We pray that He takes that and uses it.
We are beginning to see how things we've gone through have prepared us. We are seeing that He was there with us during the times we thought He wasn't. Bringing us to this place of decision.
We choose to not be fans of Christ. We choose to be followers. (Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman reference). We are choosing to let God show us His power. We've spent too long praying small prayers. Prayers that were important and necessary, but not the big prayers that allow God to show us His strength.
We know that so many of you knew that this was OUR calling for so long. We've known it for a very long time. I've had this direction in my heart for nearly 25 years. We've known it. We've just not accepted it and stepped in faith.
We accept it. We step in faith. We pray and we seek. We turn every fear to Him (there are enough verses in the Bible on fear to literally cover every single day!) and let Him show us His truth. We focus our hearts and transform our minds when the doubts arrive. We just grasp His hand.
We know no other way to begin this journey....wherever it leads.
No longer running away from Him, but to Him. Surrendered.