We've been deep in a parenting situation now for many many months, more than likely well over a year. In this situation we've watched one of our children really struggle. In our parenting, we don't like to jump in and rescue. That was a different story when they were very young, but not so much as they have gotten older. We guide, most definitely, but we don't rescue. It's our focus that sometimes the greatest lessons come IN THE struggle. If we are constantly jumping in, paving the way for zero conflict or making their paths smooth and easy, we set them up for adult failure. Absolutely there are times that this doesn't apply and a rescue IS the right choice. But in this scenario, it hasn't been. We want our kids to be prepared for REAL LIFE. Really, that is one of the top reasons we've stuck with homeschooling for 17 years now.
In this situation, one of our kids has been struggling with not liking how something has been handled, directed and managed. Over and over throughout the months, we've listened and encouraged, but we've not jumped in and run off to complain or demand changes. We've greatly pushed that you stay committed, you respect authority and or leadership, and you work on your own heart in the process. If we fail to teach these values, we raise a generation of "wimps" that can't handle real world pressure. Some day they may have a boss that isn't all warm and fuzzy, the may not want to go to work because they "don't feel like it". They may not have the skills needed to press through hard seasons. They may not ever learn to work or live side by side with someone that doesn't believe as they do. They may not ever know how to submit to authority or voice disapproval appropriately. They won't know how to work through difficulties in marriage when their own struggles come. All in all, if we rescue ALL the time, we cripple their futures. Look around and you'll see what damage that type of parenting has caused in this generation.
On the other hand, there DOES come a time that you DO step in. You do go to bat. You do take action. You realize that a line has been crossed and your child needs you in their corner. Or maybe what was a small issue in the beginning grew out of control. Maybe handling it is beyond their capabilities or beyond what needs to be their responsibility. It's a balancing act of knowing when to step in and when to step back. Sometimes you pray them through a situation and sometimes you have to take action.
Maybe it means you have to have the hard conversations with them or for them. Maybe you have to put your own reputation on the line. Maybe you have to be more demanding than you are typically comfortable with. Maybe you have to take a stand and allow no compromise. Maybe some of that Mama Bear (or Papa Bear) protective mode has to come out. Maybe you typically avoid conflict at all levels, but you can no longer stay quiet because it matters. Or perhaps you see the damage it's causing and you can't just sit back and let it.
Maybe you do it on behalf of your child and they never know. Maybe you do it with your child by your side. Different scenarios, different approaches.
As we've found ourselves in such a scenario in recent weeks that has caused us to have to step out of the shadows and move from stepping back to stepping in, it's been HARD. It's created a great level of stress. We've seen it affect both our faith and our child's. Sometimes THAT is the defining moment that moves you to action. Spiritual implications cause us to have to fight and fight hard.
This morning I was reflecting on so much that has been going on recently. Both the situation that we are fighting for our child in and situations in my own life. I feel the heaviness. I feel the faith moments as heavy, both those that require me to be still and those that require me to take action. Deciding between the two. Parenting as I've already said, drives you to your knees. When do you step in, step back, fight from the sidelines, or go full armor battles guns blazing?
As parents, we've been in all those positions. We were doing what we felt best in each individual situation. Right or wrong, we did what we felt was best. Out of love. Sometimes "sweet" and nurturing love. Others as tough love.
This morning as I was reflecting on different issues I'm in the midst of, I admit that I have been angry at God for not stepping in. Why hasn't He rescued? Why hasn't He stepped in? Why the hard things? Why not provide stable paths clearly marked instead of the rocky? Why do wounds keep being ripped wide open? Why? Why?
Be Still.
That's what He keeps whispering to my soul, either in His Word or in countless other ways EVERYWHERE I turn. Be still and let me fight for you.
Being still and waiting IS HARD. I've been so grateful for the confirmation that He's in control, but there's been a part of me that has NOT been liking that so much. I mean, I want justice in some of my situations. I want wrongs righted. I want what I've been needing provided. I want the hard things solved. I want...I want....I want.... I want anything except to wait and be still. Surely I'm not the only one that feels this way at times, right?
Why God are you making me wait?
That's when the dots were connected this morning.
He's my Heavenly Father. There are times He, just like us as parents, chooses to not step in. He has the power to. But, yet, there's a reason He's waiting. Ok---yes, sometimes hard things happen because we live in a fallen world AND the Bible tells us that we WILL all suffer. Not a " just maybe" we will. But sometimes, He is waiting because He needs me to TRUST Him. Or He needs me to LEARN something invaluable that will help me down the road. Or maybe, just maybe, He is going to bat for me and I'm just not aware of it. Just like at times we may go to bat behind the scenes for our kids and they not know it. Maybe in His infinite wisdom He sees the entire picture that I only have the smallest glimpse of. Maybe He's God and I'm not. He is good and He is God and that means He is good at being God. I'm not.
Today that whisper to my heart grew again, "Be Still". Just "Be Still". Today He may make me wait longer. Or today He may move to action . Maybe in my own situations, just like the one we are in with our child, a line may be crossed and I MAY see His actions clearly as He takes visible action. Or maybe He is working behind the scenes. Regardless, I need to rest and be assured that it's for my good. We parent for the good of our children. They may not always like it, but we do so out of love.
The dots were connected.
Be Still.
Whether He's stepping in or stepping back until the time is right, Be Still.
No comments:
Post a Comment