Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Keep My Heart Alive!
I love it when God shows up. He's pretty amazing with His incredible timing.
Tonight Kevin and I enjoyed one of our absolute favorite type of dates. Ice cream at the park (well, OK, he opted for Target popcorn). More glamorous dates may be great at times, but it's these very simple ones that do our marriage and spiritual lives the most good. Uninterrupted time to TRULY talk is a life-line for us. It doesn't require getting dressed up or put any extra energy into an already long day. It's just about us. We enjoy eating out at times at a nicer restaurant, but the freedom to really talk is somewhat inhibited. Though last week we really enjoyed being snuggled up watching a movie, we both really desired just some one-on-one deep conversation.
The list of things we talked about in that couple of hours tonight was practically endless. We joke often about how we feel like we can solve the problems of the entire world during that time because once we get talking, we get deep FAST.
Tonight one of the topics we discussed was about my struggles with writing blog posts in recent weeks. We also talked about some frustrations we were both having with "life" in general. By the time we realized our time was up and we had to head back home so I could make sure that I could snuggle with Bradlee before I fell asleep, Kevin laughed and said that he bet that my "writer's block" would be gone before tomorrow and that my fingers would be flying. "Unlocking" the thoughts in my head with him and the depth/direction of our conversations he knew would probably open up the floodgate. He was right.
We were just pulling out of the park when this song came on. I have heard it before, but I really havn't slowed down to really let it sink in. We even heard it live a few months ago, but I was more focused on wanting to specifically hear "Lead Me".
When we heard it tonight, I was suddenly overwhelmed because the words ECHOED nearly word for word the conversation we were having and it reached me heart so deeply. I can't believe that I even have this CD sitting unopened on my nightstand waiting to be listened to and I just haven't stopped long enough.
We are feeling this same NEED.
We are fed up. Disgusted. Discouraged.
Yet, at the same time we've never been more confident, hopeful, and READY for the next step.
Our family is thriving like never before. Our marriage is exploding with exponential growth (even beyond what I ever dreamed). Our faith is growing. We are daily seeing little miracles and blessings with our eyes wide open. I'm being blessed to be enjoying some of my greatest passions. School is going really well right now. I've changed the way in which I serve at church and am being blessed to pursue one of my passions. Our household seems to be running like clockwork. I'm overwhelmed with how much joy having babies in the house is (though exhausting!!!!) That in itself leaves me speechless.
Yet, we are going through some VERY difficult situations. Our faith, though getting stronger, has taken some REALLY hard dings lately. We are frustrated. To be honest, we are even admittedly angry about some situations. We are watching people that we love dearly go through heartache after heartache, relentlessly it seems. Disappointment is all around us. Other situations are weighing heavily on us because so many we love are continuously turning their back on God or making poor decisions and our hearts break. Situations have caused us great hurt in recent weeks and months.
On the outside, people are seeing how happy we are. We genuinely ARE! Yet, we are very human and very broken. We are carrying some heavy loads on our hearts these days. Facing some difficult circumstances that only God can work out.
We talked about tonight how we are just hanging on. The hard things seems to be hurting more than ever, but the good things are just shining even stronger. We know it's NOTHING but the hand of God.
HE is reaching down and sustaining us.
For so long, we reached out and didn't feel like we could reach Him. We felt like we came back empty handed. Prayers didn't seem to go beyond just words from our mouths.
Now we can feel Him so close. We can literally feel Him keeping our hearts alive. As the song talks about, so many times we literally have had to beg Him to help us through those feelings of empty hallelujahs. Oh, how we DESIRED to not feel empty in our praise. He has had to sustain us.
Tonight, we were talking about the fact that we feel so frustrated right now but our praise is NOT empty and we don't feel distance from God. We feel Him closer than ever. We feel VERY worn down by the world (physically, mentally, and most definitely spiritually), but we can literally FEEL God in us at work.
It's an incredible feeling. We've walked through the darkness with our faith intact. We are still battling through some difficulties, but we don't feel empty and we don't feel alone. HE IS KEEPING OUR HEARTS ALIVE.
What an incredible feeling it is!
He is OUR hope. He is our focus when the world feels like it is spinning out of control no matter how hard we are trying to hang on. He is our stability when we are feeling so uncertain. He is binding the wounds with His healing truth from those that continue to purposely and unwittingly bring hurt into our lives. His word is leading us down the right path when we are faced with difficult decisions. He is ALIVE in us. He is keeping our hearts alive when the world is telling us to give up.
Thank you. Jesus, thank you.