This post actually started out as an attempt at a facebook status update. However, as I typed and retyped it numerous times I found that I couldn't squeeze my thoughts into that "short" space and it make sense. So off to blog world I go....
Today, while soaking in the surroundings at church, I felt another confirmation of being where God wants us to be.
Let me back up....
We officially changed churches back in November/December.
It was one of the hardest things we've done in a long time.
We (especially ME) weren't ready to give up our comfort zone. We weren't ready for relationships to change. We weren't ready to lose that "home" connection we had been able to find after moving 375 miles from home.
In all honesty, we were disobedient to God's calling for us to be somewhere else for a VERY long time. That lack of obedience COST us. It created unnecessary turmoil in our hearts. We knew God was asking us to go in a different direction, but we weren't willing to do what He was asking. We didn't want to start over. So much of my being unsettled and "stressed" came from my own unwillingness to do what was asked. Long story short....we created more stress in our own hearts and in our marriage/family because we willingly didn't follow through with what God had put in our hearts.
Our church wasn't bad in the least. It's a church full of incredible people, with their hearts sold out to loving God and others.
Yet, it's not where God wanted us to be. It's not the direction He had for us.
Finally, stepping in obedience, has restored peace. It's reopened a closeness with God that we needed.
We definitely are starting over in regards to knowing few people and not quite finding "our" place, yet. However, we've never been somewhere that we've felt more welcome from the onset or more comfortable in regards to knowing that God had His hand on this "move".
Today, I felt a HUGE confirmation in my heart that He definitely had reasons for leading us in a different direction. Though we know some of the specifics of why we needed the change, others have been more vague.
Today, I understood ONE of those many reasons.
These last two weeks have been devoted to highlighting mission work that our church is involved in. I KNEW our new church home was mission minded. In our experience, Assemblies of God churches are heavily involved in mission work. However, we've NEVER been anywhere that supports mission work as greatly as our new church. I just didn't realize how far reaching it was! It's been phenomenal to see and hear the hearts of so many that are serving both domestically and internationally. It's truly opened our eyes.
It's no secret we are seeking direction in regards to feeling called to some type of mission work. Somewhere. Some day.
We don't feel prepared. We don't feel ready. We don't feel capable.
We have more doubts and questions than we have answers.
But God... is speaking. We are beginning to open our ears, eyes, and hearts....and listening intently.
But God....can provide.
But God....can equip.
But God....can make the path known.
For every "but" we can conceive or comprehend....God has an answer.
I realized today very powerfully that we are where we need to be while we wait for those answers.
Over 50 different couples or families are currently being financially supported on behalf of our church, circling the globe.
Though financial support is necessary and well appreciated, it was the hearts that caught my attention today. The people around us are TRULY passionate about supporting through prayer, finances, encouragement, etc... Holding a "passport" that was given out today that includes bios, prayer requests, and photos of each missionary really struck me. These pages are filled with "ordinary" people that listened to God and STEPPED out when He asked. As I looked up and saw the large flags representing every country that is currently represented....it moved me. I know each and every name on our prayer bookmarks and in our passports had some of those same "But Gods".
We are where we need to be.
We are where we need to be so we can listen and learn. Where our passion can literally find the fuel to feed our faith to step out when that times comes. We are in a place that we can gather from the experiences of others (especially as some very dear friends are preparing to leave for South Africa...and how amazing it will be to see their faces in our "passports" next year). We are in a place where we can grow and learn.
The place where we can see where our passions are leading. The place where we can soak in what is around us and decide if God is truly speaking and leading or if we are just walking in our own desires or for the wrong reasons. The place where we can wait and see how and where He is leading.
The place where I know that our "But Gods" will begin to be replaced with the bold faith that accepts that He is more than capable to handle anything. Saying we have the faith is one thing, but firmly grasping and accepting is another. Yet, I'm beginning to feel the gap between the two slowly (VERY slowly) closing. There are moments that Kevin and I are beginning to have the same specific leading and whispers in our hearts.
Today, I'm thankful..... for where we are. We are emotionally/spiritually in a place of uncertainty in regards to knowing where our next step will lead. BUT that place is a good place. It's driving us to Him to find the answers and making us lean on Him in a deeper way.