Monday, November 3, 2014

Cloudy Vision

This morning I literally woke up singing and so overwhelmed with the His goodness. 

It wasn't just a gradual thing as I was waking up and getting going.

It was overwhelming.

I also woke up with energy and overflowing joy that just hasn't been as present in my life the last few months as I have wanted.

With this unexpected feeling of vitality, I was up and fully dressed---as in I could walk out the door to church instead of just being in whatever I could find close by comfortable and then hit the floor running.  I had bedding stripped and in the washer, mattresses flipped and vacuumed, and even was cleaning blinds well before I'd normal even finally give in to the reality that I HAD to get up and going. 

When I got the boys going on their school work and while supervising math lessons of the day, I decided to get REALLY crazy and clean our windows. 

That's when God reached in and grabbed my heart yet again and taught me some valuable lessons.

I've been living in cloudy vision. I've been settling for the cloudy and not reaching for the clarity.

I knew our windows, specifically our bedroom windows, were needing to be cleaned because not only was it overdue but the large cornfields nearby had just been harvested and everything is a bit hazy.  I KNEW the outsides were filthy.  What I didn't realize was just how dirty they were from the inside.  They looked a bit dirty, not quite so sparkly, but they just didn't look "that bad".

Until I took that first swipe across one and saw the EXTREME difference.

By the time I had finished, it was as if I was seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time.

My heart is feeling that same way today.

I've been in a fog for months it seems.  Just not quite myself, though not miserable by any means.  Just a little bit hazy like those windows.  Partly it was from just the physical aspects of a HARD few months and a flare up that just wouldn't completely go away.  Partly it was just the HEAVINESS of multiple situations going on that have left me dinged, weary, walking in uncertainty and worry.  Just multiple things that I felt weighing me down and distracting me from the me I know He's called me to be.  Partly it was from being unwilling to let go of some hurt, holding onto some unforgiveness, bitterness and jealousy. Seasons of life can be like that!

But this morning....

I felt that weight lift almost in a physical sense. 

It began yesterday during worship at church.  Our sermon was on the glory of God---all things to His glory.  Worship was top notch and it felt as if the roof literally might lift off as song after song was sung from the heart about His greatness. My husband had warned me that I best hum along and not actually sing because of my recent oral surgery, but it was impossible.  I literally popped some of my sutures because I couldn't  NOT sing.  I figure that if you're going to accidentally break a few, there's no better way to do it than in worship. Right? :)

Then it continued at home as we worked together as a family and as a couple catching up on some things needing to be done.  My eyes kept being opened to the countless blessings around me that I've let get lost under the weight of life. 

Walls breaking.
Vision clearing.

Kevin and I spent quite a bit of time talking, reading through A LIFELONG LOVE (DON'T forget to enter the give-a-way!), reading and discussing Scripture, working on a couple of lessons in our "The Song" couple's Bible study of Song of Solomon  (Kyle Idleman). I was able to get school lessons plans pulled together and caught up/rearranged after missing a few days of school this last week.  Then we had a quite enjoyable, deep conversation with our daughter after she came in from church. 

It was a GREAT day. 

I was coming alive and I could feel it. 

Before going to bed, my husband began praying and it was one of those kind of prayers that broke walls and opened up the doors of heaven.  It was one of those that reminded me of why I fell in love with him in the beginning.

Then this morning...

I literally awakened with a song in my heart and weight off my shoulders.  I could feel Him closer than in a long time. 

My vision not so cloudy.
My heart more receptive.

My clearer vision has allowed me to see where I've been settling with "just ok".  Where I've let some things slide and need to reaffirm.  It's letting me see the cause of some of why my heart has been feeling distance and calloused and how I need to begin going about growing and changing in the right direction again. 

It's been a very busy and productive day and I just feel overjoyed, energized, and hopeful.  Even though I know that I have some not so easy changes to make (especially in my own attitudes and surrendering areas to Him), I feel it's time to step out in that direction of faith. 

Now that I can see through less clouded vision.

Sparkling windows remind me that it's far more than just the outside that may be filthy.  It may be the inside needing the most work. 

Cleaning windows.
Cleaning Hearts.

Clarity of vision.

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