Not measuring up.
Feelings of failure.
Not feeling worthy.
Feeling like God just really is out of reach.
Feeling as if God just can't possibly use you to do anything worthwhile for Him.
Ever have those feelings?
Suffer from negative thinking?
Oh yes. This mom does!
Between the time I've spent digging deep through "No More Perfect Moms" by Jill Savage this last month, interaction with both her and the other incredible group of ladies that are part of the launch team and then last night's live webcast with Lysa TerKeurst and Sheila Walsh....God has had a chance to really make some changes in my heart. It's been a priceless ongoing journey that is just beginning and I can't wait to see where it leads.
Though I've learned MANY things lately, I have to share something that REALLY broke down some walls in my heart and thick head last night.
Lysa did a phenomenal job talking about the "veil" being torn and what that means. Her passion as she spoke truly just grabbed me in a way like never before.
My own negative chatter in my head/heart tend to drown out the truth of what God and His word tell me.
I can be my own worst enemy. I know I'm NOT the only one that feels this way.
Ever feel like your mistakes are too big, your failures are too large, or that your sin is just too visible and you just don't feel like you are good enough?
God surely can't love us unless we are perfect and spotless enough, right?
Of course, we KNOW that answer is false. Yet, being honest and vulnerable, sometimes don't you feel like you just aren't worthy enough?
We know the right Bible school answers, but yet sometimes can't we all admit that our heads just don't always feel what our hearts know is true.
"The Veil was Torn"
Many times I've read about the veil of the temple being torn. I knew that before then that only the holiest of holy, cleansed priests could step inside and converse with God. I knew the basics and the importance of the veil being torn (referring to Matthew 27:51 specifically).
Yet, I missed something VERY important. Every single time I read it.
It was torn from top to bottom.
So what? What does that "minor" detail mean?
Thanks to Lysa's webcast teaching last night, I finally understand it's VERY important.
Top to Bottom.
From God's position, straight down to where we are.
By God's hand.
It wasn't just a little rip. It wasn't just a tiny tear that would allow it to be put back up.
It was TORN. Obliterated. No longer functional.
Because of that veil being torn, we now have access to God by the blood of Jesus Christ. (Hebrews 10).
I don't have to be spotless.
It wasn't just a tiny tear---one that lets just a few people walk through. (You know, ones with just a "little" sin.) It's not reserved just for the holiest of holy.
It's for us.
The gap was made and each and every one of us that has professed Jesus as our Lord are able to walk through it.
I love how part of verse 22 in Hebrews 10 is worded in the NLT ....
"let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him."
As Lysa said, we can quiet the negative inside chatter in our heads that cripple us by realizing that the veil was ripped to give ME (and YOU!) direct access to Him.
That says we are loved. We are His. We are part of His family and belong. We have access to Him.
We can fully walk through---all of our sin and imperfections included.
Because they have been cleansed by Christ's sacrifice.
We don't have to get all "prettied" up to go before God, we can go JUST as we ARE. Smack dab in the middle of our filth.
With that said, with that truth fully etched in our hearts, the negative self chatter has to stop.
We have to finally believe we have value because we are His. We are whole. We are beautiful. We are accepted. Our identity is in Him. Not from anything or anyone else! No matter where we may try to find our identity---no matter which wrong places we try to find it (our children, our marriages, our jobs, our skills, etc...) the only true identity we have comes from Him.
Soaking that truth in today as I tell those negative thoughts and emotions to take a hike because I AM HIS and the VEIL was TORN! Repeating it over and over until FINALLY it is etched so deeply that I can never doubt it again.