Though I definitely agree that a picture can speak volumes, I sometimes think the greatest stories are in the words untold. The behind the scenes. The rest of the story.
We've recently been talking in different Bible study groups, online book discussions, and in ministry/relationships about the affect of seeing everyone else's "perfect" life on social media. How it traps us in the comparison game and we walk away often feeling less than. We try to caution others, especially us women, to be careful not to compare our behind the scenes with someone's highlight reels. Scrolling through someone's newsfeed doesn't give the FULL picture. Though a picture may show they have it all together, we don't see what's outside the frame. We don't see the rest of the story.
This morning I opened up my newsfeed and, as it often happens, the first thing that I saw was something that facebook chose as a memory to remind me of. It typically randomly chooses one photo from this day of things I've posted over the last 10 years or so. I'm not sure what parameters and algorithms it uses to decide on the "one", but today's stopped me and just caused me such pause.
When it was posted 7 years ago on Facebook, it comes across as just a cute, cherished family picture at Kevin's annual family reunion. Our happy little family. All of us together and "almost" looking at the camera. Our sweet kids. Our restored marriage.
The rest of the story...
No one knew, aside from Kevin, that at that very moment, it took all I had to physically stand up, gather my family, and smile for the picture. The picture speaks a thousand words about a family, but it also speaks thousands others unsaid.
Just a few hours prior to leaving to make that 2.5 hour trip, I suffered a miscarriage. Though it was a very early one, it was still a loss of life, especially for those of us that fully believe life begins at conception. We had barely even wrapped our minds around the concept of child number 4 and we'd not told a single person at that point. We wanted to make and get through some initial appointments and get a feel of what was expected for this pregnancy. Though I GREATLY, almost OBSESSIVELY wanted a fourth, Kevin was VERY hesitant to make that choice. After Adriana was born and I was diagnosed with lupus, I was told absolutely no more children. It would either be very difficult to conceive and if so it could be dangerous. I didn't like that answer and my faith that God had a larger family in mind for us, baby #2 easily came. Though he was considered high risk and that entire pregnancy was driving two hours each way every week to be monitored at a specialty clinic, everything went well. That gave us confidence for #3 and though he was born healthy, some complications left me on complete bedrest for over half my pregnancy. Getting through that season was HARD, harder than even our closest family knew. Hard in general, but harder still when your husband's work commute was an hour and half each way and trying to maintain homeschool with the oldest and a bouncy 4 year old. Eek. Because of that season and how progressively harder it was on my body, Kev just wouldn't jump on board with us having another child, no matter how much I wanted or begged. Eventually (a very long path) I came to the same conclusion as he did and we were on the same page. So to say we were surprised the day that stick had two lines (and repeated a second time) was a major understatement. But, the shock was instantly replaced with joy and acceptance. No "oh no"or "ugh" about it. It was considered a gift and our faith knew that whatever was ahead, we'd handle. We figured if God had allowed us to conceive, it was meant to be. But, that news was gone in a flash and quickly replaced with deep sorrow and questioning. Still belief that God's plan was perfect and He was in control, just not the path we expected.
But at that moment, as we stood there for that family picture...
No one knew the heartache.
No one knew the "secret" still playing out.
Even Kevin didn't realize how hard it was going to hit me emotionally and for years to come.
No one knew the physical struggles taking place or the ones to immediately come as my body was about to go through a season of flare up that nearly broke me in countless ways. No one even knew in the coming days, other than a couple of close friends that jumped into help with my kids as that flare overtook and I couldn't keep up. We decided we'd share our news when we felt the time was right and to who we wanted to. A decision made together.
Everyone around at that moment just thought I was physically fighting a flare and we just left it at that. It wasn't like I was going to shout from the rooftop what was actually going on! We needed time to process in our hearts the roller coaster of emotions. Even though I was barely 6 weeks and we had yet to share our news, our hearts embraced that child. Even now, I find it very difficult this time of year, as I think of what was, what life would be like, and how different things might have been. I often even find it very difficult to attend his family reunion because of my emotional baggage that hangs around that time and place. Going back the next year was just almost too much for my heart to handle and since then it's been a "war zone" on my emotions, many times resulting in me staying home even if I could have gone. (Though this year none of us could go for multiple other reasons as well.)
That picture also showed no indication of what was to come. It would be just a few weeks later that we would get the news of my Dad's cancer diagnosis and that whirlwind. It was then that I knew partly why God had walked us down that path, though this side of heaven we won't have the full answers. I do know that had my pregnancy progressed, I would not have been able to spend that time with Dad and my family. A very difficult time as it was, would have been exponentially more difficult. There's no way my body and mind could have handled being in both places, most especially if I'd ended up on anticipated bedrest again. It was in sharing those thoughts of how God sometimes does things in His timing and His way because we can't see the whole picture that He does, created a whole other realm of heartache. Certain individuals didn't like how and when we decided to share our news of the loss we'd experienced. As a result, it was a catalyst that resulted in some that are no longer even in our lives because of their reaction and believing that Kevin and I didn't have the right to share on our terms.
With all that said, today, I see that picture that says one thing and to the world may reveal another. I look at the picture with joy because it always does something to a Momma's heart to see pictures of her children a few years back. To be reminded of how sweet they were and how "little". I do see a happy family.
But, now....
I see a family that has weathered many more storms and that has come through many battles, some the world saw and many more they didn't.
I see a Mom that held it all together when it was falling apart. I see a mom that learned to dig deep and get through some hard days. Many.
I see a new depth of faith that came about from the storms that were about to be unleashed. You sometimes don't know how deep your roots are until the storm hits.
I see a husband and wife that had already been through the deepest battles and had been restored and redeemed through some dark seasons (which is why REDEEMED remains prominently displayed the moment you walk into our house), being prepared for more storms. The rocky past and lessons learned carried us through the next hard seasons.
I see joy and hope about to resurface, even though not quite visible at that time.
And...I see short boys. :) Those no longer exist. One now towers far over us and we aren't short...and the other isn't far behind!
Though it did leave a catch in my throat this morning to see that picture and the emotions wrapped up in it (as the last few days have also been), I do look at it with joy. It reminds that when roots are deep and anchored in Him, they sustain. Had our faith been shallow, we would have been blown away.
No matter what you see on social media, don't fall into the comparison game. A picture never shows the full picture. Someone may have a big smile or look like life is wonderful, but can be falling apart on the inside. You may see their travels to exotic places and just a one tank trip a few hours away may be all that you can afford. You may see well-behaved kids or outstanding athletes, and you might be the one pulling yours off the shelves at the grocery store or have children with zero athletic ability. Their house may look pinterest perfect or their meals may be straight off a magazine cover and you may not be able to step over the mountain of laundry and gourmet to you may be another box of Hamburger Helper. At the end of the day, you must just feel like you don't measure up. Remember: they may have had to take a hundred pictures to get that ONE, they may be so in debt to afford that lifestyle or have to sacrifice somewhere you aren't wiling to compromise. For every pinterest success, there are dozens and dozen of fails. That well behaved child in today's picture, may have been the grocery shelf climber yesterday or tomorrow. That spotless looking picture, may just be cropped of all the clutter behind it. No one has it together ALL the time. WE ALL have our strengths and weaknesses. And, I guranatee, YOU have something that THEY are looking at and saying, "I wish I had."
Pictures do speak a thousand words. But they also have many many stories untold.
Just like mine that showed up today.....
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