We're about to wrap up one of the busiest weeks of the summer for us. The kids had sports camp at our current church during the day and VBS in the evenings at the church we've been attending the last several years. In the middle of that, I had all of my normal things going on (including two almost two year olds most days) and I also wanted to do a couple of things to bless some others (including sending home a fully home cooked dinner for six different families one night). We're also in the middle of several projects, my daughter worked LOTS of hours this week and is involved in a ministry project that had us driving from one end of town to the other every morning, she's also about to leave for a conference in Panama City, FL that we didn't anticipate her going on until nearly the last second, and my husband is gearing up for his busiest week of the year at work. It also happened to be one of those weeks that Murphy visited often....as in Murphy's law! If it could go wrong, it did. If it could be easy and simple, it wasn't. I'm sure I'm not the only one with that kind of luck!!! More than once, my husband came home to find his wife having a breakdown!
I learned that I'm not as young as I used to be and that I'm not as capable of balancing things as I used to be.
Or am I?
Maybe it's more about what I didn't do instead of what I did do.
I let my one-on-one time with God slip. Slip way down the list. I made excuses. I was emotionally tired. I was physically exhausted beyond what I've felt in a long time (borderline lupus flare up hit at the WORST time).
So, I stopped doing what I KNOW is my life-line.
I hit snooze instead of getting up to read His word and REALLY pray (as in not just shooting up arrow prayers or two minute prayers of thank you and please help).
I didn't let my heart find renewal in Him. I didn't soak in the scriptures that provide EVERYTHING I need. I didn't take the time to let praise and worship music fill our home and my soul. I didn't stop to LISTEN to Him or find Him in the everyday moments.
I did things in my own power.
I let my emotions, the clock, the calendar, and everyone else's needs RULE.
I *thought* I'd just make up for it at night once the kids were in bed. Or I *figured* I'd pull out my Bible and current devotionals/books/studies during nap time.
I thought/figured wrong.
I collapsed. Or I couldn't find the ability to make coherent thoughts.
I know better.
I KNOW BETTER!
Looking back today as things start to slowdown (still a busy 24 hours more to go, but the end of the insanity is near), I can't help but wonder.
What if I had stopped and kept my priorities in place?
What if I had kept my heart full of what matters above EVERY other role in my life?
Would I still be tired?
.....but my heart would be full. My soul would still be overflowing.
Thankful today for grace.
It was His unmerited favor that sustained us this week even when I wasn't on track. It was His provision that covered my gaps. It was His strength that carried even when I didn't think I needed it.
I was selfish.
I was living too much in the "world".
I took my eyes off of Him. I didn't forget Him.....I just didn't go to Him FIRST above everything else.
So thankful for Him and His faithfulness even when I'm not.
So thankful for understanding family and a GIVING spouse that gave me space, grace, and help when needed.
I know that I will not be treating busy weeks the same again. I won't be letting what I know matters most slip down the list of priorities. It should be my life-line NOT my back up plan.