This month I'm participating along with many other women across the United States in the S.H.M.I.L.Y group's prayer for 30 days focusing on our husbands. Though this isn't the first time I've participated, it has so far been the deepest I have ever gone with it. Though we definitely feel Satan attacking us STRONGLY as we are becoming closer to God and each other, it has been a tremendous time for us.
I could write endlessly about the benefits it has produced in our marriage, our home, and specifically within me. However, today's post is about how God can use something to specifically speak to us even though our focus is completely geared towards something else.
There have been two great contributing factors that have produced the depth level: my open, pliable heart and the time I'm spending REALLY studying and working through each day's chapter. Instead of just skipping to the suggested prayer, I've taken each chapter and written notes to place in each day of my prayer journal. Today, I found myself a couple of days behind in the note-taking, but God used that being behind to really speak to me this afternoon. The notes I'm working on today deal with healing and our husband's health. Generally, I would imagine I would have normally sped through the chapter and moved on. After all, health is something we can easily take for granted. Kevin is in general good health (he hasn't even had one of his horrific headaches in several months!). Therefore, I could have easily zipped through this chapter and worked quickly on catching up. Instead, God told me to slow down and soak in the chapter. No skipping to the end was allowed.
It was in those few pages that He grabbed me. Stormie Omartian wrote about praying for healing and how powerful God's healing is. NO doubt! We've all witnessed healing many times in our own lives and those around us. It was the other words that caught me. It was the part about when he DOESN'T heal. When he lets physical ailments linger and even when He allows death to take someone we love away from us. It caught my attention on many levels. For many years I've struggled with my own chronic illness. Though I'm in a phase right now that I'm least bothered by symptoms than I have been in many months, there were years that it robbed me of my joy and prevented me from being the mom I needed to be. God hasn't lifted that from me and He has his reasons. I have to trust Him regardless of how He answers our prayers. He may either be saying "No" or simply "wait". I thought of it on the level of someone close to me suffering from a serious, rare disease NEEDING immediate healing. So far, He is also saying "Not now" in regards to healing. The final level I thought about was the one that has being weighing so heavy in recent months. He didn't say "Yes", he didn't say "Wait"......he said "No!".
I admit I struggle greatly with the fact that He didn't heal my father on earth. I don't see the big picture and understand how this plays into His ultimate plan. I have yet to come up with any purpose in taking such a great, healthy man and destroying his body by allowing it to be eaten away by cancer in such a rapid way that stunned even the doctor's who deal with it every day. However, God DID have a plan. He knows exactly why he said "No".
Stormie talked about how we always need to keep praying for healing, but we have to be ready to accept the bottom line that God's decision is exactly that....HIS decision. We don't have the final say over anyone's hour of death. The Bible says there are both times to heal and times to die (Ecclesiastes 3:2,3). We don't make that decision and we have to accept that. We can and SHOULD pray, but HE determines the outcome. The words that most specifically caught my attention were "We have to give Him that privilege without resenting, faulting, or getting angry at Him.". That is the hard part. Accepting the outcome is the easier part for me because I know I can't change what has already happened. The hard part is ridding myself of all resentment and not getting angry. Fortunately, MOST days I can release it. The other days.....well, I'm working on those. I have to remember on those days that I have no right to question an all knowing, all powerful God that has the right to give and take life. His ways aren't always MY ways. However, that is no excuse to throw myself on the ground and have a temper tantrum. Trust me, it isn't pretty when a child does it....can you imagine an adult? Just this weekend we witnessed a child that appeared to be the same age as Peyton throw a FULL tantrum in Target because his mother was firm in her decision to not buy him a $9 toy he demanded. It took everything in our power to keep our chins off the ground at the sight we all saw. I can only imagine what kind of crowd I would draw if I were to do the same!!
So, today I choose to trust. Today I choose to not lay on the ground kicking and screaming drawing a crowd. Today I choose to guard my heart from resentment. Today I choose to allow God the privilege that is solely His in deciding healing and death. Today I choose to continue to pray for healing for those dear to me. Though He didn't make the decision my heart desired in regards to my father, it doesn't mean that I give up hope of Him restoring health to those others in need. Today I choose to not let jealousy or bitterness take root when He heals someone else. Oh, it would be easy to allow it. Instead, I choose to cling to the joyous and tender moments where He has reached my heart in the last months. Today, that is the choice I make!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Broken, Yet, Thankful
Yesterday, I experienced perhaps the greatest wave of grief since those first few weeks. It hit hard and knocked me down greater than I was expecting.
Being a social work major in college allowed me the opportunity to go through many classes that dealt with grief. We even had one entire semester dedicated to "Death and Dying". You can learn all the book facts and have all the "right" answers, but experiencing it yourself changes everything. It's just like being a parent. When you aren't a parent, you can read all the books and know all the facts. You may "have" all the answers, but until that day you hold your child in your arms and your heart starts beating on the OUTSIDE of your chest....you just can't fully comprehend it. Everything changes.
I was extremely homesick and wanting to be home the previous weekend. Relay for Life took place in Gallatin and I had purchased a luminary for Dad. Seeing those pictures were unreal. It was honoring and special, yet it was overwhelming. It left me speechless to see his lit up among rows of others----others that have lost their battle with cancer and others that are still fighting with every thing they have in them. I also wanted to be home because it was decoration at the cemetery where he was buried. Knowing it was the first one and the emotions that everyone was dealing with was hard. I wanted to be home. I didn't want to be home at the same time. I toss back and forth between those emotions so often. Torn. Constantly.
However, what hit yesterday was hard. I've been extremely busy in the last few weeks. I've not really had a chance to slow down and think about much except the actual tasks at hand. Because the things I'm working on are important, fulfilling, and necessary...I haven't felt out of sorts. Being busy is a good thing, but yet it's a bad thing when you do stop. Because at that point, it ALL comes back and you realize just how much pain you've been carrying around and pushing away.
The breaking point came from the very harsh reality about Father's Day. I have been completely focused on preparing to celebrate Kevin with the kids. We have spent several weeks thinking and planning for his gift. In all of the buzzing around, I didn't stop to think about what it meant for me. For the first time in my life, I won't have MY daddy here to celebrate. It didn't even really hit me when I was buying Kevin a card. Because my sole focus at that moment was on buying Kevin a card from me, I didn't take the time to think of the other implications. When it hit me like a brick yesterday, I broke. The weight descended greater than ever. I will never walk down a card aisle or pull out my card making supplies and make my own Dad a card. That amazing man isn't here.
Granted, I will spend that day celebrating Kevin because he is a prime example of godly fatherhood. He deserves EVERY second and MUCH more that the kids and I will spend with him trying to make him see how much he amazes us. I will throw myself into that day for him and not regret a single second. However, my heart is ripping apart.
I still find myself stuck in this odd place. EVERY single day I know my Dad isn't with us. That is reality and it's something I think of often. But yet, there is the odd sensation every time someone mentions his name and most especially when I pick up one of his picture frames to dust. There is this pause that is only a flash of a second, but yet it feels like eternity. It's that moment that my brain remembers that the picture is only a representation now. That man isn't 328.6 miles away working in the garage restoring his classic cars, working at church, sitting at the desk in his home office pouring over some kind of paperwork, or doing something that needs to be done on the farm. He isn't cheering along at a ball game or watching one on TV. He isn't sitting in his favorite chair waiting for one of the grandkids to crawl up and sit in his lap. He isn't picking up the phone and saying "Yello" (never HELLO!).
I am cherishing the memories and every day I remember another one that is priceless. That is the JOY to be found in grief. There are moments that no matter how painful the loss is, a memory soothes the heartache away. I am wrapping myself up in those moments. I hold onto his last few hours and his victory arms as he was ready to walk home with Christ. I let those moments wash away the horrendous memories of the suffering and images that no one can ever imagine unless they've seen the deteriorating effects of cancer and chemo on a healthy body. I let the victorious moments wash away the pain that comes when the kids miss him like crazy. I let the victorious moments exemplify the beauty of my "Sweet T" keeping one foot forward every day even though her heart is ripped to shreds.
I hang on. What else is there to do? I made a promise to my Daddy that first weekend after we heard the devastating news. Only very immediate family knew at that point and the house was still quiet as we tried to process our next steps. From the first moment, we knew that his battle was so extensive that his only real victory would not be an earthly healing. We never dreamed that the 6-24 months time frame would be five weeks. What I do know is that on that quiet weekend when we talked as a family about our next steps, I made a promise. It was a promise that I would NOT blame God and I would not let this journey damage my faith in any way. I would be strong enough to make sure that my kids saw my strength to carry them through whatever was going to happen. Though we sometimes make promises in the heat of a moment and can't always live up to them, I made it whole-heartedly. THAT promise is what carries me through gut wrenching moments like yesterday.
I was broken. I'm still today struggling with keeping my focus and not having epic moments of being in a puddle in the floor. It's possible. It would be easy to allow to happen. Most every other "hard" moment has come as a shared brokenness. The kids were experiencing a hard moment, so I was strong for them. Teresa was having to deal with something we never dreamed of, so I was strong for her. We were strong together. Dealing with some paperwork I never dreamed of holding in my hand was unreal, but the focus of getting the task done made it bearable.. But having the realization of not having a father to celebrate on Father's Day is about me and I think that is why it hit me so hard. It's so much easier to be strong for anyone and everyone else, but when it's just about me....that's when it is the hardest.
It's also getting tough because I'm forgetting. I'm forgetting what his voice sounds like. How is that even possible? I think that is something we take for granted. The familiarity that comes with those dearest to us is so easy to take for granted.
I don't know what is next on this crazy journey, but I'm thankful. I'm thankful that for every moment of pain there is a joy. I'm thankful that even though there are people that have greatly disappointed during this journey because of their lack of sympathy, their coldness, or their attempt to trivialize our pain, there are many others that have stepped in with just the right words at just the right moment. I'm thankful for a husband that let me have those moments of brokenness, letting me cry on his shoulder until his shirt was soaked (and more than once throughout the day). He didn't tell me that "it will be ok", "I know how you feel", "you can still buy (make, send) a card", "you need to be strong","hang onto your faith". He didn't tell me anything of the sort. He simply said he wished he could take it away, but he couldn't and simply let me feel anything and everything that I needed to feel in those moments. I'm thankful.
Being a social work major in college allowed me the opportunity to go through many classes that dealt with grief. We even had one entire semester dedicated to "Death and Dying". You can learn all the book facts and have all the "right" answers, but experiencing it yourself changes everything. It's just like being a parent. When you aren't a parent, you can read all the books and know all the facts. You may "have" all the answers, but until that day you hold your child in your arms and your heart starts beating on the OUTSIDE of your chest....you just can't fully comprehend it. Everything changes.
I was extremely homesick and wanting to be home the previous weekend. Relay for Life took place in Gallatin and I had purchased a luminary for Dad. Seeing those pictures were unreal. It was honoring and special, yet it was overwhelming. It left me speechless to see his lit up among rows of others----others that have lost their battle with cancer and others that are still fighting with every thing they have in them. I also wanted to be home because it was decoration at the cemetery where he was buried. Knowing it was the first one and the emotions that everyone was dealing with was hard. I wanted to be home. I didn't want to be home at the same time. I toss back and forth between those emotions so often. Torn. Constantly.
However, what hit yesterday was hard. I've been extremely busy in the last few weeks. I've not really had a chance to slow down and think about much except the actual tasks at hand. Because the things I'm working on are important, fulfilling, and necessary...I haven't felt out of sorts. Being busy is a good thing, but yet it's a bad thing when you do stop. Because at that point, it ALL comes back and you realize just how much pain you've been carrying around and pushing away.
The breaking point came from the very harsh reality about Father's Day. I have been completely focused on preparing to celebrate Kevin with the kids. We have spent several weeks thinking and planning for his gift. In all of the buzzing around, I didn't stop to think about what it meant for me. For the first time in my life, I won't have MY daddy here to celebrate. It didn't even really hit me when I was buying Kevin a card. Because my sole focus at that moment was on buying Kevin a card from me, I didn't take the time to think of the other implications. When it hit me like a brick yesterday, I broke. The weight descended greater than ever. I will never walk down a card aisle or pull out my card making supplies and make my own Dad a card. That amazing man isn't here.
Granted, I will spend that day celebrating Kevin because he is a prime example of godly fatherhood. He deserves EVERY second and MUCH more that the kids and I will spend with him trying to make him see how much he amazes us. I will throw myself into that day for him and not regret a single second. However, my heart is ripping apart.
I still find myself stuck in this odd place. EVERY single day I know my Dad isn't with us. That is reality and it's something I think of often. But yet, there is the odd sensation every time someone mentions his name and most especially when I pick up one of his picture frames to dust. There is this pause that is only a flash of a second, but yet it feels like eternity. It's that moment that my brain remembers that the picture is only a representation now. That man isn't 328.6 miles away working in the garage restoring his classic cars, working at church, sitting at the desk in his home office pouring over some kind of paperwork, or doing something that needs to be done on the farm. He isn't cheering along at a ball game or watching one on TV. He isn't sitting in his favorite chair waiting for one of the grandkids to crawl up and sit in his lap. He isn't picking up the phone and saying "Yello" (never HELLO!).
I am cherishing the memories and every day I remember another one that is priceless. That is the JOY to be found in grief. There are moments that no matter how painful the loss is, a memory soothes the heartache away. I am wrapping myself up in those moments. I hold onto his last few hours and his victory arms as he was ready to walk home with Christ. I let those moments wash away the horrendous memories of the suffering and images that no one can ever imagine unless they've seen the deteriorating effects of cancer and chemo on a healthy body. I let the victorious moments wash away the pain that comes when the kids miss him like crazy. I let the victorious moments exemplify the beauty of my "Sweet T" keeping one foot forward every day even though her heart is ripped to shreds.
I hang on. What else is there to do? I made a promise to my Daddy that first weekend after we heard the devastating news. Only very immediate family knew at that point and the house was still quiet as we tried to process our next steps. From the first moment, we knew that his battle was so extensive that his only real victory would not be an earthly healing. We never dreamed that the 6-24 months time frame would be five weeks. What I do know is that on that quiet weekend when we talked as a family about our next steps, I made a promise. It was a promise that I would NOT blame God and I would not let this journey damage my faith in any way. I would be strong enough to make sure that my kids saw my strength to carry them through whatever was going to happen. Though we sometimes make promises in the heat of a moment and can't always live up to them, I made it whole-heartedly. THAT promise is what carries me through gut wrenching moments like yesterday.
I was broken. I'm still today struggling with keeping my focus and not having epic moments of being in a puddle in the floor. It's possible. It would be easy to allow to happen. Most every other "hard" moment has come as a shared brokenness. The kids were experiencing a hard moment, so I was strong for them. Teresa was having to deal with something we never dreamed of, so I was strong for her. We were strong together. Dealing with some paperwork I never dreamed of holding in my hand was unreal, but the focus of getting the task done made it bearable.. But having the realization of not having a father to celebrate on Father's Day is about me and I think that is why it hit me so hard. It's so much easier to be strong for anyone and everyone else, but when it's just about me....that's when it is the hardest.
It's also getting tough because I'm forgetting. I'm forgetting what his voice sounds like. How is that even possible? I think that is something we take for granted. The familiarity that comes with those dearest to us is so easy to take for granted.
I don't know what is next on this crazy journey, but I'm thankful. I'm thankful that for every moment of pain there is a joy. I'm thankful that even though there are people that have greatly disappointed during this journey because of their lack of sympathy, their coldness, or their attempt to trivialize our pain, there are many others that have stepped in with just the right words at just the right moment. I'm thankful for a husband that let me have those moments of brokenness, letting me cry on his shoulder until his shirt was soaked (and more than once throughout the day). He didn't tell me that "it will be ok", "I know how you feel", "you can still buy (make, send) a card", "you need to be strong","hang onto your faith". He didn't tell me anything of the sort. He simply said he wished he could take it away, but he couldn't and simply let me feel anything and everything that I needed to feel in those moments. I'm thankful.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Celebration of a Milestone
Though it happened in reality two weeks ago, tonight we celebrated a milestone. Adriana completed 8th grade and we had a surprise dinner celebration for her. Where in the world did the time go? I'm still stunned to know that I now have a high schooler at home! (It's also tough on this mom's heart to have her baby starting Kindergarten at the same time....where are the Kleenex?).
When we first started this journey of homeschooling, we had no idea what the future would hold for us. At the time, we felt we had no choice based on where we were living and the pathetic academic standards. At that point it was truly more about academics than religious freedom. Adriana was reading WELL at age 4 and was tested at an 8th grade reading level during the second semester of Kindergarten. The school district we were in when we made the decision to pursue home education had an 80% failure rate of 5th graders passing basic skills test. There was just no way we could stand the thought of putting a child with an insatiable desire to learn and maturity well beyond her years in a regular school and there was absolutely no room in the budget for other avenues.
Fast forward a few years and our reasons have changed, but our commitment has not wavered. I don't necessarily believe our "choice" is the right path for everyone, but if God calls you to it...HE WILL MAKE A WAY! We are prime examples of that! He has provided for us EVERY step of the way. Most specifically, being right where we are at this time I feel was ordained by God to allow us to grow together as a family in regards to spiritual growth and academic opportunities. The move here to C-U was completely a step out in faith and has had some serious fails and bobbles along the way, but it has been TREMENDOUS for our family. The relationships we've formed have made our commitment to raising a "different" family possible. Thank you to each of you that inspire us and lift us up EVERY day. Thank you to a city that allows us so many different, limitless possibilities of enrichment, community, and growth!
Adriana is a special young lady that we learn from daily. Her heart is huge and her love for Christ is unparalleled. The growth this year academically has been amazing. I so look forward to the coming school year as we together jump in with both feet in faith. CANNONBALL (FCC'rs understand the reference!). Though I admit to being a nervous wreck about choosing which direction we go, I have no doubt that God will lead us and He will provide. I also can not wait to see what He has in store for her in the coming year. It seems like she has opportunities left and right to grow in ALL areas and I can't wait to see it happen. I feel blessed to have been able to take this journey with her and I am blessed to have my daughter in my life. Though I don't believe a parent should be a "friend" first....I'm still glad that she is a friend. I'm glad that the love of Christ flows through her and shines!
When we first started this journey of homeschooling, we had no idea what the future would hold for us. At the time, we felt we had no choice based on where we were living and the pathetic academic standards. At that point it was truly more about academics than religious freedom. Adriana was reading WELL at age 4 and was tested at an 8th grade reading level during the second semester of Kindergarten. The school district we were in when we made the decision to pursue home education had an 80% failure rate of 5th graders passing basic skills test. There was just no way we could stand the thought of putting a child with an insatiable desire to learn and maturity well beyond her years in a regular school and there was absolutely no room in the budget for other avenues.
Fast forward a few years and our reasons have changed, but our commitment has not wavered. I don't necessarily believe our "choice" is the right path for everyone, but if God calls you to it...HE WILL MAKE A WAY! We are prime examples of that! He has provided for us EVERY step of the way. Most specifically, being right where we are at this time I feel was ordained by God to allow us to grow together as a family in regards to spiritual growth and academic opportunities. The move here to C-U was completely a step out in faith and has had some serious fails and bobbles along the way, but it has been TREMENDOUS for our family. The relationships we've formed have made our commitment to raising a "different" family possible. Thank you to each of you that inspire us and lift us up EVERY day. Thank you to a city that allows us so many different, limitless possibilities of enrichment, community, and growth!
Adriana is a special young lady that we learn from daily. Her heart is huge and her love for Christ is unparalleled. The growth this year academically has been amazing. I so look forward to the coming school year as we together jump in with both feet in faith. CANNONBALL (FCC'rs understand the reference!). Though I admit to being a nervous wreck about choosing which direction we go, I have no doubt that God will lead us and He will provide. I also can not wait to see what He has in store for her in the coming year. It seems like she has opportunities left and right to grow in ALL areas and I can't wait to see it happen. I feel blessed to have been able to take this journey with her and I am blessed to have my daughter in my life. Though I don't believe a parent should be a "friend" first....I'm still glad that she is a friend. I'm glad that the love of Christ flows through her and shines!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
An Admission of Failure
I've mentioned before that when I first started this blog I would be honest. I would be open. I wouldn't be guilty of sugar-coating and I wouldn't be guilty of dishonesty. I promised to be transparent. That means I share the good along with the bad.
With that said, I admit failure. I admit to being wrong. Confession time.
I've wasted time. I've wasted memories that could have been made. I've wasted opportunities I will never get back. I have prevented God from blessing us. I've been disobedient. Time is so short and we have no guarantees of tomorrow. I can't turn back the clock or rewind the months or years. Oh, do I ever wish it were so. It doesn't matter that we are all guilty of similar faults. I'm guilty of these faults in MANY areas and at MANY times, but most specifically I'm targeting marriage.
Currently I am participating in a 30 day challenge hosted by S.H.M.I.L.Y (Amy of Dandelion Seeds). It involves women around the world committing to praying for their husbands the month of June. We follow along with Stormie Omartian's book "The Power of a Praying Wife". This isn't the first time I've participated with the group. However, this time has been more meaningful and the deepest I've ever gone with it. At other times we were struggling and the prayers were a bit harder to truly believe in. Other times, we were growing in marriage but yet I was struggling personally so greatly that I couldn't see beyond myself enough to see the bigger picture. It seems like this time everything is falling into place for God to REALLY use this time. We're only into it a week at this point and my eyes have never been open as much as they are right now. Granted, we've been doing other studies and attending marriage events that have also fostered the growth that is happening.
The first day/chapter of the book is the prayer that starts with "CHANGE ME". That is where it ALL begins. That is where the greatest impact comes from. Yes, the rest of the book contain specific prayers to enrich the lives of our husbands, but it begins with a change in my own heart.
I have another confession to make. Prayer doesn't come easy for me. I know others feel that way. I just had a conversation with a dear friend the other day that echoed my same feelings. Some people are truly gifted in that area and the rest of us...well, it's not easy. One of my biggest issues is focus. I constantly am in a prayerful mode throughout the day and have no problems with a few lines of prayer. It's the deep, soul-searching ones that I struggle with. My mind doesn't slow down very often and let's face it---a SAHM and home schooling mom doesn't have much luxury of uninterrupted time. Good grief----a trip to the bathroom is seldom even peaceful!!!! One thing I'm doing to help with this issue is to "write" my prayers. Yes, it takes time...but that isn't a bad thing. I can pick it up and start several times if I can't finish it. I can maintain my thoughts and I have time to listen to God's answers. Taking this approach is changing the effectiveness of my prayers AND the connection I have with God on a regular basis.
This approach is the way I've attacked this cycle of 30 days of prayer. It's making a remarkable difference. I'm spending more than just 2 minutes rattling off a prayer of the day's topic. I'm letting God have my full attention as I intercede for Kevin, but it's more importantly changing me.
Today's focus really has grabbed me the most so far (besides day one). The topic is about "His Mind". I joked with him earlier and told him that he couldn't say he had already lost it or anything of the such. It's not even about his intelligence (which he is incredibly smarter than he will ever give himself credit for...I could KICK those people that have told him differently through the years!....I'm borrowing a line from a friend "I'm visualizing punching {that person} in the face!). It's about praying that he doesn't believe the lies that Satan tells him. It's about erasing the words: hopeless, no good, failure, impossible, it's over, and why try. It's about replacing those words with: hope, prosperity, possibility, success, and new beginning. Depression, bitterness, anger, fear, rejection, hopelessness, loneliness, rebellion, temptation, evil and other "negatives" all begin in the mind. All of these things destroy! They are not of God.
Two powerful tools are available to help combat the lies: the Word of God and Praise. Speaking/Praying God's word helps reveal the wrong thinking and it looses it power.
"The Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12)
"God has not given (him) a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)
Praise also works wonders in replacing the wrong thoughts. Speaking both praise to God and praise to Kevin works wonders. Don't our own negative thoughts lose their power when someone compliments us or lifts us up in praise? Our husbands are absolutely no different. Perhaps they need it even more than those of us women that admit to being emotionally needy.
My specific failure? Failing to recognize the power I have through Christ to change my husband's life. Putting my own needs, wants, desires ahead of his too many times. Spending too much time in my marriage thinking that he is the key to all of my happiness or that he is responsible for meeting my needs. How many marriages are being tossed away for those exact reasons? How much time have I wasted by not putting enough effort into making HIM my priority? Too much. The weight hit me quite heavily tonight when I realized that though we are a success story in a marriage being restored and experiencing exponential growth, so many opportunities have been missed. The growth we have now could have been experienced YEARS ago. How many blessings have we missed because I wasn't FIGHTING for him. Fighting for him through prayer and God's word. How many blessings have been missed because I was too caught up in expecting him to meet MY needs and my selfishness blocked what God was wanting us to see? I'll never know the answer to that.
What I do know is this....GRACE has been at work. Just as I talked about in Lesson in Grace---from Peter, there is no perfection. God's grace has sustained us and God's grace will continue to bind us together more and more. I will fight the battle of not carrying the guilt and shame that failures can bring. However, it's essential to admit failures and grow from them.
I look forward to listening to what God has to say as I continue with this 30 day challenge (and others that I'm currently involved in). I look forward to seeing other ways that I can uplift Kevin and fight for him to be the man of God he was designed to be and for our marriage to be the picture that God had in mind the day that he put him in my path at New Hope church in the summer of 1994. God knows exactly the plan he had for us when he let us experience *that* moment on our first date on September 23rd, 1994 while Michael W. Smith was singing "Friends are Friends Forever". The moment that we knew we had stepped into something special that only God could have designed. He most definitely knew the plan for us when we were married exactly one year to the day later. He knows exactly the plan for us today and we are trusting that each day we are more open to hearing the direction He is leading us and what He wants from us. Stronger. Together.
With that said, I admit failure. I admit to being wrong. Confession time.
I've wasted time. I've wasted memories that could have been made. I've wasted opportunities I will never get back. I have prevented God from blessing us. I've been disobedient. Time is so short and we have no guarantees of tomorrow. I can't turn back the clock or rewind the months or years. Oh, do I ever wish it were so. It doesn't matter that we are all guilty of similar faults. I'm guilty of these faults in MANY areas and at MANY times, but most specifically I'm targeting marriage.
Currently I am participating in a 30 day challenge hosted by S.H.M.I.L.Y (Amy of Dandelion Seeds). It involves women around the world committing to praying for their husbands the month of June. We follow along with Stormie Omartian's book "The Power of a Praying Wife". This isn't the first time I've participated with the group. However, this time has been more meaningful and the deepest I've ever gone with it. At other times we were struggling and the prayers were a bit harder to truly believe in. Other times, we were growing in marriage but yet I was struggling personally so greatly that I couldn't see beyond myself enough to see the bigger picture. It seems like this time everything is falling into place for God to REALLY use this time. We're only into it a week at this point and my eyes have never been open as much as they are right now. Granted, we've been doing other studies and attending marriage events that have also fostered the growth that is happening.
The first day/chapter of the book is the prayer that starts with "CHANGE ME". That is where it ALL begins. That is where the greatest impact comes from. Yes, the rest of the book contain specific prayers to enrich the lives of our husbands, but it begins with a change in my own heart.
I have another confession to make. Prayer doesn't come easy for me. I know others feel that way. I just had a conversation with a dear friend the other day that echoed my same feelings. Some people are truly gifted in that area and the rest of us...well, it's not easy. One of my biggest issues is focus. I constantly am in a prayerful mode throughout the day and have no problems with a few lines of prayer. It's the deep, soul-searching ones that I struggle with. My mind doesn't slow down very often and let's face it---a SAHM and home schooling mom doesn't have much luxury of uninterrupted time. Good grief----a trip to the bathroom is seldom even peaceful!!!! One thing I'm doing to help with this issue is to "write" my prayers. Yes, it takes time...but that isn't a bad thing. I can pick it up and start several times if I can't finish it. I can maintain my thoughts and I have time to listen to God's answers. Taking this approach is changing the effectiveness of my prayers AND the connection I have with God on a regular basis.
This approach is the way I've attacked this cycle of 30 days of prayer. It's making a remarkable difference. I'm spending more than just 2 minutes rattling off a prayer of the day's topic. I'm letting God have my full attention as I intercede for Kevin, but it's more importantly changing me.
Today's focus really has grabbed me the most so far (besides day one). The topic is about "His Mind". I joked with him earlier and told him that he couldn't say he had already lost it or anything of the such. It's not even about his intelligence (which he is incredibly smarter than he will ever give himself credit for...I could KICK those people that have told him differently through the years!....I'm borrowing a line from a friend "I'm visualizing punching {that person} in the face!). It's about praying that he doesn't believe the lies that Satan tells him. It's about erasing the words: hopeless, no good, failure, impossible, it's over, and why try. It's about replacing those words with: hope, prosperity, possibility, success, and new beginning. Depression, bitterness, anger, fear, rejection, hopelessness, loneliness, rebellion, temptation, evil and other "negatives" all begin in the mind. All of these things destroy! They are not of God.
Two powerful tools are available to help combat the lies: the Word of God and Praise. Speaking/Praying God's word helps reveal the wrong thinking and it looses it power.
"The Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12)
"God has not given (him) a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)
Praise also works wonders in replacing the wrong thoughts. Speaking both praise to God and praise to Kevin works wonders. Don't our own negative thoughts lose their power when someone compliments us or lifts us up in praise? Our husbands are absolutely no different. Perhaps they need it even more than those of us women that admit to being emotionally needy.
My specific failure? Failing to recognize the power I have through Christ to change my husband's life. Putting my own needs, wants, desires ahead of his too many times. Spending too much time in my marriage thinking that he is the key to all of my happiness or that he is responsible for meeting my needs. How many marriages are being tossed away for those exact reasons? How much time have I wasted by not putting enough effort into making HIM my priority? Too much. The weight hit me quite heavily tonight when I realized that though we are a success story in a marriage being restored and experiencing exponential growth, so many opportunities have been missed. The growth we have now could have been experienced YEARS ago. How many blessings have we missed because I wasn't FIGHTING for him. Fighting for him through prayer and God's word. How many blessings have been missed because I was too caught up in expecting him to meet MY needs and my selfishness blocked what God was wanting us to see? I'll never know the answer to that.
What I do know is this....GRACE has been at work. Just as I talked about in Lesson in Grace---from Peter, there is no perfection. God's grace has sustained us and God's grace will continue to bind us together more and more. I will fight the battle of not carrying the guilt and shame that failures can bring. However, it's essential to admit failures and grow from them.
I look forward to listening to what God has to say as I continue with this 30 day challenge (and others that I'm currently involved in). I look forward to seeing other ways that I can uplift Kevin and fight for him to be the man of God he was designed to be and for our marriage to be the picture that God had in mind the day that he put him in my path at New Hope church in the summer of 1994. God knows exactly the plan he had for us when he let us experience *that* moment on our first date on September 23rd, 1994 while Michael W. Smith was singing "Friends are Friends Forever". The moment that we knew we had stepped into something special that only God could have designed. He most definitely knew the plan for us when we were married exactly one year to the day later. He knows exactly the plan for us today and we are trusting that each day we are more open to hearing the direction He is leading us and what He wants from us. Stronger. Together.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Love & War by John & Stasi Eldredge
"Love & War: Finding Your Way to Something Beautiful in Your Marriage" by John and Stasi Eldredge is that good. I've literally read over 100 books on marriage through the years. It's one of my passions. This book is remarkable. It seems like so many marriage books sound the same. They may inspire changes and they may help strengthen or repair a marriage, but they sound the same. This book by the Eldredges doesn't fall in that same category. It is remarkably different.
Every marriage is at war and you have to be actively fighting the enemy to make it work. That enemy is NOT your spouse. You HAVE to actively wage spiritual warfare in order to have the kind of marriage that God intended for each of us to have. Recently at the Love Worth Fighting For marriage event, Kirk Cameron spoke about the same thing and it was fantastic to see these same ideas.
The other foundation of this amazing book is the true picture of love. We were designed to have this insatiable desire to be loved and give love. Our need for love drives us to God and our love of God teaches us how to truly love another person!
Perhaps you are far removed from the marriage you dreamed of on that day you vowed to love, honor, and cherish. Perhaps you are about to walk away because this life isn't what you expected. Perhaps you have a great marriage and just want to take it to another level. Perhaps you want to know how to stop fighting your spouse and need to learn how to fight the real enemy. Perhaps you just need to know what God intended when he ordained marriage. It's in the book. It's life-changing. Grab it, read it, and let it soak in. It's THAT good!
*Disclaimer: This book was provided to me by WaterBrook Multonomah in exchange for my review. My opinions are my own and are truthfully based on my impressions of the book.*
A Lesson in Grace---from Peter
I mentioned in my "School's Out--Now What" post, that one of the things I was working on this summer was following along with GoodMorningGirls book club summer reading of "The Ministry of Motherhood". The group is actually beginning their 4th week. I just received my book on Friday. I thought about just reading through the book at my normal fast pace and starting on track with them today. However, that would mean I would skip out on the very valuable learning and growing that would take place by really immersing myself into the worksheets, SOAPs [Bible study which follows Scripture (write it out), Observation (what is God trying to show me), Application (how can I apply it to my life), and Prayer], and the numerous blog posts and videos from other women.
I wasn't for sure which was the best approach...start slowly and not worry about catching up or DIVE in, catch up, and then take it slow. God took that decision out of my hands and made it easy. I decided I would try to do all of the "work" I had missed at a rapid pace.....the best of both worlds so to speak. NO! God said to slow down and soak it all in. When I sat down to do the first SOAP---I found it impossible to jump in and do it quickly. Just soaking in the verse Psalm 127:1 and fully applying the SOAP method took me hours because it spoke so deeply to me. "Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted." So, God said slow down and focus on me....don't focus on catching up. I can still use the same tools and reap the same benefits that come from a group Bible/book study. I can still have the same accountability and encouragement.
I'm so glad I decided to slow down and focus instead of just trying to "check" it off the list. Last night I had intended to read several chapters, but instead I just made it through one because I really let it soak in. I'm glad I did because God found me in those pages. He found me because I stopped and let Him.
Chapter 1 is the first of several that talk about GRACE. It's important that we accept grace and give grace. Most especially it is important that we model it for our children. They need to learn how to accept it and to give it. I'm looking forward to the author expanding on that more in the coming chapters because I do feel it is important and I am excited to read about ways to let God use me in teaching it. I'm a firm believer in "you can't teach what you don't know". I can't wait to see how He molds my own heart in the process.
When I slowed down, I found God talking to me in the first part of the chapter. Sally Clarkson did a great job of using her words to bring the story of Peter to life. Her telling the story was intended to set the scene for modeling and accepting grace. I normally would have read the story of Peter and rushed right into the "meat" of the chapter and finding the answers I wanted "now". After all, how many countless times have I read or heard that story. Having been in church from the time of birth and Sunday school seldom ever being missed, I knew it well. After all, I have taught all three of my children the matching little song "Peter, James, and John in the sailboat"......and they all loved it. It would have been easy to skip right through those words and on to the "how-to". God said no. He said stop HERE and listen to ME.
When I did as He asked, His spirit ran all over me. Peter was on that boat with his shoulders sagging. He had messed up, "royally" as my southern roots would say. He had been one of Christ's chosen followers. He had walked hand in hand ministering with Jesus. He was on "fire" for God. But now, he was defeated and a storm was raging in his heart and soul. He had failed. He had denied that he had ever known his "master". He had been a coward and deserted Jesus in his greatest hour of need. Nothing he could do could wash away the shame and guilt he was feeling. Jesus had called him "the rock". He now was a disappointment in his own eyes.
His friends tried to encourage him and cheer him up. They reminded him of forgiveness and how vast the love of Christ is. He knew they were right, However, he just couldn't "feel" it. He had even witnessed the incredible resurrection. He had even felt that forgiveness temporarily. Jesus had even embraced him in love and forgiveness. At that moment, he would have done anything for Jesus and the love he felt was real. However, as the next few days went by those "good" feelings were replaced with guilt again. His joy and power were gone. All he felt was remorse, shame, and the accusations in his mind were insurmountable.
On that boat, he was despondent. He was so down on himself. He tried to fish, but his net kept coming back empty. In his mind, he was thinking, "See, I can't even get that right. I'm good for nothing." That is where God found me. How many times have I found myself in that same spot, carrying around that same weight of shame, remorse, and disappointment in myself? Countless. How many times have I felt strong and confident, forgiven of current and past mistakes but then crashed as the guilt and shame returned? More than I care to admit. How many times have I allowed those mistakes to spiral in my thinking to the point that I've felt worthless and as if I will never be pleasing to God? Oh, so many times.
Where does it change? When does the truth really soak in? When does forgiveness really overtake the shame, doubts, and unworthiness. What key is missing?
Peter just knew that if he could just see Jesus one more time, everything would be ok. He just needed to touch him again and let the forgiveness roll all over him and into every little doubt, every little seed of worthlessness that was growing. Peter got that chance. They heard a voice telling them to cast their nets on the other side of the boat. They may have felt silly at the time. They may have been thinking, yeah right....like it will make a difference. However, they decided it can't hurt to try. When they did, their nets came back overflowing. It was a few minutes later that they realized the voice they heard belonged to Jesus. Peter couldn't wait to get out of that boat. I imagine he got to shore in record time. He NEEDED to see and touch Jesus. He needed his heart filled with forgiveness, acceptance, and love. He CRAVED those words "It's all right. My life and love will cover all of your darkness. Just depend on me. You are my chosen one."
Wow---those words are washing all over me even as I reread them and type them. "My love will cover you." He never asked for perfection. In fact, He wants us fully dependent on Him and not trying to do things in our power. It's our failures that drive us to Him. Without His covering of our sins and HIS sacrifice, we can NOT be WHOLE! He offers us GRACE. His grace, unmerited and undeserved favor, is HIS GIFT to us. He wants us to grasp it and BELIEVE it. He wants no part in me (and you) carrying shame and guilt. When we come to Him with a truly repentant heart, it is GONE. His death on the cross was FOR THAT. When we keep carrying around the guilt, shame, and unworthiness we are diminishing the power of the cross. Guilty. We are also letting Satan have a stronghold to attack us. Little seeds that separate us from God can be taken by Satan and he can water them and let them grow deep roots. Letting that continue happen eventually crowds out God's voice. We can't let that happen. We have to take the GRACE of God and ACCEPT it. We can never earn it. We just have to accept it and learn to share it with others.
Perfection is unattainable. We all have regrets. We all have completely, totally messed up something that matters. We've disappointed others and most especially ourselves. I have wasted opportunities and time that can't be given back. I've made decisions that have altered my paths in ways that I wish I had never stepped on. Countless regrets. Outright sin. Disobedience in following what He has asked of me. Failures as a wife. Failures as a mother. The list is unending. GRACE is far reaching. His GRACE reaches down and flushes out the sin and the accompanying guilt, shame, and accusations. I just have to let HIM have that control. The voices of the enemy have to be silenced. I have to be vulnerable enough to turn all of me over to Christ----even the dark spots that we are all good at hiding from the world. I have to just get out of that boat as fast as Peter did and get myself to the shore so that I can touch Christ and hear him tell me that "My life and love cover all your sins".
Grace. It's a powerful word. It's a daily gift. It's something that I can't wait to learn more about. I can't wait to let it take deeper root in my heart. It is NOT a license to do as I wish. I can't live my life knowing that I can use grace as an excuse to be able to willfully sin or ignore God's request. However, it does free me from the perfectionism that tends to drive me. Knowing you can fail and knowing you WILL more times than succeed, is weight-lifting. Shame, guilt, regret, and unworthiness begin to slowly release their grip. Marriages can be saved. Families can be strengthened. Lives can be altered in powerful ways when we learn to give Grace to other people. Being that motherhood IS A MINISTRY, it's something powerful to teach our children. Lead by example. Teach by learning. GRACE.
Let Sally say it better than I ever could:
He allowed Peter to fail spectacularly so he would finally understand that grace is the key to serving God and his kingdom. Not by his own strength and courage, but only God's constant grace and mercy would Peter be able to deliver Jesus' message to the world---a message that would then be wrapped in the grace and mercy he had come to know so well.
As mothers, I believe, we are called to take this lesson of grace to heart. Like Jesus, we are to draw our children to a life apart from the rest of the crowd. Each of us is designed by God to whisper his words to the hearts of our children so they will feel the call of God in their own lives to become "fishers of men". Yet we must always remember that our children, like Peter, will never be perfect. Each of them needs for us, like Jesus, to extend to him or her the gift of constant love, grace, and forgiveness.
He said we are first to love the Lord God with all our hearts (receiving grace), and then we are to love our neighbors as ourselves (giving grace).
Perfection is not a standard he requires of me as a mother, for his grace extends to me as well a my children. My heartfelt trust in him will be the fuel that energizes my days as I see him draw my children through this gift that will serve them their whole lives.
I wasn't for sure which was the best approach...start slowly and not worry about catching up or DIVE in, catch up, and then take it slow. God took that decision out of my hands and made it easy. I decided I would try to do all of the "work" I had missed at a rapid pace.....the best of both worlds so to speak. NO! God said to slow down and soak it all in. When I sat down to do the first SOAP---I found it impossible to jump in and do it quickly. Just soaking in the verse Psalm 127:1 and fully applying the SOAP method took me hours because it spoke so deeply to me. "Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted." So, God said slow down and focus on me....don't focus on catching up. I can still use the same tools and reap the same benefits that come from a group Bible/book study. I can still have the same accountability and encouragement.
I'm so glad I decided to slow down and focus instead of just trying to "check" it off the list. Last night I had intended to read several chapters, but instead I just made it through one because I really let it soak in. I'm glad I did because God found me in those pages. He found me because I stopped and let Him.
Chapter 1 is the first of several that talk about GRACE. It's important that we accept grace and give grace. Most especially it is important that we model it for our children. They need to learn how to accept it and to give it. I'm looking forward to the author expanding on that more in the coming chapters because I do feel it is important and I am excited to read about ways to let God use me in teaching it. I'm a firm believer in "you can't teach what you don't know". I can't wait to see how He molds my own heart in the process.
When I slowed down, I found God talking to me in the first part of the chapter. Sally Clarkson did a great job of using her words to bring the story of Peter to life. Her telling the story was intended to set the scene for modeling and accepting grace. I normally would have read the story of Peter and rushed right into the "meat" of the chapter and finding the answers I wanted "now". After all, how many countless times have I read or heard that story. Having been in church from the time of birth and Sunday school seldom ever being missed, I knew it well. After all, I have taught all three of my children the matching little song "Peter, James, and John in the sailboat"......and they all loved it. It would have been easy to skip right through those words and on to the "how-to". God said no. He said stop HERE and listen to ME.
When I did as He asked, His spirit ran all over me. Peter was on that boat with his shoulders sagging. He had messed up, "royally" as my southern roots would say. He had been one of Christ's chosen followers. He had walked hand in hand ministering with Jesus. He was on "fire" for God. But now, he was defeated and a storm was raging in his heart and soul. He had failed. He had denied that he had ever known his "master". He had been a coward and deserted Jesus in his greatest hour of need. Nothing he could do could wash away the shame and guilt he was feeling. Jesus had called him "the rock". He now was a disappointment in his own eyes.
His friends tried to encourage him and cheer him up. They reminded him of forgiveness and how vast the love of Christ is. He knew they were right, However, he just couldn't "feel" it. He had even witnessed the incredible resurrection. He had even felt that forgiveness temporarily. Jesus had even embraced him in love and forgiveness. At that moment, he would have done anything for Jesus and the love he felt was real. However, as the next few days went by those "good" feelings were replaced with guilt again. His joy and power were gone. All he felt was remorse, shame, and the accusations in his mind were insurmountable.
On that boat, he was despondent. He was so down on himself. He tried to fish, but his net kept coming back empty. In his mind, he was thinking, "See, I can't even get that right. I'm good for nothing." That is where God found me. How many times have I found myself in that same spot, carrying around that same weight of shame, remorse, and disappointment in myself? Countless. How many times have I felt strong and confident, forgiven of current and past mistakes but then crashed as the guilt and shame returned? More than I care to admit. How many times have I allowed those mistakes to spiral in my thinking to the point that I've felt worthless and as if I will never be pleasing to God? Oh, so many times.
Where does it change? When does the truth really soak in? When does forgiveness really overtake the shame, doubts, and unworthiness. What key is missing?
Peter just knew that if he could just see Jesus one more time, everything would be ok. He just needed to touch him again and let the forgiveness roll all over him and into every little doubt, every little seed of worthlessness that was growing. Peter got that chance. They heard a voice telling them to cast their nets on the other side of the boat. They may have felt silly at the time. They may have been thinking, yeah right....like it will make a difference. However, they decided it can't hurt to try. When they did, their nets came back overflowing. It was a few minutes later that they realized the voice they heard belonged to Jesus. Peter couldn't wait to get out of that boat. I imagine he got to shore in record time. He NEEDED to see and touch Jesus. He needed his heart filled with forgiveness, acceptance, and love. He CRAVED those words "It's all right. My life and love will cover all of your darkness. Just depend on me. You are my chosen one."
Wow---those words are washing all over me even as I reread them and type them. "My love will cover you." He never asked for perfection. In fact, He wants us fully dependent on Him and not trying to do things in our power. It's our failures that drive us to Him. Without His covering of our sins and HIS sacrifice, we can NOT be WHOLE! He offers us GRACE. His grace, unmerited and undeserved favor, is HIS GIFT to us. He wants us to grasp it and BELIEVE it. He wants no part in me (and you) carrying shame and guilt. When we come to Him with a truly repentant heart, it is GONE. His death on the cross was FOR THAT. When we keep carrying around the guilt, shame, and unworthiness we are diminishing the power of the cross. Guilty. We are also letting Satan have a stronghold to attack us. Little seeds that separate us from God can be taken by Satan and he can water them and let them grow deep roots. Letting that continue happen eventually crowds out God's voice. We can't let that happen. We have to take the GRACE of God and ACCEPT it. We can never earn it. We just have to accept it and learn to share it with others.
Perfection is unattainable. We all have regrets. We all have completely, totally messed up something that matters. We've disappointed others and most especially ourselves. I have wasted opportunities and time that can't be given back. I've made decisions that have altered my paths in ways that I wish I had never stepped on. Countless regrets. Outright sin. Disobedience in following what He has asked of me. Failures as a wife. Failures as a mother. The list is unending. GRACE is far reaching. His GRACE reaches down and flushes out the sin and the accompanying guilt, shame, and accusations. I just have to let HIM have that control. The voices of the enemy have to be silenced. I have to be vulnerable enough to turn all of me over to Christ----even the dark spots that we are all good at hiding from the world. I have to just get out of that boat as fast as Peter did and get myself to the shore so that I can touch Christ and hear him tell me that "My life and love cover all your sins".
Grace. It's a powerful word. It's a daily gift. It's something that I can't wait to learn more about. I can't wait to let it take deeper root in my heart. It is NOT a license to do as I wish. I can't live my life knowing that I can use grace as an excuse to be able to willfully sin or ignore God's request. However, it does free me from the perfectionism that tends to drive me. Knowing you can fail and knowing you WILL more times than succeed, is weight-lifting. Shame, guilt, regret, and unworthiness begin to slowly release their grip. Marriages can be saved. Families can be strengthened. Lives can be altered in powerful ways when we learn to give Grace to other people. Being that motherhood IS A MINISTRY, it's something powerful to teach our children. Lead by example. Teach by learning. GRACE.
Let Sally say it better than I ever could:
He allowed Peter to fail spectacularly so he would finally understand that grace is the key to serving God and his kingdom. Not by his own strength and courage, but only God's constant grace and mercy would Peter be able to deliver Jesus' message to the world---a message that would then be wrapped in the grace and mercy he had come to know so well.
As mothers, I believe, we are called to take this lesson of grace to heart. Like Jesus, we are to draw our children to a life apart from the rest of the crowd. Each of us is designed by God to whisper his words to the hearts of our children so they will feel the call of God in their own lives to become "fishers of men". Yet we must always remember that our children, like Peter, will never be perfect. Each of them needs for us, like Jesus, to extend to him or her the gift of constant love, grace, and forgiveness.
He said we are first to love the Lord God with all our hearts (receiving grace), and then we are to love our neighbors as ourselves (giving grace).
Perfection is not a standard he requires of me as a mother, for his grace extends to me as well a my children. My heartfelt trust in him will be the fuel that energizes my days as I see him draw my children through this gift that will serve them their whole lives.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
I LOVE Post-It notes & Lists!
I love technology without a doubt. I love spreadsheets, phone apps, forms, online tracking, widgets, buttons, and trackers,etc... I love to "see" what I've accomplished, what I'm working on, and what is next. Recently, I started backing away from my usage of so many technology based things to basically just calm some of the chaos. Too much of a good thing, well...isn't always good! I'm just worn out from keeping up and remembering what I was tracking where and keeping up with what I needed to track........enough already. I've gone back to the simple way of doing things again. IT IS WORKING!
Simple means----lists and LOTS of post-it notes! It means that first thing every morning or the last thing before going to bed, I write out the most important things I need to accomplish for the day. What housekeeping task is the most important for the day? What chapters of my book review books or book club book do I need to finish? What are my goals for time/distance/etc... in regards to exercising?
So many times I come to the end of the day and wonder what in the world I did all day. Did I do anything or did I just run in circles? Now I have it right in front of me. I can see that the day wasn't wasted. When I'm stressing over not knowing what to do next to stay on track and keep everything balanced, I can see what I thought was essential and focus on those. Let's face it---in the whirlwind of a day it's easy to lose track. More opportunities come up and more things can easily be added to the list. However, before getting swept up in the moment, I know what was the most important to me last night or this morning. I can focus on those and add the others to the next day. Balance and simplicity---the keys to making sure we are moving along with purpose.
It's also working great for those things that I don't want to necessarily do, but KNOW I have to do. Number one on that list is absolutely exercise. I HATE it when I'm just thinking about it. I do NOT want to step on the treadmill. I LOVE it after I get going, but just getting started is my huge weakness. Seeing it on my list and knowing it HAS to be done at some point, is making it so much easier. I don't just write "exercise". I write what my specific goal is for the day. It may be a calorie burn, a distance covered, an amount of time I want to run (I'm focusing on slowly switching from walking to running now that my joints are improving in regards to lupus), or just an amount of time. It's all about accountability. I see "that" on my list and I get it done. It's a priority. I'm finding that it's easier to get it done because I don't like it sitting there looking at me on my post-it note. Taunting me. Beckoning me. Get it done, and I'm released from the torture. :)
It's about another attempt to simplify. It's about another way to live on purpose and maintain balance. Besides that, who doesn't like to see things marked off? It's a feeling of accomplishment when many days that in itself is something worth celebrating. It's an easy way to keep check of what is getting done and what isn't. It's something to hold onto at the end of the day when I've been spinning in circles, the house is a wreck AGAIN even though I picked it up and scrubbed it two hours earlier, and it's an instruction sheet of how to break big tasks down into small ones and make progress! My post-its and lists may not "look" organized and they may not be as "pretty" as some of my other "techy" lists----but they are working. That is what matters. Gotta run....thought of something else to add to my list for tomorrow. :)
Simple means----lists and LOTS of post-it notes! It means that first thing every morning or the last thing before going to bed, I write out the most important things I need to accomplish for the day. What housekeeping task is the most important for the day? What chapters of my book review books or book club book do I need to finish? What are my goals for time/distance/etc... in regards to exercising?
It's also working great for those things that I don't want to necessarily do, but KNOW I have to do. Number one on that list is absolutely exercise. I HATE it when I'm just thinking about it. I do NOT want to step on the treadmill. I LOVE it after I get going, but just getting started is my huge weakness. Seeing it on my list and knowing it HAS to be done at some point, is making it so much easier. I don't just write "exercise". I write what my specific goal is for the day. It may be a calorie burn, a distance covered, an amount of time I want to run (I'm focusing on slowly switching from walking to running now that my joints are improving in regards to lupus), or just an amount of time. It's all about accountability. I see "that" on my list and I get it done. It's a priority. I'm finding that it's easier to get it done because I don't like it sitting there looking at me on my post-it note. Taunting me. Beckoning me. Get it done, and I'm released from the torture. :)
It's about another attempt to simplify. It's about another way to live on purpose and maintain balance. Besides that, who doesn't like to see things marked off? It's a feeling of accomplishment when many days that in itself is something worth celebrating. It's an easy way to keep check of what is getting done and what isn't. It's something to hold onto at the end of the day when I've been spinning in circles, the house is a wreck AGAIN even though I picked it up and scrubbed it two hours earlier, and it's an instruction sheet of how to break big tasks down into small ones and make progress! My post-its and lists may not "look" organized and they may not be as "pretty" as some of my other "techy" lists----but they are working. That is what matters. Gotta run....thought of something else to add to my list for tomorrow. :)
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
School's Out---Now What?
I've had several people ask me what in the world I'm going to do with myself now that school is out. NOW that I have all of that EXTRA time on my hands. Can't help but smile and laugh at that statement! There really isn't such a thing as summer break when you are a homeschooling, stay-at-home mom. School may have ended on Friday, but as soon as Monday rolled back around I was back "at" it.
Summer is about enjoying things and have some down time. We will have plenty of that, but the learning and preparing never stops. I still have the same responsibilities this week as I did last week. Just because "school" is out....they don't stop! As a matter of fact, for some reason I feel more rushed and pulled in many directions. Guess what? I LOVE it! I love the fact that learning never stops. I love the fact that just because we officially put away the "normal" books (or computer program in Adriana's case) we don't just stop everything. The kids DO have much more time to enjoy being kids, but for this mom....breaks don't really happen. That's ok. I wouldn't have it any other way. Summer is all about PLANNING for the next year. It's about stopping to see what worked really well, what was alright, and what flopped. It's about looking DEEPLY at weaknesses and strengths and searching for ways to develop BOTH. It's about finding inspiration. It's about recharging batteries. It's about organizing, reorganizing, and then organizing some more. The end of the school year starts the beginning of the new year. Researching curriculum and making choices dominate thoughts. Planning the budget to cover the costs is crucial. Preparing a budget to allow for extra summer activities which leads to menu planning to make sure we stay on track. It's an ongoing cycle. I feel like I live life as the character of "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie". One thing leads to another and they are all dependent on each other. Can't afford to drop one ball because they will all crash.
Organizing? Did I mention organizing? That is a HUGE part of summer for me. I need the clearing out of the clutter that happens during the normal school year to prepare for another one. Each year gets more complicated and requires even more simplicity. This year I will be fully teaching three different grades----not just playing "school" with Bradlee. Kindergarten, High School, and 4th grade! Wow----where did the time go? In addition, I'm also blessed beyond words to be providing childcare for a very special little one. Our hearts have been preparing for this new adventure for months! As daunting of a task as it all seems at times, I truly CANNOT wait. I may be overly stressed right now in preparing and planning, but I consider it a blessing. I may be pulling my hair out and second guessing every choice I make. I may be swimming in a sea of busy bags, workboxes, and every type of hands on manipulative as I prepare for Bradlee's "real" school. It's all WORTH it! It's worth it every time I see my kids learning something! Knowing that by the time this year ends we will have jumped in with both feet trusting God is priceless. Along for the joyful ride will be a precious little one that we can't wait to arrive!
Yes, we will be spending LOTS of time playing this summer. You will find us at Sholem on the water slides (ok....I will be on the lazy river!) more days than not, beginning next week. The boys will be tracking in dirt, rocks, and bugs on a daily basis. I vacuum twice a day most days and my carpet still is atrocious----BOYS!!!! Popsicles and sunscreen will be a daily staple. Park visits and camps are a must. Reading clubs and reading, reading, and more reading for all of us (except maybe Kevin!) Summer will be fun and laughter will be abundant. Short family vacations will sneak their way in and be celebrated and appreciated. Camping trips will highlight our family time together. Date nights with Kevin will be a priority (especially trips to our favorite spots on campus now that the majority of students are gone!) Summer is priceless.
Summer is most especially my life-line. Summer is when I have a bit more time to put myself back on the list. It's when I can focus EXTENSIVELY on my own needs. I'm already back exercising (slow start, but moving forward every day!) and making better food choices. FINALLY starting to see slight results! It's when I get to spend a bit of time doing things I enjoy----most especially scrapbooking and now sewing.
Most importantly it's when I get to work on "me" emotionally and spiritually. Sure, it happens all year long, but summer is when I can take more time and not feel so guilty about it. It's when God and I can spend a little more time with a little less chaos going on. He doesn't have to work so hard for me to be able to hear Him. It's when I get most excited about Him doing BIG works in my heart. He doesn't have to compete as much for my focus!
So far, things are shaping up to be a "fruitful" summer in regards for opportunities to serve and grow in Christ. I'm a bit overwhelmed right now getting it all organized and balanced, but I'm more than thrilled with everything involved.
Summer is about enjoying things and have some down time. We will have plenty of that, but the learning and preparing never stops. I still have the same responsibilities this week as I did last week. Just because "school" is out....they don't stop! As a matter of fact, for some reason I feel more rushed and pulled in many directions. Guess what? I LOVE it! I love the fact that learning never stops. I love the fact that just because we officially put away the "normal" books (or computer program in Adriana's case) we don't just stop everything. The kids DO have much more time to enjoy being kids, but for this mom....breaks don't really happen. That's ok. I wouldn't have it any other way. Summer is all about PLANNING for the next year. It's about stopping to see what worked really well, what was alright, and what flopped. It's about looking DEEPLY at weaknesses and strengths and searching for ways to develop BOTH. It's about finding inspiration. It's about recharging batteries. It's about organizing, reorganizing, and then organizing some more. The end of the school year starts the beginning of the new year. Researching curriculum and making choices dominate thoughts. Planning the budget to cover the costs is crucial. Preparing a budget to allow for extra summer activities which leads to menu planning to make sure we stay on track. It's an ongoing cycle. I feel like I live life as the character of "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie". One thing leads to another and they are all dependent on each other. Can't afford to drop one ball because they will all crash.
Organizing? Did I mention organizing? That is a HUGE part of summer for me. I need the clearing out of the clutter that happens during the normal school year to prepare for another one. Each year gets more complicated and requires even more simplicity. This year I will be fully teaching three different grades----not just playing "school" with Bradlee. Kindergarten, High School, and 4th grade! Wow----where did the time go? In addition, I'm also blessed beyond words to be providing childcare for a very special little one. Our hearts have been preparing for this new adventure for months! As daunting of a task as it all seems at times, I truly CANNOT wait. I may be overly stressed right now in preparing and planning, but I consider it a blessing. I may be pulling my hair out and second guessing every choice I make. I may be swimming in a sea of busy bags, workboxes, and every type of hands on manipulative as I prepare for Bradlee's "real" school. It's all WORTH it! It's worth it every time I see my kids learning something! Knowing that by the time this year ends we will have jumped in with both feet trusting God is priceless. Along for the joyful ride will be a precious little one that we can't wait to arrive!
Yes, we will be spending LOTS of time playing this summer. You will find us at Sholem on the water slides (ok....I will be on the lazy river!) more days than not, beginning next week. The boys will be tracking in dirt, rocks, and bugs on a daily basis. I vacuum twice a day most days and my carpet still is atrocious----BOYS!!!! Popsicles and sunscreen will be a daily staple. Park visits and camps are a must. Reading clubs and reading, reading, and more reading for all of us (except maybe Kevin!) Summer will be fun and laughter will be abundant. Short family vacations will sneak their way in and be celebrated and appreciated. Camping trips will highlight our family time together. Date nights with Kevin will be a priority (especially trips to our favorite spots on campus now that the majority of students are gone!) Summer is priceless.
Summer is most especially my life-line. Summer is when I have a bit more time to put myself back on the list. It's when I can focus EXTENSIVELY on my own needs. I'm already back exercising (slow start, but moving forward every day!) and making better food choices. FINALLY starting to see slight results! It's when I get to spend a bit of time doing things I enjoy----most especially scrapbooking and now sewing.
Most importantly it's when I get to work on "me" emotionally and spiritually. Sure, it happens all year long, but summer is when I can take more time and not feel so guilty about it. It's when God and I can spend a little more time with a little less chaos going on. He doesn't have to work so hard for me to be able to hear Him. It's when I get most excited about Him doing BIG works in my heart. He doesn't have to compete as much for my focus!
So far, things are shaping up to be a "fruitful" summer in regards for opportunities to serve and grow in Christ. I'm a bit overwhelmed right now getting it all organized and balanced, but I'm more than thrilled with everything involved.
- VBS---volunteering in director capacity with a super amazing friend again this year as we head up Treetop Treats. VBS at such a large church takes MANY hours of prep, but we love every second of it. Being involved last year is what really gave me the opportunity to form some really bonding friendships. This year is more involved for us because we have decided to go "all in" with decorating. Lots of hours of prep work ahead, but we will be smiling and laughing the whole way. I'm sure we will run into obstacles like always, but God has always worked out all of the kinks (even if we have had to re-color our hair to cover the grays when it's over with!)
- Sunday school---this week is promotion Sunday so we will get a whole new group of littles! I can't wait to meet our new sweet faces and spend the next year loving them and teaching them about how much Jesus loves them!
- Dresses---back at the first of the year when I decided to STOP being intimidated by the sewing machine, I never dreamed how much it would soothe my heart to sew. I made my first dresses and gave them to our granddaughters. Little did I know what kind of chain reaction that would start. A sweet friend that Adriana and I are loving getting to know is leading a group of college students on a mission trip to Ghana. I told her I would make a "COUPLE" of dresses for her to take. That "couple" has grown tremendously. I knew that God was calling me to not just "half-way" participate. At last count, between what is already completed and what I have cut out but not sewn, I will be able to send well over 50 dresses. THIS is my huge ongoing summer project this year.
- SHMILY (30 days of Prayer for Husbands)---this is the 3rd year I've participated and I'm VERY excited to see what God has in store for us. Because of the amazing growth we've been experiencing together, I can hardly sit still waiting to see how God will use us during this time. Women all around the world are joining in and spending the month of June praying specifically for our husbands. We follow along with Stormie Omartian's book: The Power of a Praying Wife. You can also follow along here to read Amy's blogs that go along with each day. They have always been powerful and thought-provoking.
- Blogging for Books---I'm still reviewing books for WaterBrook Multnomah Publishers. I am currently reading "Love & War: Finding Your Way to Something Beautiful in Your Marriage" by John & Stasi Eldredge. So far, the book has been AMAZING! As soon as I finish this one, I will dive right into whatever they offer me next.
- Bible in 90 Days Challenge---Having completed the challenge twice now has left me wanting more. I've been wanting to go even deeper. I've told several people how this challenge was the number one help in getting me through the earliest stages of Dad's death. It changed me immensely. Beginning July 11th, the next round will begin and you can sign up to participate at http://www.momstoolbox.com/blog/. This time instead of just reading, I will be serving as a mentor/group leader. I am VERY much looking forward to "meeting" a new group of women that I would never meet in my normal life. I LOVE the community that blogging and the "online world" provides. I'm already praying for these women. I don't know who will be placed in my group at this point, but God already knows! I don't know what obstacles they will face or what is going on in their lives, but God knows and He is already preparing my heart for them.
- Online Bible Study Group---I'm joining in with the Good Morning Girls Bible study and summer reading club. http://www.goodmorninggirls.org/ I received my book today and I can't tell you how excited I am to get started. I'm about a week behind the other ladies, but I will catch up quickly. Their comments from the previous few days has me on overdrive! I can't want to dive in. The book is "The Ministry of Motherhood: Following Christ's Example in Reaching the Hearts of Our Children" by Sally Clarkson. Just the first TWO sentences on the back cover have already grasped my heart. "Because Motherhood Isn't Just a Job. It's a Calling." Oh how I need to be constantly reminded of those words. Nothing hurts a mother's heart more than to be told we are wasting our time or gifts or that our ministry doesn't matter. I look forward to having my cup filled again and those wet-blanket voices silenced.
- Other Reading: I read 4-5 novels a week for "fun" during the summer. It's what I enjoy that provides relaxation at the end of the day, most especially now that we don't have traditional TV or cable and have a "technology curfew" that we try to uphold. On top of that reading and the other books I've already mentioned, I'm still working through Crazy Love, Radical, Praying for Purpose for Women, REAL Moms...Real Jesus, Growing Grateful Kids, The Well Trained Mind, The Well-Versed Family, and The Busy Homeschool Guide to Romance (balancing roles of mother, teacher, and wife!). Yes, this summer is going to be AMAZING!!!!!!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Love Worth Fighting For Part 3 (Conclusion)
This is my last post in the series based on "Love Worth Fighting For" (at least I think so....but no promises!). This is "my take" on the final speaking portion of the event. Kirk Cameron did an AMAZING job presenting ONE verse of scripture. Sometimes I'm amazed when great speakers can speak on ONE verse for a significant amount of time and you not realize that so much time has gone by! I have read THIS verse MANY times and it takes no more than just a few seconds. I love when God has inspired people with the incredible skill of taking one verse and being able to dissect it and pull so much from it! That is exactly what Kirk did with 1 Peter 3:7.
"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." (King James----version that Kirk used).
"In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered." (NLT ---version that we are currently reading from).
Kirk basically took this verse and broke it down one word at a time, explaining the role of a husband in a Christ-centered marriage.
Though Kirk specifically spoke "man-to-man" to all of the men in the building, he still reached me. I don't know how all of the other women in the room felt. I can only speak for myself and what was going on in my heart. I admit that when he first started talking and instructing the men that I was going to be wanting to shout "amen", "preach it", "that's right!", "told you so!" or any of those other finger wagging, head nodding moments! Without a doubt he did hit on some areas that Kevin and I know that he needs to work on, but that is beside the point. What matters is what was going on in my heart. It didn't take very long for me to feel convicted in my own actions and heart matters.
For Kevin to be the God-designed husband he needs to be, I HAVE TO BE THE WOMAN OF GOD He designed me to be! It's not all on Kevin's shoulders. Yes, he is designed to be the spiritual leader of the home. However, failure can't be pointed directly at him when things are falling apart. (Neither can victory be celebrated alone!) You see, Kirk didn't point out the first 6 verses in that chapter and speak about them. He could have spoke hours about the needs of wives to live out Proverbs 31. Just as much as God requires of the men, he requires that of the women as well. We, as wives, have huge responsibilities as well!
Though there are plenty of verses telling us wives how to act, I have been thinking constantly about the verse he spoke from. It may have been instructions for the men, but I've been thinking about my responsibility in those instructions.
For Kevin to meet the needs of 1-5, so that prayers aren't hindered and our marriage is strong, I have responsibilities as well. I have to make our home a place he WANTS to dwell. I have to be worth WANTING to know. I have to be willing to SHARE the knowledge he needs to know about me. He isn't going to read my mind. I have to show respect to him and in all situations. I have to make him feel safe enough to be an open book with me. Protection is a two way street. Though I physically can't protect him, I can protect his heart. I can be HIS safe haven against the world. Let's face it----the world is a HARD place for Godly men to live in. They are bombarded every instant with declining values and immorality. I have the responsibility to make our home the place that he is most accepted, valued, and treasured. I constantly think about the saying that has sparked so much growth in our marriage: "A woman's heart should be so immersed in God that her husband has to seek Him first to find HER!"
The burden of responsibility of an extraordinary marriage doesn't fall directly on the shoulders of the husband. It's a team effort. He needs to be doing what God is asking of him and I need to be doing what God is asking of me. Together, focused on God, is where the marriage is beautiful. Two truly become one. Marriage becomes the beautiful blessing He ordained it to be. It doesn't come any other way.
Hard to do? Absolutely!
Worth it? Without a doubt.
Failures? Countless.
Give up? NEVER!
Love is worth fighting for.
Love IS worth fighting for.
LOVE is worth fighting for.
Love is worth FIGHTING for.
Love is WORTH fighting for.
"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." (King James----version that Kirk used).
"In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered." (NLT ---version that we are currently reading from).
Kirk basically took this verse and broke it down one word at a time, explaining the role of a husband in a Christ-centered marriage.
- Dwell with them---Spend time together. INVEST time in each other. Do LIFE TOGETHER. To be good at something, it takes practice...it TAKES TIME! A great marriage isn't contagious. You don't catch it from someone else. A great marriage comes about from doing life together. NOTHING is wrong with having separate hobbies, but they CAN NOT take precedence over marriage. You need to CRAVE time together more than you CRAVE time apart. Time together matters more than anything else on your "to-do" list of responsibilities.
- Knowledge---KNOW your spouse. Became a student of her. Learn everything you can know about her. Remember how you hung on to every word and action when you were dating because you JUST HAD to know all about her. Rekindle that same interest. Know what she likes. Know what she hates. Know what is meaningful to her. Know what fires her up----both in negative ways and good ways. Know when to approach her. Know her enough to know when she needs space and when she needs extra tenderness. Know what MEANS something to her. Remember that romance comes from sacrifice and thought----not from convenience. Your wife KNOWS the difference.
- Honor---Respect your wife. Show her how much you honor HER and your VOWS. Walk away from any and all forms of pornography. Don't watch movies that even show a hint of disrespect to your wife in the forms of nudity, sexual immorality, etc.... (He spoke about how the final kiss in Fireproof was with his WIFE done in shadow because it was honoring his vows to not even kiss another actress.) When the guys start telling jokes, demeaning women in any form, or start commenting lustfully about another woman----WALK AWAY! It is being honoring of your wife and respecting her to not take part in any such conversations. Treasure her! Treat her with respect publicly and privately.
- Weaker vessel---recognize that though she is weaker in regards to the human body, she is NOT intellectually weak! Protect her always. God wired your wife to feel safe under YOUR protection. Physically protect her. Emotionally protect her. If you travel away from home, make sure she knows that you have made safeguards for her in the forms of neighbors checking in, security system, phone calls, etc.... It's not just in the terms of physical protection. Protect her in the every day stuff. Manage your aggression in conflict. Make sure she is always safe with you. Safe to be herself and safe to share her innermost thoughts. Meet her with unconditional love and acceptance. Constantly be ready to ask your wife, "Do you feel save with me?" If she honestly answers no, then be willing to meet her needs of being the protection in the way she needs.
- Heirs together of the grace of life----you MUST open up. You can't be a closed book. To be heirs together, you have to intimately share ALL aspects of you. Your wife WANTS to know you. Your wife does care about what you are thinking.
- Prayers not be hindered---How many times have you felt like your prayers are "stuck", that God is not hearing you? Generally, the hindrance in praying is because you are missing something in parts 1-5. To be fruitful in praying, you have to be fulfilling the first parts of the verse.
Though Kirk specifically spoke "man-to-man" to all of the men in the building, he still reached me. I don't know how all of the other women in the room felt. I can only speak for myself and what was going on in my heart. I admit that when he first started talking and instructing the men that I was going to be wanting to shout "amen", "preach it", "that's right!", "told you so!" or any of those other finger wagging, head nodding moments! Without a doubt he did hit on some areas that Kevin and I know that he needs to work on, but that is beside the point. What matters is what was going on in my heart. It didn't take very long for me to feel convicted in my own actions and heart matters.
For Kevin to be the God-designed husband he needs to be, I HAVE TO BE THE WOMAN OF GOD He designed me to be! It's not all on Kevin's shoulders. Yes, he is designed to be the spiritual leader of the home. However, failure can't be pointed directly at him when things are falling apart. (Neither can victory be celebrated alone!) You see, Kirk didn't point out the first 6 verses in that chapter and speak about them. He could have spoke hours about the needs of wives to live out Proverbs 31. Just as much as God requires of the men, he requires that of the women as well. We, as wives, have huge responsibilities as well!
Though there are plenty of verses telling us wives how to act, I have been thinking constantly about the verse he spoke from. It may have been instructions for the men, but I've been thinking about my responsibility in those instructions.
For Kevin to meet the needs of 1-5, so that prayers aren't hindered and our marriage is strong, I have responsibilities as well. I have to make our home a place he WANTS to dwell. I have to be worth WANTING to know. I have to be willing to SHARE the knowledge he needs to know about me. He isn't going to read my mind. I have to show respect to him and in all situations. I have to make him feel safe enough to be an open book with me. Protection is a two way street. Though I physically can't protect him, I can protect his heart. I can be HIS safe haven against the world. Let's face it----the world is a HARD place for Godly men to live in. They are bombarded every instant with declining values and immorality. I have the responsibility to make our home the place that he is most accepted, valued, and treasured. I constantly think about the saying that has sparked so much growth in our marriage: "A woman's heart should be so immersed in God that her husband has to seek Him first to find HER!"
The burden of responsibility of an extraordinary marriage doesn't fall directly on the shoulders of the husband. It's a team effort. He needs to be doing what God is asking of him and I need to be doing what God is asking of me. Together, focused on God, is where the marriage is beautiful. Two truly become one. Marriage becomes the beautiful blessing He ordained it to be. It doesn't come any other way.
Hard to do? Absolutely!
Worth it? Without a doubt.
Failures? Countless.
Give up? NEVER!
Love is worth fighting for.
Love IS worth fighting for.
LOVE is worth fighting for.
Love is worth FIGHTING for.
Love is WORTH fighting for.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Love Worth Fighting For Part 2
The middle portion of last weekend's "Love Worth Fighting For" Marriage Event was presented by Warren Barfield. He touched us so deeply as he told the story behind his writing of the song sharing the same name as the event and the theme of Fireproof. He originally wrote the song for his wife Megan and it eventually was chosen to be part of Fireproof.
The background behind the song wasn't an easy story for him to tell, nor is it an easy song for him to sing. It tells the story of a very dark time in their lives. The song came about as his marriage fell apart. He tells the story of the pretzel. It basically is a prime example of how something very trivial, very small, and very insignificant can grow to be so large that it spirals so out of control that is destroys. What started out as a trivial incident quickly escalated to a broken marriage. A line was crossed where words couldn't be taken back and feelings couldn't be erased. Divorce was their "way out".
However, God intervened. Their marriage was restored and now a beautiful testimony of reconciliation and forgiveness. The song was written during the time of counseling and rebuilding. He sang it to his wife on the porch of her parents house. It was his way of telling her that she was worth fighting for. He was asking her if she still felt he was worth fighting for. The word are powerful.
Basically, he spoke about fighting. JUST KEEP FIGHTING. Love isn't a fight, but it's worth fighting for. As long as you are fighting, there is a victory possible. It's the leaving and giving up that destroys beyond repair. Sometimes in life the greater the battle is the greater the victory.
So many marriages are falling apart. Instead of fighting for each other, they just leave each other. Learning to fight FOR each other as much as you fight AGAINST each other eventually leads to a successful marriage.
I'm currently stunned with the number of marriages that are crumbling. It seems as if in the past few weeks, not a few days hasn't gone by that I haven't heard about someone leaving, wanting to leave, or finalizing a divorce. In many cases, those marriages could have been saved with the right tools and extreme commitment to "fight". My heart also breaks for those that want to fight and their partner is unwilling. My heart breaks for those that are suffering abuse and have NO choice but to seek refuge outside of the marriage. It's an epidemic and I'm searching. Searching for the right words to say to those that are breaking. Searching for how to best help the broken. Searching for ways to help others keep fighting because they have marriages worth fighting for. I love the part about "if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door!"
Let's face it, many of us have had times that leaving would have been the easiest option. I'm thankful for those times that Kevin and I kept fighting. It was worth it. It felt impossible to overcome at the time and the pain was unspeakable. The rewards of the not giving up are unmeasurable. The beauty of our God centered marriage today is the result of NEVER giving up. Love can't keep a record of wrongs or it will destroy yourselves and your marriage. It is HARD to not keep those "lists", but is necessary!!
Lyrics (and oh my....they are so moving!)
The background behind the song wasn't an easy story for him to tell, nor is it an easy song for him to sing. It tells the story of a very dark time in their lives. The song came about as his marriage fell apart. He tells the story of the pretzel. It basically is a prime example of how something very trivial, very small, and very insignificant can grow to be so large that it spirals so out of control that is destroys. What started out as a trivial incident quickly escalated to a broken marriage. A line was crossed where words couldn't be taken back and feelings couldn't be erased. Divorce was their "way out".
However, God intervened. Their marriage was restored and now a beautiful testimony of reconciliation and forgiveness. The song was written during the time of counseling and rebuilding. He sang it to his wife on the porch of her parents house. It was his way of telling her that she was worth fighting for. He was asking her if she still felt he was worth fighting for. The word are powerful.
Basically, he spoke about fighting. JUST KEEP FIGHTING. Love isn't a fight, but it's worth fighting for. As long as you are fighting, there is a victory possible. It's the leaving and giving up that destroys beyond repair. Sometimes in life the greater the battle is the greater the victory.
So many marriages are falling apart. Instead of fighting for each other, they just leave each other. Learning to fight FOR each other as much as you fight AGAINST each other eventually leads to a successful marriage.
I'm currently stunned with the number of marriages that are crumbling. It seems as if in the past few weeks, not a few days hasn't gone by that I haven't heard about someone leaving, wanting to leave, or finalizing a divorce. In many cases, those marriages could have been saved with the right tools and extreme commitment to "fight". My heart also breaks for those that want to fight and their partner is unwilling. My heart breaks for those that are suffering abuse and have NO choice but to seek refuge outside of the marriage. It's an epidemic and I'm searching. Searching for the right words to say to those that are breaking. Searching for how to best help the broken. Searching for ways to help others keep fighting because they have marriages worth fighting for. I love the part about "if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door!"
Let's face it, many of us have had times that leaving would have been the easiest option. I'm thankful for those times that Kevin and I kept fighting. It was worth it. It felt impossible to overcome at the time and the pain was unspeakable. The rewards of the not giving up are unmeasurable. The beauty of our God centered marriage today is the result of NEVER giving up. Love can't keep a record of wrongs or it will destroy yourselves and your marriage. It is HARD to not keep those "lists", but is necessary!!
Lyrics (and oh my....they are so moving!)
Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
Then commit to never leave
So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees
Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do
Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
But demand we give our all
Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for
On a side note: Warren previewed a new song and it was amazing. I can't wait until it is in the main stream Christian radio world. It talks about how we can get stuck in praying, but not DOING mode. It was about how sometimes we have to step out in faith. "Praying, not doing. Not living your life is spending your time waiting for the right time." I've been thinking so much lately about how often that happens in my life. How many opportunities have I missed because I was waiting for a situation to be "perfect" before acting? Sometimes God just needs us to MOVE IN FAITH and allow Him to do the rest!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Fireproofing YOUR Marriage!
Here we go: two blogs in two days! Apparently being forced to be still while trying to recover from hurting my back has allowed my brain cells to flow again. Feeling MUCH better today! Seems like maybe that forced "rest" has benefited more than just my physical well being.
Saturday night at Love Worth Fighting For, Kirk Cameron delivered two different sermons on marriage. He left no room for doubt that he was a sold out man of God. He started the night off with his humorous side and did the run down of his time on Growing Pains. He quickly got the star struck fever out of the way and got down to the HEART of the matter.
The first talk with based on the truths presented in Fireproof. Watching that movie was a turning point in taking our marriage from the path of destruction to the success that it is now. Though our "issues" didn't include pornography, the movie still taught us so many lessons about fighting for marriage by transforming our relationships with Christ FIRST!
Kirk spoke about the things Caleb (his character) and Catherine were battling and where the breakdown of their marriage was coming from. He specifically talked about why Caleb's original attempt at doing the Love Dare failed because his heart hadn't changed.
Specifically, Kirk described 3 keys to making every marriage fireproof. Granted, I admit what he had to say wasn't "new". There weren't bells and whistles and promises of quick fixes. However, what he did do was fire us up as Christians. THAT is the TRUE key to marriage----being sold out for Christ!
Key 1: "The heart of my problem is the problem of my heart!" He spent a significant time explaining that marriage is impossible without God as the center. Attending church isn't good enough. Believing in Christ isn't enough. You have to be completely sold out and have the Holy Spirit living inside of you. We are incapable of real love without the indwelling of the spirit. Our heart is naturally deceitful and selfish (which is why we can't always operate according to our feelings). Only God can clean our hearts and open them up in the right capacity that allows us to truly love someone else. The "Love Dare" only began to work for Caleb once his heart had been transformed by allowing Christ to take hold of him. The beginning attempts of "winning his wife" back were fruitless because his heart was still the same.
Key 2: You can only change yourself, NO ONE else! ---- isn't that the truth! Anyone that has been married any amount of years should already know that changing your spouse is pretty much impossible. I think finally learning THAT truth is what transformed my own marriage. I can't change the things I don't like about Kevin or the things that drive me crazy. My responsibility is to control how I react. I can lovingly influence him by my actions, but that change comes from him. It's also true to the opposite! Our prayer should never be "change my spouse". It should always be "change me". I should start the day praying "God, give my husband a new wife and let it be me!". The most remarkable statement he made during this part is how he talked about change comes from God because HE RESERVES THAT PRIVILEGE! Change will come when you are welcoming the Holy Spirit to guide you together. He WILL bring about the change needed because He is directing both of your hearts closer together. I think this is what WE are currently experiencing and WHY our own marriage is become stronger every single day!
Key 3: You ABSOLUTELY must have a plan to wage war against sin!!!! This is the one that I think spoke to me the most. I "knew" the other two because we had learned those the hard way. It was just encouraging to hear them and inspire us to keep at it. Number 3 was "new". Granted, I know we have to flee from sin and guard our hearts and marriage. I just had never thought about having an actual plan. That is something I hope that Kevin and I are able to think about and come up with. Sin is abundant and it has ONE result. Destruction. If we don't wage literal war against it, it WILL destroy our marriages and our families.
The first thing that must happen is that we have to rid evil in our own hearts FIRST or it will destroy what is precious to us. We are blocking the blessings of God when we allow our hearts to be full of sin. First: confess. Second: Identify the sin and wage war against it. Pray for God to reveal stumbling blocks and then allow Him to rid it in your life. Third: Replace that "bad" with good! Transfer your desires to something wonderful and beautiful . FUEL THAT FIRE so that is consumes everything else. Caleb's battle was with pornography in Fireproof. Once his heart had been changed HE WAS STILL tempted! Temptation doesn't go away, no matter what your sin is. He had to physically remove that temptation and replace it with something beautiful. He literally destroyed the computer that was the source of his addiction and put in it's place gorgeous flowers to remind him that his wife mattered to him more. He sought out an accountability partner to make sure he stayed on track.
It all comes down to the fact that an excellent marriage is determined by YOUR OWN HEART, not by what your spouse does or doesn't do for you. I think marriage is about loving Christ so much that it flows through you, TEACHING you how to truly love and be loved by another person. Marriage is about two becoming one. God designed it that way. IF you are focusing so greatly on being more Christ-like, then it will naturally spill over into your marriage. It will become less about meeting YOUR needs, but more about meeting the needs of your SPOUSE. The amazing thing that happens is that in that process you end up drawing so close together that your own needs consequently get met. It's amazing like that. That is when it becomes of God's design. That's when it moves to extraordinary!
Saturday night at Love Worth Fighting For, Kirk Cameron delivered two different sermons on marriage. He left no room for doubt that he was a sold out man of God. He started the night off with his humorous side and did the run down of his time on Growing Pains. He quickly got the star struck fever out of the way and got down to the HEART of the matter.
The first talk with based on the truths presented in Fireproof. Watching that movie was a turning point in taking our marriage from the path of destruction to the success that it is now. Though our "issues" didn't include pornography, the movie still taught us so many lessons about fighting for marriage by transforming our relationships with Christ FIRST!
Kirk spoke about the things Caleb (his character) and Catherine were battling and where the breakdown of their marriage was coming from. He specifically talked about why Caleb's original attempt at doing the Love Dare failed because his heart hadn't changed.
Specifically, Kirk described 3 keys to making every marriage fireproof. Granted, I admit what he had to say wasn't "new". There weren't bells and whistles and promises of quick fixes. However, what he did do was fire us up as Christians. THAT is the TRUE key to marriage----being sold out for Christ!
Key 1: "The heart of my problem is the problem of my heart!" He spent a significant time explaining that marriage is impossible without God as the center. Attending church isn't good enough. Believing in Christ isn't enough. You have to be completely sold out and have the Holy Spirit living inside of you. We are incapable of real love without the indwelling of the spirit. Our heart is naturally deceitful and selfish (which is why we can't always operate according to our feelings). Only God can clean our hearts and open them up in the right capacity that allows us to truly love someone else. The "Love Dare" only began to work for Caleb once his heart had been transformed by allowing Christ to take hold of him. The beginning attempts of "winning his wife" back were fruitless because his heart was still the same.
Key 2: You can only change yourself, NO ONE else! ---- isn't that the truth! Anyone that has been married any amount of years should already know that changing your spouse is pretty much impossible. I think finally learning THAT truth is what transformed my own marriage. I can't change the things I don't like about Kevin or the things that drive me crazy. My responsibility is to control how I react. I can lovingly influence him by my actions, but that change comes from him. It's also true to the opposite! Our prayer should never be "change my spouse". It should always be "change me". I should start the day praying "God, give my husband a new wife and let it be me!". The most remarkable statement he made during this part is how he talked about change comes from God because HE RESERVES THAT PRIVILEGE! Change will come when you are welcoming the Holy Spirit to guide you together. He WILL bring about the change needed because He is directing both of your hearts closer together. I think this is what WE are currently experiencing and WHY our own marriage is become stronger every single day!
Key 3: You ABSOLUTELY must have a plan to wage war against sin!!!! This is the one that I think spoke to me the most. I "knew" the other two because we had learned those the hard way. It was just encouraging to hear them and inspire us to keep at it. Number 3 was "new". Granted, I know we have to flee from sin and guard our hearts and marriage. I just had never thought about having an actual plan. That is something I hope that Kevin and I are able to think about and come up with. Sin is abundant and it has ONE result. Destruction. If we don't wage literal war against it, it WILL destroy our marriages and our families.
The first thing that must happen is that we have to rid evil in our own hearts FIRST or it will destroy what is precious to us. We are blocking the blessings of God when we allow our hearts to be full of sin. First: confess. Second: Identify the sin and wage war against it. Pray for God to reveal stumbling blocks and then allow Him to rid it in your life. Third: Replace that "bad" with good! Transfer your desires to something wonderful and beautiful . FUEL THAT FIRE so that is consumes everything else. Caleb's battle was with pornography in Fireproof. Once his heart had been changed HE WAS STILL tempted! Temptation doesn't go away, no matter what your sin is. He had to physically remove that temptation and replace it with something beautiful. He literally destroyed the computer that was the source of his addiction and put in it's place gorgeous flowers to remind him that his wife mattered to him more. He sought out an accountability partner to make sure he stayed on track.
It all comes down to the fact that an excellent marriage is determined by YOUR OWN HEART, not by what your spouse does or doesn't do for you. I think marriage is about loving Christ so much that it flows through you, TEACHING you how to truly love and be loved by another person. Marriage is about two becoming one. God designed it that way. IF you are focusing so greatly on being more Christ-like, then it will naturally spill over into your marriage. It will become less about meeting YOUR needs, but more about meeting the needs of your SPOUSE. The amazing thing that happens is that in that process you end up drawing so close together that your own needs consequently get met. It's amazing like that. That is when it becomes of God's design. That's when it moves to extraordinary!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Weeks in Review....a bit closer to HIS plans.
Hard to believe that for someone who LOVES blogging so much that it has been over two weeks again since I've let the words flow! Time has had a way of just slipping past us in the last several weeks. Week(s) in review:
- Mother's Day came and went. Though I have such mixed feelings about this particular holiday (previous post), I loved celebrating it with my three amazing gifts from God and my priceless husband. They truly made it a day to remember. Actually, they made the entire weekend special.
- Our daughter turned 14 and my heart skipped a few beats. I could write about all the things she is and all the things she is becoming, but I would become a basket case. Her heart for serving is so great and the love of Christ just emanates from her. She is a treasure!
- Had the pleasure of my husband planning and surprising me with a date night. We are being blessed with more and more snippets of time to just be a couple and make our marriage thrive beyond our greatest expectations, but I tend to typically have to plan those times. It was priceless to have him take the lead on that, arrange childcare, and completely take me by surprise. It showed me how much HE values that time together and also how he has my best interest at heart. He knew I was struggling with some issues that were weighing heavily on me and that the best thing for me was to just step away with him for a couple of hours. Uninterrupted conversation with him tends to just soothe so many hurts and brings such a focus and calm to handling so many situations.
- Went home for the first time without Dad being there. This "first" had me physically sick for weeks just trying to emotionally process so much of that. Thanks to some amazing, encouraging friends that spent time covering me in prayer and a supportive husband, that "first" came and went with my sanity still intact. It was difficult to say the least, but I found the same calm that the Holy Spirit provided through those other impossible moments flooding my heart again. Getting to spend time with Teresa and focus on THAT crucial relationship was a soothing balm to my heart.
- Our trip home also allowed us the great joy of seeing Kevin's younger adult son, wife, and their precious daughters. Finally getting to TOUCH our granddaughters instead of just oooohhhh-ing and ahhhh-ing through pictures was amazing. It was fantastic to see their little family together! We love them so dearly despite how far the distance is between us physically. Of course, getting to see other family was great as well.
- We saw the "date" come and go of the timing that our child would have been born had God not had other plans in regards to our pregnancy not being able to progress past the beginning weeks. My arms were empty on that day, but my heart is still full knowing that God has a different plan and I just have to be confident to wait on His reasons/timing/direction.
- I finally did something that shocked those around me. Something I should have been brave enough to do years ago. I went cold turkey and quit drinking sodas of ALL types-----my addiction to diet coke had to go! Tomorrow marks 4 FULL weeks with nothing except water and I will NEVER go back. I may have one on a rare occasion, but for now I don't know when that will be. For the first time in 13 years, I have had full use of my hands and wrists without any pain. There have been countless other benefits (weight loss has unfortunately not made that list yet!), but the biggest has been the "victory". For someone who has planned her entire day around getting her "polar pops" and has literally been as addicted as people are to cigarettes, it was HUGE to have broken free. God had been laying it on my heart for a VERY long time. I NEEDED to be turning to HIM FIRST----and not my other cravings. Though it was a VERY big physical issue, it was greatly an issue of surrendering another part of me to HIM! Stepping from disobedience into obedience of His leading has been remarkable. I originally intended to reduce to one a day, but after that first day I knew that it was more about my "will" and doing what God was directing.
- Our 9th year of homeschooling is beginning to rapidly wind down. I don't have our "end" date set because we have so many things going on right now that are requiring flexibility. At last count, we had dropped down to less than 30 total lessons to finish middle school. To know that next year we will be entering Kindergarten AND High School makes this mom's heart ache a bit! Though I plan to do some specific educational enrichment throughout the summer and will continue Bradlee's workboxes more days than not, the bulk is about to wrap up! Yippee!!!!
- I found a new passion and it is growing EVERY day. I finally pulled out the sewing machine and fought my fears and feeling of intimidation. I discovered that I have a bit more of Teresa in me than I originally thought. I love it! Most specifically right now, I'm loving how God is able to use that "me" time to do something for someone else. My heart hurts so often to know that our dream of adopting can't happen because of my medical exclusion. I ache for the orphan. I can't change their lives the way I envisioned. However, my new passion is allowing me to STILL do something. I'm currently sewing dresses for girls in Ghana. "My" original plan was to hopefully make 2-3. God ripped that plan apart and put it on a grander scale! I don't know the final count or what to expect, but it looks like when our friends leave for their mission trip I will have somewhere near 50 to send. To me it has been less about the actual sewing (after all, my stitch work leaves MUCH room for improvement) and more about the connection I feel when I'm doing it. Nothing heals a breaking heart more than looking outside of yourself. Change of focus=healing heart! I also love that part of the process is connecting me to the past. Many of the dresses have been pieced together from fabric that has been saved for years. Lace from dresses Kevin's mother made Adriana. Lace and fabric that was used to make dresses for ME through MANY different life points. Though many of them have been made of materials recently purchased, it is those that have another connection that mean the most.
- Took some dings to the heart with some difficult situations we are facing, but I'm choosing to believe that God is in control. Many days I throw my hands up and literally want to scream at God and tell him to STOP trusting us with more difficulty. I don't believe my heart can handle much more. Then He reveals himself and reminds me of HIS power! He DEFINITELY has proven that His timing is perfect even when it doesn't feel that way. The reminder came from a completely unrelated situation, but it still spoke to my heart. WAIT and BELIEVE!!!! Our reminder came in the form of an innocent baby that needed a home and in a set of circumstances that could ONLY HAVE BEEN ORDAINED BY GOD. Witnessing a dear friend of ours become LITERALLY an instant Mom with ZERO time to prepare and how God has made EVERYTHING unfold-----priceless. Faith restored! It's unfathomable to wonder why we still tend to doubt God because He constantly proves His power!
- Celebrated the upcoming arrival of another precious child that will also change the world. We get more excited to see her every single day. Watching the wonder and joy that radiates from her mommy's face as she waits has just touched me profoundly. Knowing that her parents are entrusting her to us as her childcare provider is humbling and amazing. God is changing me and molding me through this amazing gift.
- God also has been speaking to me about giving up another craving in some capacity. Facebook. Addict. That's me. It has been the most amazing gift of restoring priceless friendships, served as a ministry at many times, and has connected me to other Christian women and mothers in a great accountability mode. It's kept our families connected to our children (at least to those who value that connection) and allowed us to connect to extended families. I've grown incredibly close to family members that I would have never really known. It's beyond amazing to have that connection. Life has changed for the better. On the flip side, it's caused great distress. Constantly being connected, constantly being bombarded with friends that are turning their backs on God or living their lives with total disregard to His commands. With my heart being so tender for children it has just become overwhelming with heartbreak and concern. "That" personality trait is beneficial at times, but others it just breaks me too much. So, to take our technology "curfew" to another level I have deleted almost 200 friends to simplify and "calm". Though I know each and every one of them and they all have been part of my life, I needed to step back awhile. In the past, my facebook page was open ANY time the computer was turned on. Though I may have been working on something else, it was still open with it's automatic updates. Now, I don't leave it open. I am only "on" when I specifically sit down for that purpose. It's working as a good compromise. I'm still able to maintain my vital connections, but yet in a much more appropriate manner. If God says "give up" more, then I will be willing to do so....but for now, I think we are both pleased and moving in the right direction.
- 607 (our mid-week program at church) has come to an end for the semester. We wrapped up the semester with a store night where the kids were able to spend their "bucks" earned from attendance and memory work. I was so proud of them! Our last night was spent with 3B---bikes, blades, and boards. The parking lot became a madhouse of kids zooming & zipping all around us. Between their joy and the popsicles dripping down their faces, it was such a fun night. We will miss our kids over the summer (especially since we've spent 2 years with the same kids)----but come September we will be fired back up to spend time with them again!
- PMO (Parent's Morning Out) also wrapped up this week and will start back again in September. I treasure those 2.5 hours 3 times a month. Spending that ME time was very awkward at first, but eventually it became a life line that made me a better mom. It's a priceless treasure that I'm most grateful for. No cost involved----volunteer hours "pay" for it. Not only did I love MY time, I also LOVED my volunteer time. Nothing EVER soothes my heart as much as holding and rocking a baby. I definitely passed on that baby love to Adriana----Miss Baby Whisperer! It has also been a great year for spiritual growth in our children. It went FAR beyond babysitting services. Bradlee gained so much Biblical knowledge this year that I was practically left speechless at times!
- Made a made dash to the ER with a neighbor. She showed up at our door not wanting to be alone because she wasn't feeling well. Over the course of a few minutes, she wasn't herself in the least and was having pain in her left arm and shoulder. Took off to take her to her doctor close-by and enroute they sent me to the ER. Bradlee and I spent the morning doing school work in the ER waiting room while the big kids did their's at home. Fortunately, God was with her and everything worked out for her. My heart aches for her because she is "alone" and God used that time to make me remember what it feels like to be alone and need help. On a side note, I now KNOW the fastest route to both hospitals should I ever need to make that trip again!!!!! We've lived here for almost 4 years and we've only made that trip once!
- Kevin and I were blessed to attend a remarkable marriage seminar last night with Kirk Cameron (Mike from Growing Pains, Fireproof). It was amazing! I'm still soaking in so much we heard and I'm certain more blog posts will follow because what God said through Him was fantastic. Kev & I have always wanted to spend time on these type events but money, time, child-care, responsibilities just never allowed it. We are thankful that it ALL fell into place and allowed us this time together. Our marriage has entered a stage that leaves us speechless. We are more in love, more connected, and more on track than we have ever been. Events like last night are icing on the cake. They are giving us the tools that will help us take it to an even greater level. We are beginning to see what a gift God has given us with a marriage centered in Him. The treasure of beginning to walk deeper together along His plan is priceless. We've seen the dark, broken days and are amazed of the beauty that comes from moving beyond surviving to thriving and growing together. We have LISTS of issues to work through EVERY day, but knowing that progress is being made-----well, nothing else compares. We are still waiting on Him to reveal His bigger plan and we do get side-tracked often, but to finally be feeling like it is in reach is extraordinary. Our hearts are finally connecting and our ears are finally open enough to be faintly beginning to hear God speak to us. Events like last night give us the tools and motivation to help make His voice stronger and louder. Loud enough to be heard over the chaos that life can bring. Thankful and humbled to be on this journey with someone that is greater than my best friend. I also love the simple fact that we are laughing EVERY day together. Two things tend to show me the "health" of our marriage----the laughter and the depth of the prayers together. Sex/intimacy are important and can show "health" as well----but the real "thermometer" is the level of which we are enjoying being together JOYFULLY and the openness of prayers.
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