Arrogance. It's an ugly word in my opinion. It's not a good description of a personality. However, I am guilty.
I've blogged many times before about the shame I feel that I place demands on God and then am disappointed or mad when He doesn't do as I asked. I think it's very normal of our sinful, selfish natures. However, I hope to see God continue to mold me into more of Him and less of me so that that side of me becomes less visible. Thankfully God is continuing to do a thorough cleaning of my heart and attitudes.
Continuing to "study" and take apart "Crazy Love" has further illuminated my arrogance. I can't believe I've learned so much from ONE single chapter of a book and how ONE book can really change so much of how I think.
The first chapter's title is "Stop Praying". I was really taken back when I read the title. What? All those people that recommended I read "Crazy Love", are they insane? Had a gotten myself involved with the wrong group of people? NO! It didn't take too long to see that there was a beautiful twist to the title. It is more about just stopping and WORSHIPPING God for who HE is. Stop placing demands and JUST worship Him! Don't ask, worship!
I'm guilty. I worship God, love Him with all I have and more so every day, but how often do I JUST stop and just totally fall at His feet in pure worship. Not nearly enough. I instead rush through the thank yous and speed right into my needs. Sure those needs may be pure needs, but still I'm shortchanging Him.
Colossians 1:16 "For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or power or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him FOR Him." It didn't say he was created for me or to serve me. I WAS created FOR Him.
"We instead live our lives as though God is created for US, to do OUR biding, to bless US and to take care of OUR loved ones." Truth! If God never did a single thing for us, never provided us with a single blessing or answered a single prayer....would we still be devoted? I remember being asked that question in college as well and one thing is for sure, I never willingly answered another question. I was the only "honest" one that said, "I'm not sure!" and boy did I almost write my ticket out the door. Truth is: would YOU? I know what the answer is that I would like to give, but I also know my own arrogance. YES is becoming my answer more every day as I learn to see God for who HE is and the REAL understanding of the sacrifice He made for our sin.
This chapter challenged me to think about God's attributes in a whole new light. I'm finding a fresh new love for Him and wanting to just stop the world around me and just WORSHIP. JUST to focus on HIM and NOT me. That is hard when you have so many "needs", obstacles, and REAL concerns going on around you. That is also very hard when you are in the season of motherhood that doesn't even allow you the ability to be alone in the bathroom for 5 minutes without someone needing you! However, my soul is craving it and craving that oneness with the one that made me FOR Him.
I'm arrogant in thinking that He owes me anything. He owes me NO blessings, nothing. He owes me NO explanation when things don't go my way or according to MY plan.
The chapter ended with two descriptions of heaven's throne room. John & Isaiah both give descriptions. (Revelation 4, Isaiah 6). John helps us imagine what the throne room looks like. (Think of the most beautiful, breath taking scene you've ever seen in nature. Try to describe it. Some things "wow" and "breathtaking" can't fully describe. That is how John felt when he was trying to describe it for us. Words couldn't be formed to fully encompass it's beauty.) Isaiah reminds us what our only response to such a God should be. He said "Woe is me...I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty". Isaiah's response is what we should be thinking when we think about God. May his cry become our own. "Woe is me...we are a people of unclean lips."
How puny are we in comparison to God's tremendous worth.