I've been waiting...
For a long time.
Six years to be exact.
For something that really wasn't very costly, but just something we couldn't justify spending the money on when there were much greater pressing needs. However, the day FINALLY came today. As a result of being almost debt free at this point and having extra income coming in from the "littles" I provide childcare for, we FINALLY did it. Since I "earn" that money (hard to say that since I LOVE it) I finally feel a little more justified when we do things that aren't of extreme necessity.
We tuned my precious piano.
To many, it doesn't seem like much.
Yet, for me, every time my fingers touched those keys, my ears ached and I longed for having the day come to have it tuned. With time, it has become even more difficult to deal with and I had a frequently needed key begin to stick.
I just kept playing and waiting.
Until I couldn't stand it any longer.
I admit I was quite embarrassed when the nice man sat down to play my "precious" possession. I knew it was bad and I was embarrassed that I had continued to play all of this time. I just didn't want to give up something I enjoyed even though the sound wasn't what it should have been.
He just smiled and said, "Well, as I mentioned to your husband on the phone, I might have to charge extra if it were off very much." I just laughed and gave him the go ahead. I already knew that it was going to be that double charge! Off he went to work with all of his gadgets and gizmos...
And two hours later....(and more than a week of my pay!)
It sounds heavenly! Oh goodness, does it ever.
These same fingers, playing the same songs, the same way....don't even sound as if they are the same person.
However, as soon as I sat down and really got to play some songs from a Hillsong Worship book, God began dealing with my heart, yet again.
I began to think about how I had settled all of these years. Good was good enough. OK was good enough. Eventually, bad was still good enough.
I learned to compensate. A little pedal work here and maybe changing the key I was playing in would make things a bit better.
I also was in denial. It really didn't sound that bad did it? (Though I KNEW it did!)
God reminded me that I'm a little bit like that piano.
I'm not as polished as I once was. Life has worn me down and I don't sound quite the same as I did. Like a penny losing its sheen or colors fading from a once brightly colored garment through multiple washings.
I've also settled. I've settled for good enough. I'm a good enough wife. I'm a good enough mother. My faith is good enough. I serve God good enough.
Oh, how I'm deceiving myself. I'm in denial and settling.
Just as the line in "Courageous". I don't want to be "just" good enough.
It's easy to compromise.
It's easy for faith to get stale.
It's easy to let the world slip in so much or even "just" enough to make my focus on God slip.
It's easy to let failures and disappointments create walls.
It's easy to become reluctant to serve.
It's easy to settle for just "getting" by instead of living in abundant joy.
It's easy to let bitterness, anger, judgment, unforgiveness, sin, comparison,etc.. slip in with time.
I'm in need of a tune-up and repair.
The good news is that I don't have to wait for six years or save up to have someone come in and readjust all of my keys to make beautiful music.
It has already been done. Over 2000 years ago on a cross, at great sacrifice.
I just have to go to Him and ask. Ask Him to tune up my heart and faith. Fix the broken places and make music from me again.