Yesterday didn't start out good. Well, I should rephrase that. I didn't allow yesterday to start out in a good way. I was off-balance, easily irritated, and physically exhausted. Normally that wouldn't be enough to make a day "bad", but my attitude did. It stunk. Plain and simple.
My husband encouraged me to just get out of the house for a few minutes. Run out and splurge on a diet coke. (I kicked that MAJOR habit about a year ago, but
By the time I got back home I was already feeling much better, but I still just felt like I needed "more".
That "more" was waiting in the mailbox. God had shown up and left a little message for my heart.
I have been struggling with finding my "new" place in regards to ministry, connection, and what I say "yes" to versus "no" to. Since I've backed away from so many things in order to find exactly where God wants me instead of where I'm doing things on my "own", I've been hearing those lies of Satan in my head telling me the things I had been doing were pointless anyway. In the middle of this soul-searching and allowing God to direct on a new path of His leading, I've been feeling vulnerable and exhausted emotionally. I've felt much needed connection with my husband and children, but have been somewhat grieving the loss of connection with others in this process. Some friendships are proving that they are solid and growing by the day. Others, well...are showing that their foundation was based on the things I did for them. It hasn't been easy. Just being honest.
Waiting in the mailbox were two things that reached my heart and were like a direct connection from God to the deepest parts of me.
A letter, update, and picture from the child that we sponsor. It was completely unexpected and a much needed "connection" I was needing. It could have come on any day at any other time, but it arrived just when I was thinking in my heart of how I needed a boost to let me know that things we do matter. Just when I needed some doubts silenced.
Also waiting was something that blew my mind. There is no doubt that God provided. A check. A VERY unexpected check. It wasn't enough to run out and buy anything of significance. Maybe just a meal out and a few basic necessities. It however was more than enough for me to know that God is listening. You see, this check was for a bill we paid OVER 10 years ago. Yes, 10 years! I had weekly ultrasounds with Peyton from about 30 weeks on because they were concerned with a lupus complication that had developed and that had to be monitored to assure his viability. Since it wasn't usual to have them at such an increased frequency they had to be pre-approved by insurance. They quickly agreed with the necessity but some paperwork errors caused the first few to not have the radiologist's reading fee paid at the highest benefit amount. We ended up paying too much out of pocket. Fast forward to yesterday, 10 years plus after the fact.....they corrected that error. Are you serious? Does that REALLY happen? Yes it does, when God is sending a message to TRUST HIM in the big and little things. TRUST that HE is still in control and ready to pour out blessings!
All I needed yesterday was an attitude adjustment. I just needed the reminder that even in the little things, God is listening. He provided. He provided with a needed heart connection and He provided with a financial blessing. Though it wasn't a major boost to the budget, it was more than enough to remind us to trust Him. He has never failed before and He won't now. His timing may not line up with mine, but His is perfect!