But, I'm back. Ready to jump back in, dust off the keyboard, and put my thought back to "paper" once again.
I felt like I needed to step back for awhile and at the time I had no idea that the whispers in my heart would continue to say, "keep waiting". I finally felt like I had the "green light" to share what is on my heart once again, but that hit at the busiest season and time of life so I had to anxiously wait a bit longer.
Now that I'm back, I don't intend to spend a lot of time giving you a run down of what has been going on the last 13 months of life! I am sure that some of it will trickle down naturally through my future posts, but in general----it has been hard, it has been amazing, HE has done lots of REFINING and reshaping. I will also say that my year of being 40 was phenomenal in regards to finding a new confidence (or as I like to say God-fidence!) to be ME, more and more every day. The inside work He's been doing makes me look forward with great anticipation! Ladies---here's a side note---don't fear 40! It's actually freeing, fun, and worth celebrating.
I'll admit---this getting back online feels GOOD, but my goodness I am rusty! I couldn't even remember how to log on or even my own blog address. It's. Been. That. Long.
I think it's important to look back and learn from our mistakes, but it's more important to also look forward. When I forget that, I remember being asked a question. "Do you know why a car's rearview mirror is so small, but the windshield is so large?" We DO need to see where we've been and occasionally have to look back, but it's vital to be looking forward and have a wide, unobscured view.
Looking back, I took a break because of time constraints, my relationships weren't getting the best of me, I was letting "this" replace my individual one on one time with Him much too often, and dare-I-admit....my blog had become somewhat of an idol for me. The Bible clearly says to kick those to the curb! (putting it in my own words). An idol is anything that separates us or leads us astray from God. I obviously didn't purposely worship my blog, but I placed it on a pedestal and it began to slowly become an idol in my heart. Anything can become idols in our life. Even good things.
I recently read an article from HomeLife magazine that was reprinted on Lifeway.com.(Full Article Here) In this article, it summed it up really well. Idols make empty promises, obscure reality, consume resources, and robs joy. "Idolatry leaves you empty because idols are empty." Yes, that's where I found myself.
Spiritual spring cleaning was in order (and a very much ongoing process).
I also had become VERY overwhelmed with sharing so much of my heart, my faith, and my hopes. I TRULY wanted it to reach hearts and to be a ministry (STILL my main goal!), but I had become so broken and both emotionally and physically weighed down by wanting it to change hearts and not often seeing the fruits.
I had forgotten that I can plant, BUT ONLY HE CAN MAKE IT GROW.
Looking forward is where my focus now rests. I look forward with great anticipation. My heart is in a new place and the door is wide open for Him to work.
I have clear goals now.
Be me. No one else.
Step back anytime I feel that I'm putting Him second.
No getting caught up in numbers, comments, growth charts, etc.. My goal is for one. Reach one. Reach one more.
Remember that HE is the only one that can make ANYTHING grow.
With that said, here's to a new adventure. I'm currently reading "Simply Tuesday: Small Moment Living in a Fast-Moving World" by Emily Freeman. She says it best:
We plant, trusting God for the growth.
We act in faith, trusting God for the outcome.
We build, trusting God to fill.
We offer, trusting God with the response.
I'm back. Planting. Acting in faith. Building without being responsible for filling. Offering while trusting God.
Pretty sure that's a perfect way to be looking forward.