There's this phrase that has been hanging around in my spirit so much lately. It doesn't want to go away and truth is, I don't want it to.
It did start out hanging around in a dark moment of sadness, but now it's serving as a reminder of other things.
"Don't Let Me Forget"....
It started with the heaviness in my heart that I'm afraid I'm beginning to forget.
What he sounded like.
What he smelled like.
What it felt like to have his presence in the room.
What it felt like to see him come alive when his grandkids were nearby. He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders when we were all growing up and though he wasn't able to play and laugh with us as much, he definitely made up for that with the grandkids.
So many little things I'm afraid I'm beginning to forget or have to try REALLY hard to keep at the forefront of my memory.
"Don't let me forget!"
Some days it's been almost a panic feeling of wondering what it is that I'm beginning to forget. I'm not forgetting him. Not forgetting his impact. Just some of the little things that fade with time. So many things that we are all guilty of taking for granted and don't understand the value of until we no longer have it.
That "Don't let me forget" is beginning to go deeper and deeper in my heart in a more intimate way.
Instead of the focus just on the details I think I'm forgetting, I'm remembering the other things I don't want to forget.
How God is present with us in the greatest storms of life. How in our darkest moments, the ones that rob us of any solid ground we thought we were standing on, He is there. He truly can work the difficult things into good.
I look back over my life and it truly has been in the hardest moments, the biggest trials, the greatest heartache that His presence has truly been the most apparent. The moments that there is nothing left to give of ourselves that He shines the greatest. The moments of desperation and brokenness. He truly is made greatest in our weakness.
Don't let me forget that.
Don't let me forget that He's always provided exactly what was needed. Even when the timing didn't seem fast enough. Even when what I thought I needed came in a different form. Even when I thought it would be best to not have to go through a particular situation. Even when I thought what He was asking made no sense or was too uncomfortable.
Don't let me forget that little things truly matter. Guarding our hearts and minds is crucial to living a life that allows the Holy Spirit to shape us and refine us. I can't act like the world and expect to hear His voice loud and clear. Don't let me forget that those little moments of bonding with my husband, children, friend in need, etc.. TRULY do matter. They can impact generations to come. Don't let me forget that every nose wiped, tear caught, lesson taught and retaught, and every moment hidden from the world that seems insignificant does matters. Regardless of whoever else thinks it matters. Regardless of the days that I feel invisible or overlooked.
Don't let me forget that though I've faced extreme rejection, He has NEVER rejected. He has always had His arms open wide.
Don't let me forget to whom I belong. What I stand for.
Don't let me forget to show love, grace, and mercy.
Don't let me forget to offer and accept forgiveness of myself and others.
Don't let me forget that there is no need for perfection in myself or those around me, especially from my husband and children. Don't let me forget that my children need grace, love, and acceptance as they try to navigate living and learning. Don't let me forget that they are not me and they have their own paths.
Don't let me forget that when I think life is hard, it truly is easy. So many are walking paths that are so difficult that words can't describe.
Don't let me forget what it felt like to walk in darkness in the depths of depression so that I never slip down that path again. Don't let me forget what feeling and embracing the light of hope felt like.
Don't let me forget the despair of brokenness and the healing that came through restoration. A falling apart at every seam marriage made whole and thriving.
Don't let me forget the little things....
or the big things.
Let me remember what matters most. Let me never forget who I am. Let me never forget the purpose He has for me.
Don't let me forget.