Wednesday, January 9, 2013

She Gave All

I have SO many posts that I want to write and many that I need to write, but time hasn't been as free the last week or so. I'm finally feeling better than I've felt in a VERY long time, but the days have been so packed full with school starting back that by the time the kids are in bed, I've crashed.  My "night owl"  writing/reading hasn't happened!  Though I won't complain because I've never been more content or more excited about life. 

I'm very thrilled about some upcoming posts.  Let's just say that it's going to be a whirlwind of giveaways later this month!  God has also been laying some deep, introspective writings on my heart and I can't wait to move them from my heart to the computer!

Actually, tonight I was preparing for one of these upcoming giveaways that involves a book review.  In trying to keep on track with things and not get overwhelmed with deadlines, I had intended to read a few chapters and get a "feel" of the book.  Before I realized it, I was well over half-way finished.  Though I will save the bulk of my thoughts on the book (which is INCREDIBLE by the way!) for my review and giveaway post on the 22nd of this month (requested date by the PR company), something very deep jumped out while I was reading and it got the thoughts running in my head faster than a mile a minute.  Though I can still type about 90wpm (Thanks Mrs. Wynn and Mrs. Reece you WHS friends!), I don't think my fingers can keep up with my brainwaves tonight!

It seems as if every time we start a new year, resolutions start flying every direction.  I didn't actually make resolutions this year, but I have been trying to live in spirit with my word of the year "choose".  By constantly keeping that in mind, I've been making choices that bring me closer to what I know God intends for me.  Many of those choices have been for my physical well-being and others have been for my spiritual well-being.  However, I didn't just start this when the calendar changed from 2012 to 2013.  It's been a process that's been in my heart much longer.

So much of the last half of the year has been a struggle----trying to rediscover priorities and making sure that I'm in step with God's will for my life.  In many ways, I'm on track and unfortunately many ways I've not been.  I had started "settling" for just ok.  For just good enough.  For just getting by.  Specifically, in spiritual matters.   

Kevin and I knew we needed to make some changes that God has put in our hearts for a VERY long time, but no matter how CLEAR He made the request, we would NOT step in obedience.  The inner turmoil this disobedience was causing was CONSIDERABLE.  So many battles and struggles within our hearts could have been avoided had we just STEPPED out in FAITH and followed the lead He had put in our hearts for a reason.  Now that we have walked in obedience, though we admittedly should have listened and responded immediately, we have such a peace and joy that can't be described.  Though the decision was hard to follow through with because it caused us to have to leave behind something we loved and start over, the rewards have been immeasurable.  The weight had become so heavy, that I literally couldn't wade through the muddle in my heart to make any decisions of any kind.  By not being obedient, a wall was being built between God and myself and it was trickling down into so many other things.  Unfortunately, He had to send some pretty powerful wake up calls for us to FINALLY listen to Him instead of our own desires and opinions.

Now that we are where He has called us to be, our hearts are back open and walls are coming down.  I can feel Him closer than ever (and as a result, Kevin and I are as well).  I most markedly can feel true contentment like I've not known in so long.  It's as if I can finally breathe again and let Him guide (oh, if we'd only acted sooner!). 

All of that said, brings me to this.....

When I was reading tonight, I feel Him stir in me so strongly.  He came more alive in the author's words on each page.  Then I came to a page that really was "minor" in regards to the book as a whole...

And it made me think:

What do I want my headstone to say or what do I want someone's last words about me to be? 

Now, before you get totally turned off and think it's morbid, think about it.  When you are at the end of your life, what is it that you want to stand out?  We often talk about how Christianity requires us to live with the "end" in mind.  The fact that nothing on this earth compares to what heaven will be like.  How we have to live differently on this earth in our short capacity so that we can live eternally with God himself. 

With the end in mind, what is it that you want to be said about you?

I found my words.  Nestled in the pages of a book.  Minor words in comparison to the incredible message of the book itself. 

She got it.
She gave.
And all she was.
She  had a generous heart that beat to encourage people and gave in abundance.
Her heart reflected the character and life of Jesus.
I'm not there yet.  So far from it.  Yet, I see the direction I want to go.  I want those words to be my story.  I want those words to reflect the life I lived.  Living with the end in mind, I'm ready to give.  I want to reflect the character of Jesus.  

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