Friday, October 8, 2010

Back on Track...and READY for Battle

For any of you that follow my posts on Facebook, you probably have read my quotes from a book that has totally "got me" more than anything in my life ever has.  I have never read something that "perfect" for me.  I  highly recommend reading "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God:  Experiencing Life in Extraordinary Ways" by Lysa Terkeurst of Proverbs 31 Ministries.  Though it has a spin from a woman's perspective, it will greatly move mountains in the lives of men as well ( as long as they can get past the pretty pink flowers on the cover!). 

First of all, God literally dropped this book in my lap.  A couple of weeks ago, I was finally able to order two more subject curriculum sets for the kids.  When I placed my order, my "cart" recommended this book based on my past purchases and "likes" and it was 50% off and fell just in the right amount of money to not increase my shipping charge.  I jumped on it since I'm a big bargain shopper and though I've not read her books, I've listened to her on the radio or read blogs/devotionals that quoted her often. 

This book has literally saved my sanity and put my life back on track like never before.  Many of you know that life has hit us pretty hard lately.  We've shared some of the details with some of you and then many other things we've kept "quiet", but all in all.....we've been in the valley lately more than we've been in a long time.  Because things have been coming at us from EVERY direction and we've not had time to recover from one "hit" before another has come, we've really lost our focus.   Together as a couple and individually, I think we've questioned God more in recent months than we have in a long time.  Just last week, we brokenly told God we just didn't know if "it" was worth it anymore.  "It" being many things to us.  For the most part, we were feeling so alone and disconnected.  I personally just felt like my attempt to grow in Christ and to live a life pleasing to Him just really wasn't worth it anymore. 

Then HE dropped this book in my lap.  I haven't even been able to finish it because I keep getting drawn back to her words over and over.  I'm a "highlighter" and note taker when I'm reading such books.  I only highlight things that are REALLY important or that REALLY touch me.  By gosh, I think this book has more highlights than anything I've ever read.  It is as if God has spoken directly through her to me and my feelings have been expressed in those pages more than my own personal journal!!!!  Each and every feeling that has lead up to my brokenness, being unsettled, and alienated has been touched on completely.  I'm so thankful that these words have brought such profound healing and altered the course of my life.

What has touched me the most is that the feelings I've been having, especially the ones that have robbed me of sleep many nights, are GOOD.  It's good to be right where I was.  It means that God was getting ready to use me and I simply got scared.  I found myself focusing on my own inadequacies too much and not on His ability to provide EVERYTHING that was lacking.  I lost my direction by focusing on what I THOUGHT I was giving up, NOT on what I was gaining.  I let the "wet blankets"/naysayers' opinions stifle my enthusiasm and joy.  I've also gotten wrapped up in lost relationships as I've grown and changed and that has been very painful for me since I'm a "bridge builder" by nature.  EACH and EVERY emotion has FULLY been covered, just as if God was sitting down beside me and telling me my exact thoughts over the past months. 

I'm just so incredibly thankful.  Thankful that God showed up when I needed Him most.  Thankful that He is speaking to me through the words of another woman that has felt the exact feelings I am dealing with.  Thankful that her words have not only brought healing, but encouragement and clarity of which direction to take.  Most importantly, the "disconnect" feeling is flying out the window and is being replaced with the greatest peace I've ever known. 

I wasn't sure which direction God was taking us in as a family before I "lost" my way and though I still don't know the details of His plan, I know that I'm back on board and ready to say YES to wherever that is.  I am ready to be radically obedient despite the obstacles because I have been reminded of how He will take care of everything else.  Satan may have been winning many battles against our spirits lately, but I think he realizes now that his same tools aren't going to work as easily as before. 

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