The Bible story in Exodus of Moses, Aaron, and Hur came alive to me during Dad's illness and death. I blogged before about how some friends had gathered around me and became like Aaron and Hur in my life during that time period and also how in Dad's final moments he had his hands stretched towards heaven and needed our physical help to keep them there. THOSE were some of the most priceless moments in my memory. Even in the darkest moments, the ones that ripped my heart wide open in ways that I didn't know were possible, I saw the glory of God. His Word came alive more powerful than I even knew possible, even through the most painful moments.
Recently, I've been experiencing those same type of Aaron and Hur moments in life again, just in a different situation on a different level. Still VERY powerful and heart changing.
When Moses held his hands up, Israel would be winning the battle. When his hands came down, the Amalekites would begin to defeat them.
I'm feeling that same struggle.
When my hands are up and my eyes are fully focused on Him, I feel like we are winning. We are victorious. We can handle anything.
My arms are tired. I lose focus. My arms drop.
Defeat sets in.
Everything starts to crash down and I feel like I don't have the strength to put my hands back up to win the battle.
Moses got tired. His arms couldn't remain in the air. Without that strength, defeat was around the corner.
Enter in Aaron and Hur.
They held Moses' arms up when he could no longer do it.
In Chapter 17, it says the put a stone under Moses so he could sit and on either side of him they stood. Each holding one arm in the air so that the victory could be won--and Moses' hands remained steady until sunset and the victory was official. He couldn't do it on his own. They provided what was needed.
I have been feeling that in my own life.
I've been physically battling many things in recent weeks and months. The incredible gains I've felt physically have been slipping away and daily there has been a return to struggling with the basic things. Plain and simple, I'm just tired. Overwhelmed. Somewhat defeated on many days.
Along with the physical, I'm also honest enough to admit that emotionally it's been a struggle as well. For no apparent reason, I've been experiencing anxiety attacks and teetering on and off with depression. It's been many years since anxiety attacks have had a grip on me. However, I'm still happy and full of joy. So though it's been a struggle, I've not fallen into that pit of feeling defeated and hopeless. It instead feels like just a time of waiting to see where God is leading, what I'm needing to learn, and a time of seeking. A time of struggle---but with a purpose.
My hands remain in the air.
It feels as if my "Aaron" is His Word. Digging in and reading, studying, writing, and just being immersed in scripture has been a REAL source of strength. With that strength, the victory remains in sight. As soon as I drop that hand, it's almost immediate the defeat.
It feel as if my "Hur" has been an incredibly supportive husband that continues to lift my other hand in the air to keep us on track for victory. We are human and some days we can do things that hurt each other's feelings or cause a division----and those days DEFINITELY don't feel like a victory. When my hand drops, defeat is just around the corner. However, we've learned many things through the years about what it means to support and encourage. I'm thankful, so very thankful, for my husband and all he does to support. He seems to be truly digging in and making sure that I know he's on my side---whether that's encouraging me, physically helping do things around the house or for me, praying with and for me. Countless little things that provide strength. Meeting me in my brokenness and not running the other direction. It has been very apparent to me in recent days just how much he does hold my hand in the air when my own strength is weak. A couple of friends fulfill that role for me as well because no matter what, they point my heart back to HIM and I know that at any moment I could ask for help and they will drop everything and pray or say JUST the right thing----even though they are miles away! Those ladies have an incredible value---one that they may not even realize that they provide. However, the day to day provision of strength that points me to Christ that my husband provides is something that becomes more valuable every day. Just the sound of his voice in the most recent days when my emotions have overtaken or anxiety has grasped has been such a valuable source. I used to try and hide my weakest moments and emotions, but now, to know that someone can come right in to the middle of the "ugly" and see you in your brokenness and not turn the other way....is a gift.
I'm thankful for the strength. I'm thankful for all of the Aaron and Hur moments in my life and those that have the provided the strength, but.....
I find myself being introspective and asking a question.
Who am I being an Aaron or Hur for?
Am I finding those individuals that need just an extra bit of strength to keep their arms up in the middle of their battle and providing that support?
Am I willing to help them until sunset so that their ultimate victory is won?
Who can I stop long enough today and provide encouragement to? Who can I reach across the miles or around the corner and pray for---REALLY pray for? Who can I reach out to and offer a smile, a note of encouragemet, or a whispered word of support?
Am I doing it?
Or am I too caught up in my own struggles and needs?
What about you? Who could you help today----even in a very small way. It may be small to you, but you may not have a clue what that "small" thing may feel like to someone that is weary from their battle.
Who do we each need to stop and say thank you to for being our Aaron and Hur? Maybe in the process of saying thank you, it may be an Aaron and Hur moment in THEIR life. Sometimes we don't know just how much someone is struggling on the inside, even though on the outside they seem like they have it all together. A simple thank you to them for the inspiration they've provided us may actually be a life-line to them.
I'm praying today that He opens my eyes to see someone I can provide strength to and praying that I recognize when someone is offering strength to me.
I keep seeing the statement lately that He blesses us so that we can bless others.
I'm believing that more every day.