Monday, April 26, 2010

I'm in Knots....and full of nots!

I'm stunned to see how much time keeps flying by in between posts. I "plan" to blog every day, but obviously I've not been sticking to that plan. It seems as if every time I have something I really want to say, someone or some thing pulls me in an another direction. I've been having a problem lately with distractions & the inability to complete a coherent thought. Think maybe it has something to do with 3 kids at home with VERY different needs?!

It's no real secret that I'm in the middle of some pretty big spiritual battles. It seems that as I'm stretching to grow, obstacles block my path from every direction. Satan knows exactly what my weaknesses are and he knows perfectly how to get in my head and let the little things grow until I can't find my way. I'm earnestly seeking God's direction on several situations and I KNOW without ANY doubt that HE will lead me directly down the path he desires. However, it's getting so VERY difficult to hear his voice over all the background noise. I'm physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired of just trying to stay on track and not derail. It's not coming easy and HOW I wish it were. Personal situations are getting harder to deal with and more difficult by the day.

I'm still moving forward and I refuse to lay down and give up. I can't. There is NO way God has let us go through so many things or allowed us to have to deal with so much to NOT have a real purpose in mind. I can't see the big picture, but HE does. I don't see where certain unanswered prayers have a purpose, but HE does. I don't know why some people can be so hurtful, so unthoughtful, and uncaring, but HE knows what he wants me to learn from it. HE knows exactly where I will be on THAT day that he reveals the next step of His plan for my life. I'm just going to continue to praise Him during the wait, no matter how heavy my heart feels. I know that the day I finally HEAR his voice as PLAIN as day----He will be rejoicing right along with me. I know He will probably feel the same way about me as I do about the kids when I FINALLY get a difficult concept through their thick skulls!

I'm thankful that God has given me some amazing people to encourage me along the way recently. What a pleasure it is to have relationships with people that are willing to boost you up and most importantly petition God on your behalf. THANK YOU! So many of your encouraging words have really been like salve to an open wound.

Today, JUST as I was having a break down of epic proportions, my Aunt sent something out of the blue that I want to share. I think I want to print a thousand copies and hang it EVERYWHERE so I never lose sight of it. Thanks Aunt T!

Dear God:
Please untie the knots
that are in my mind,
my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots,
the can nots and the do nots
that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots,
may nots,
might nots that may find
a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots,
would nots and
should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all,
Dear God,
I ask that you remove from my mind,
my heart and my life all of the "am nots"
that I have allowed to hold me back,
especially the thought
that I am not good enough.
(author unknown)
I think that perfectly sums it up. I'm full of knots and nots that are READY to be removed!

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