I love to write. I love to blog. I've met some amazing people through this process, reconnected on a much deeper level with different family and friends, felt the Holy Spirit moving in my heart and hopefully encouraged others along the way. It quickly became a GREAT extension of my heart. For the past couple of months, I just haven't had the "desire" as great as before. Even though it's still a HUGE part of who I am and is on my list of "want" to get done, it just hasn't happened. Hopefully I will settle back into that rhythm in the next several weeks and enjoy this "extension" of myself.
I had planned to write this actual post on Friday, but I'm just now getting around to it. I LOVE the honesty of "Full Disclosure Friday....those posts and facebook updates that are about REAL transparency and honesty. You know, the ones where you admit failures, things you wish you could change, or even something embarrassing.
Well, here is "my" Full-Disclosure Friday. First Disclosure: It's Sunday night (and I didn't realize it was after 9...I guess THAT is why it is dark outside!).
The real disclosure: I've been on the wrong path. Actually I should say I've been walking down MANY wrong paths lately. Each wrong path could be a post in and of itself---but I'm rolling it ALL into one.
Wrong path: worrying WAY too much about being weird. Feeling left out. Wondering what others "REALLY" think about our family. Letting specific issues that continue to hurt define me, hold me back, and block me from being who God has designed me to be.
Wrong path: letting fear of failure prevent me from trying again and succeeding. This applies to MANY areas of life right now. It seems like an endless list.
Wrong path: letting past hurts get in the way of TRULY letting God come in and heal. Just holding on a bit too tightly to those last bits of me that God needs in order to shape me into the image He has of me.
Wrong path: doing too many good things instead of REALLY focusing on just a few of those things He has purposely designed for me. Now that I'm purposely making those changes, it is making unbelievable changes in life. There is freedom in saying "no".
"You have to start saying no to good things, so you'll be able to say yes to the best things. Too many good things quickly become the enemy of the best things." Craig Groeschel, "Weird: Because Normal Isn't Working"
Wrong path: heading the wrong direction for WAY too long in regards to the way I home educate. It has been great. It has been beneficial and effective. It just hasn't been the way the Holy Spirit has been leading me. Time to line-up with His way. Ready to go in the direction He has for us----no matter how much work it takes to prepare.
Wrong path: thinking that there is always MORE to do. That God has something MUCH bigger for me. Yes, He does. SOME DAY! But today.... it's the small things that matter. I've spent too much time on the wrong path believing that the little things don't matter enough. That is perhaps been the biggest wrong path.
The ah-ha moment has TRULY come to settle in my heart in a deep way the last several weeks or longer.
I've not been searching for more. I've been happy and content RIGHT here. In this moment. Embracing the fact that I am enough. God is enough. My role is enough. More than enough.
The truth sinks in more every day.
The truth has come in a most unique little packages.
The little ones that I have the blessing of taking care of on a daily basis. The ones that seem to be just a natural extension of our family. They just happen to go home with their mommies and daddies at the end of the day that are heads over heels in love with them.
I've heard it countless times, "Girl, you are crazy!" Or, "How on earth can you balance your own family and have babies around?"
I've wondered the same thing. I've thought the same thing.
Yet, the answer has always been the same.
When you are operating in your passion, one GIVEN BY GOD, you become energized.
I thought my love of babies was normal. I've since learned it isn't. It's a God-given passion.
Here is the thing: having these babies has taught me such valuable lessons. God provides. God sustains. They've caused me to embrace me own family even tighter. They've taught me to simplify and then simplify some more. They've kept me on my toes and continue to! They leave me completely exhausted and completely fulfilled at the end of the day. Just like my own children.
They've taught me that I can't start my day without spending time with God first. They've reminded me how amazing my husband is on EVERY level.
They've taught me to not stress out over the small things. They've taught me to re-evaluate my priorities!
They've blessed me.
They've taught me that just like my family, THEY are my ministry.
They've reminded me of what matters most to me as a parent and caused me to re-embrace that with my own children.
They've reminded me of getting off the wrong paths and onto the one God designed. Reminded me that being "weird" is perfectly where God wants us. Reminded our family that "wide is the path, and narrow is the gate" and the value of the narrow.
Above all, they've taught me the value of Ecclesiastes 9:10 and are causing me to embrace it in EVERY aspect, MORE every day......
"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might!"
No just getting by. No just letting life slip by. Embracing it and giving it everything. Taking the gifts God has given and using them fully, completely and to His glory. Whether it be wiping noses, drying tears, picking up countless messes, climbing the mountain of laundry, mopping and then mopping again five minutes later, teaching and reteaching, hugging, kissing, dropping off and picking up, singing, rocking, laughing, and all the countless other things. No matter how insignificant it seems in the moment, the realization that it REALLY matters has TRULY entered my heart in a deep, profound way and life has never felt more complete and more on track. Even in the hard moments. Even in the painful ones. Even in the ones where I might temporarily agree with those that call me "crazy!" Doing it with ALL my might......