Oh my....if you're going to blog about REAL world, you better be real, right? Well this is as real as it gets. If you're going to blog about things you get right or when things are going good, you better be just as transparent when things aren't going right.
Well today is NOT a "going right" kind of day. Neither was yesterday. Hopefully it won't carry over tomorrow.
Real world: my throat is sore from screaming. Yes, real world. I feel like I've behaved like those kids you pretend to not look at in the grocery store kicking and screaming from not getting their way. Yes, that's a pretty good description of my own behaviour. Shameful. Yes? Honest: it does temporarily relieve the stress. Then you are faced with cleaning up your own mess.
As much as I DO NOT want to be a screaming, fit throwing mom: I am guilty. For those of you that watch 19 kids and counting, I've prayed for a gentle spirit like Michelle's but so far....nope it hasn't happened. OK, granted most days I come much closer. JUST not today.
Some days it just feels like you can't "pray" it away or talk it out. The kids push ALL your buttons ALL at the same time. Fighting. Disrespect. Bickering. Repeating directions for the 10th time and it STILL not getting done. Selfishness. Bad attitudes. All those things when piled up, just sometimes totally breaks this mom. That stress carries over to making things temporarily difficult in your marriage. It makes it hard to communicate or be loving. THAT cycles back to even more short temper explosions. Recipe for disaster. YES!
My mind is overwhelmed with hundreds of decisions to make, a to-do list a mile long before leaving for 10 days, physical issues and all my mind and soul wants is PEACE and QUIET. Right now there REALLY isn't time. Recipe for disaster.
Now what, now that the hissy fit has been thrown..............now what? Be happy about it? Absolutely not. Mortified, more like it. Expect your kids to be respectful for you and each other when you've just witnessed their eyes bug out because of how YOU just acted. Yep, not a good a picture. Is it getting me the results I needed? Oh yes......for a whole whopping 10 minutes. That's about all hissy fits are good for. Temper tantrums seldom get you the full results you want or are only a temporary fix.
So, here is the big realization. God was looking down at me about the same way a parent looks at their child. He was probably saying, "For real, Tracye, do you really think that is going to work?" The causes of my fit are the same things he sees me guilty of. How often does he repeat the same directions to me and I still don't follow them or do a "half" job of what he asked? How many times does he see me guilty of bickering, disrespect, a bad attitude or selfishness? Ummm hummm....whose on the hot seat now? Guilty.
So what now? Grace and forgiveness. Absolutely. A clean start tomorrow? No...a CLEAN start RIGHT now....why wait? And....chocolate, diet coke, Excedrin and a nap probably won't hurt either.
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