Friday, July 11, 2014
It's been hard.
It's been amazing.
It's been trying.
It's been a season of growing.
It's been a time of reevaluation.
It's been a time of gratitude.
It's been eye opening and heart changing.
It's been beautiful.
It's been draining.
It's been slow.
It's been fast.
It's just been....
Ordinary and extraordinary.
I've never been more content and yet longing for some specific things at the same time.
I love where we are in life right now. We are drained, exhausted, and battling some pretty big mountains.
Yet, it's where we're finding God, each other, and a hunger and thirst for the simple, the purposeful, and the direct source of all things. The well of living water.
We're finding Him. Even in the swirling of chaos. In seasons of change. In times of uncertainty. In the rat race.
I'm finding just how beautiful redemption is. How broken pieces can be put back together. The repaired vessel may not look the same, may not even serve the same purpose...but oh my...it can have value and beauty.
In the quiet lately, I've thought often of the brokenness of life. Some of the deepest valleys I've been through or that my husband and I have faced together. I've thought of the times that we just knew we wouldn't make it together in situations or we felt like our faith wouldn't stay intact through trails that seemed too hard to handle.
I was wrong.
Strength comes from brokenness.
JOY comes from pain.
It DOES really take some brokenness to gain strength.
It really does.
It most definitely doesn't feel like it in the process and maybe even many years after the fact. But...dear ones....it does....some day. Perhaps even when you least expect it.
Exactly a week ago, an "anniversary" date of a very negative event in my life came and went. For what seemed like a lifetime, this situation felt like it defined me. It broke me. It broke some plans in my life. It changed me. Even years beyond the time that I felt like I had healed the majority of the scars, it still shaped me. In many ways, it shaped me for the better (after LOTS of time had gone by). It closed doors that needed to be closed (perhaps some never should have opened to begin with) and with time it opened doors God had intended from the beginning. But.... I still felt like it defined me.
I found that for the first time, I didn't even find myself thinking about this dark time. It came and went without even a flash. Life was busy and I didn't really have time to slow down and think about much of anything to begin with, but that typically hasn't mattered. It wasn't until after the fact that I realized the day had come and gone without even a flash of regret, hurt, or anything of the such.
It was a defining moment.
I realized that the broken pieces had been put back together and sealed. No longer leaking along the glued places.
What I realize is that God had been at work in the healing for many years, but the vessel was finally ready to be held together without resistance. Just like when I'm repairing something like a broken chair or picture frame (which we tend to have lots of experience in this house with!), the clamp/grip is necessary for a certain amount of time. It's needed to hold the pieces in place while the glue has time to dry and strengthen. God has been that grip on my heart for many years as I've navigated through multiple difficult places. On this particular broken place, it feels like He knew I was ready to have that clamp removed. It was time.
And the brokenness was ready.
Realizing how much more I need to allow that to happen in other areas. Ready to feel the grips released and see the new vessel. See the new purpose. Find out the hidden strength.
Ready to be reshaped, renewed, and reliant on Him.
I am redeemed.
Time to walk in that redemption.