Thursday, May 9, 2013

When There's No Hallmark Card for That

For those that know me really well, you know that I struggle with this upcoming holiday. It's very bittersweet to me.  It leaves me an emotional wreck.  My closest friends and family would agree those words are an understatement.


I know from close relationship with other women that some of you have these same feelings.  (It may be Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day.....depending on where your scars are from.) Just the thought of walking into a card store at different holidays just sends you into a tizzy.  It may be you have a broken relationship, you may have been abandoned, you may have lost this person to death, you may have never had an opportunity to get to know this person, you may have suffered abuse....

Circumstances may be different.  The "battle" in your heart or the scars may be at a different level of healing, but they remain.

Back at Hearts at Home in March, I specifically attended a workshop on healing from childhood (or even adulthood) baggage so that you can create a whole relationship with your own children.  I specifically chose this session with Suzie Eller of Proverbs 31 Ministries to be the LAST one I attended.  I knew it would leave me very emotional, needing time to soak it all in.  I was right.

As the days began to go by, I began to process the things I learned in that workshop.  I began to deal with some of the emotions it stirred up.  Some I didn't want to face.  Some I found myself ready for.

I began to work through her new book "The Unburdened Heart" and I pulled back out  "The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future".  The first time I attempted to read it, I wasn't ready.  I'm slowly moving through it, a very painful step at a time.  I'm taking part in the book study that she is currently doing with "Unburdened Heart"....though I'm VERY (VERY) behind in it.

I'm not going to lie.  I have a VERY long way to go in embracing healing in certain areas.  (Yes, I'm purposely being vague which is NOT my normal...and is hard....but necessary).  However, for the first time I feel like God is helping me gain ground.

Yet, Satan takes *this* approaching holiday and he wrecks my emotions.

OK---I should rephrase that.  I'm guilty of letting him.  I'm guilty of not taking hold of those negative thoughts and turning them around as the Bible says.  I'm failing at taking them captive and letting the Holy Spirit speak truth.  I'm learning.

For so many years, I've let this anger/bitterness/hurt/etc... rob me of fully embracing certain holidays with my own children.

I've finally learned something powerful.

I can and should.

I CAN let my children celebrate their relationship with me.  I CAN focus on the cycles that are being broken.  I can.

Yes, it still hurts.

Oh yes....

Yet, I CAN!

More importantly, I should.

I'm not saying I'm going to be perfect at it.

I'm not saying I'm not still struggling.

Yet, I'm embracing it differently this year.  Some baby steps in a positive direction.

All it took was some permission.

In reality, I didn't need that permission.  However, just in the timing and the fact that my heart has been more open and listening to God's messages....the permission meant more.

While boxing up the last kitchen items of an "older" friend and together talking with a "newer" friend a couple of weekends ago, we were talking about some random issues.  *This* happened to be one of them.  The older friend knows my heart well and knows the struggles, the newer friend didn't.  She asked me to explain a bit and I shared just a little and her tell it like it is personality (which has value and I love!) immediately popped off with, "You need to FULLY celebrate with your own children and let them celebrate with you.".  Sometimes you need someone with a different perspective to get you to look at things differently.

Several hours after the fact, that really began to sink in.

A couple of days later, Suzie posted a blog about that same topic.  Let me tell hit me hard.  It still is hitting me hard a week later.

She simply gave permission.

A permission that reached deeper into my scars than I ever anticipated.

Her words are words that I want to share because I KNOW other women are facing some of these same emotional battles. I know because many have looked me in the eyes and shared your brokenness.

May I encourage you today?

First, may I celebrate this upcoming day with you and share how powerful it is that you have changed the destiny for your own children? That took courage and hard work!
Though none of us are perfect moms, the fact that you are intentional in your parenting is a beautiful gift to the next generation(s).
*If this issue is a battle for your heart, you can read more of Suzie's post here .  Her incredible gift of teaching on forgiveness and working through baggage is incredibly touching! It can apply to any relationship!:*

Moms that are struggling with this holiday because of scars, I just want to say I'm proud of you.  I'm proud of you for the effort you put into making your children's lives different. I'm specifically picturing some of you in my mind right now and am just sending out a hug of encouragement.  Don't give up.  Don't let Satan twist the good and discourage you.  Embrace the difference you are making now.  Maybe your scars are from parenting mistakes you've made.  Maybe your scars are from your own childhood.  Maybe your scars are totally different, but this same message reaches your heart.  Don't let your own hurt rob another precious memory or moment with your children.  Focus on the difference you can make and the cycles you can break.  Celebrate the steps you are already taking. You, my friend, are WORTH it!

1 comment:

Extraordinary Ordinary Life said...

Love it - I think you have not only broken the cycle but you have taken it and shredded it and stomped on it and burned it and drowned it in the sea never to be repeated in your family! Celebrate sister!