My husband will probably not be pleased with me for sharing this story....
But....
:)
Work has been T.O.U.G.H for him. He's definitely going through some heavy trials and situations. So at the end of the day, he feels like his brain is mush. (Moms, we KNOW that feeling, too!). Earlier this week, he had *promised* to leave work on time (this is one area that he seldom fulfills, but it's also the area I offer the most grace...MOST of the time!). The last I heard about thirty minutes before his anticipated leaving time was that he was on track time-wise. He calls when he is leaving work and the clocked ticked on past the time he said. I didn't think much about it because....well....his intentions are always great....but.... :)
He finally called when he was rolling down the interstate and began to tell me a story that I may not let him live down. Well, at least not any time soon. Or maybe not until I give him the chance to laugh at me over something.
Apparently, he DID officially leave on time. Unfortunately, he got all the way out the door and to his car and realized he didn't have his keys. It's not a short walk to go back. Going back in through security and getting back to his office takes several minutes. He got back to his office and discovered that of course his office door was locked as it should be. Which meant he would have to go through a major hassle of finding someone with a master key. NOT something he wanted to do, most especially after the day he'd already had. As he walked off to start the search, he realized something. He realized something very important.
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
This is great...
The KEYS WERE IN HIS HANDS THE ENTIRE TIME!
Yes, he'd had them in his hands from the first moment he was standing at his car. He walked back in with them in his hand. Passing door after door....security checkpoint, etc...
In his hand.
Distracted to say the least.
Totally out of focus.
I laughed with him as he was telling the story driving home. Who am I kidding...I was laughing at him. We needed the laugh. The kids were rolling in the floor when I told them. It was a GREAT ice breaker after a hard day.
Today I'm not laughing.
I'm not laughing because God reminded me I'm in the same boat.
I'm living life distracted.
It's one of satan's greatest tools of destruction in a Christian's life.
Distract us from truth.
Distract us from God's calling.
Distract us from being focused on where our eyes should be fixed.
Distract us from letting God lead.
Distract us from growth by keeping us I bondage to our failures, instead of walking in grace and forgiveness.
I'm guilty of living distracted.
Too many things going on and not balancing my time efficiently.
Being too concerned with what others might think (surely I grew out of this at 15, right?).
Too caught up in fear and doubts to take the next step.
Having too many situations going on to have the ability to focus on just one or two (that's REAL life, right?).
Oh, the list could go on for so many countless distractions.
I'm no different than my husband was while standing there looking for keys that were in his hands the whole time.
I have keys that can unlock any door.
I have Christ LIVING in me.
I have HIS word that is ALIVE and POWERFUL.
I have the ability to pray prayers that can move mountains if I have the faith to believe in them.
I have the Holy Spirit. I was reminded today reading Luke 12 that the Holy Spirit is a TEACHER.
I have the keys...in my hand....
I just can't be so distracted from using them.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
Magnified Vision
I FINALLY broke down and bought something yesterday that I was needing.
Many of you probably have had one or multiples for many years.
I just never took the time to pick one up even though I've needed it on multiple occasions.
It's really a simple product. Rather inexpensive.
But...
It has the ability to make a difference. It changes the way you are able to see things.
As I've begin to "age" (refuse to say that I'm old though I'm knocking on the door of *gasp* 40!), I'm finding that it's not just gray hair that is overtaking. There are multiple signs beginning to scream at me that I'm definitely not in my 20s anymore. I have noticed one that is more apparent by the day...
My vision.
Though I had vision issues as a child and wore glasses from 1st grade until I was in High School, my issues corrected as expected they would in my teens. 20/20 became my friend. Unfortunately those days are behind me. Night vision---yuck! Finding myself increasing the font size on the computer and kindle DRASTICALLY. Living life out of focus often. Vision correction is in my near future (though overdue!).
So, last night, I bought a vanity mirror with magnification.
Taking care of the wayward eyebrows had become impossible without it! ;)
It's quite alarming the first time you see yourself THAT close up.
What? There are lines and wrinkles there?
What? My pores REALLY look like that?
Hey, wait----when did my eyelashes get THAT thin?
Getting up close and personal can well be....alarming. unnerving. shocking. eye-opening.
Yet, we sometimes need that new vision.
As I was looking in that mirror this morning, the Holy Spirit was pricking my heart. My thoughts immediately turned to the reminder that He is doing that with me. He's causing me to look deeper. Pulling off the masks. Getting down in the deep hidden caverns. Causing me to see the hidden sins that create a barrier between who I am and who He has designed me to be.
I can't just look at things with regular vision. I can't look at my heart as the world does.
I needs the magnification of His eyes.
I need to see myself through His vision.
I don't need to see myself through the lies that satan likes to put in front of my eyes.
I need the vision of His truth.
I need Him up close and personal.
He can see the scars and bring healing to the wounds that caused them.
He can see the doubts and cover them with His unending love and teach me to walk in faith.
He can see the questions, anger, and "real" me and doesn't run away.
He can see the sins and cover them with His grace and mercy.
He SEES me when I feel unseen.
He SEES me when I make the choices that make me different than the world and feel alone.
He SEES me when I make the wrong choices and gently convicts, never condemns.
Oh....HE SEES ME.
Through magnified vision. All-seeing. All-knowing. Ever-present.
He sees me and is there:
When I need direction (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Am tired and weary and He's ready to provide rest. (Matthew 11:28-30)
When something seems impossible. (Luke 18:27)
When I feel nobody loves me. (John 3:16)
When forgiveness seems out of reach. (Romans 8:1)
When the road feels to overwhelming and not worth it. (Romans 8:28)
When the future seems uncertain. (Jeremiah 29:11)
When I don't feel smart enough to handle a situation. (1 Corinthians 1:30)
When I don't feel able. (2 Corinthians 9:8)
When I just can't go on. When I'm weak and ready to quit. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
When I just can't do it. (Philippians 4:13)
When the need is great. (Philippians 4:19)
When I just feel alone. (Hebrews 13:5)
When I'm full of fear. (2 Timothy 1:7)
Through the scope of His vision, I am His. Complete. Unconditionally loved. Wrapped in grace. Belong. Capable. Worth dying for.
Many of you probably have had one or multiples for many years.
I just never took the time to pick one up even though I've needed it on multiple occasions.
It's really a simple product. Rather inexpensive.
But...
It has the ability to make a difference. It changes the way you are able to see things.
As I've begin to "age" (refuse to say that I'm old though I'm knocking on the door of *gasp* 40!), I'm finding that it's not just gray hair that is overtaking. There are multiple signs beginning to scream at me that I'm definitely not in my 20s anymore. I have noticed one that is more apparent by the day...
My vision.
Though I had vision issues as a child and wore glasses from 1st grade until I was in High School, my issues corrected as expected they would in my teens. 20/20 became my friend. Unfortunately those days are behind me. Night vision---yuck! Finding myself increasing the font size on the computer and kindle DRASTICALLY. Living life out of focus often. Vision correction is in my near future (though overdue!).
So, last night, I bought a vanity mirror with magnification.
Taking care of the wayward eyebrows had become impossible without it! ;)
It's quite alarming the first time you see yourself THAT close up.
What? There are lines and wrinkles there?
What? My pores REALLY look like that?
Hey, wait----when did my eyelashes get THAT thin?
Getting up close and personal can well be....alarming. unnerving. shocking. eye-opening.
Yet, we sometimes need that new vision.
As I was looking in that mirror this morning, the Holy Spirit was pricking my heart. My thoughts immediately turned to the reminder that He is doing that with me. He's causing me to look deeper. Pulling off the masks. Getting down in the deep hidden caverns. Causing me to see the hidden sins that create a barrier between who I am and who He has designed me to be.
I can't just look at things with regular vision. I can't look at my heart as the world does.
I needs the magnification of His eyes.
I need to see myself through His vision.
I don't need to see myself through the lies that satan likes to put in front of my eyes.
I need the vision of His truth.
I need Him up close and personal.
He can see the scars and bring healing to the wounds that caused them.
He can see the doubts and cover them with His unending love and teach me to walk in faith.
He can see the questions, anger, and "real" me and doesn't run away.
He can see the sins and cover them with His grace and mercy.
He SEES me when I feel unseen.
He SEES me when I make the choices that make me different than the world and feel alone.
He SEES me when I make the wrong choices and gently convicts, never condemns.
Oh....HE SEES ME.
Through magnified vision. All-seeing. All-knowing. Ever-present.
He sees me and is there:
When I need direction (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Am tired and weary and He's ready to provide rest. (Matthew 11:28-30)
When something seems impossible. (Luke 18:27)
When I feel nobody loves me. (John 3:16)
When forgiveness seems out of reach. (Romans 8:1)
When the road feels to overwhelming and not worth it. (Romans 8:28)
When the future seems uncertain. (Jeremiah 29:11)
When I don't feel smart enough to handle a situation. (1 Corinthians 1:30)
When I don't feel able. (2 Corinthians 9:8)
When I just can't go on. When I'm weak and ready to quit. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
When I just can't do it. (Philippians 4:13)
When the need is great. (Philippians 4:19)
When I just feel alone. (Hebrews 13:5)
When I'm full of fear. (2 Timothy 1:7)
Through the scope of His vision, I am His. Complete. Unconditionally loved. Wrapped in grace. Belong. Capable. Worth dying for.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
What if? Lessons from Luke
Marriage and parenting.
Two areas that can get messy quickly.
Two areas that we MUST surrender to God on a daily basis. Some days it seems like a minute to minute basis.
We can do neither area well without Christ living in us.
In both areas, I can feel how very incapable I am on my own. Quickly. Repeatedly.
These are two areas that can AND should drive us to our knees.
It's where God can shape us the most, require the most of us, and reveal to us Himself in the most powerful ways.
Last night I felt like I hit a wall with both areas.
It's crazy how a little issue can quickly become big. If you've been married more than a few days or been parents for any amount of time, you KNOW first hand that is true!
Fortunately, forgiveness, grace, and mercy (and stubbornness and relentless pursuit!) can pull things back in to order when we need it most.
This morning, needing to clear the cobwebs after a hard night and needing to redirect my focus back to where it needed to be, I spent time back in His word. To refuel. To refocus. To find those new mercies.
In recent months, I've been praying for Him to SPEAK through His word. To open my eyes and ears before I ever see one word. That prayer has been making a PROFOUND difference. It's taken me from reading "clinically" or from habit, to reading with purpose and expectation. Forcing me to slow down and read word for word. (I read very quickly and see a full line instead of just one word...which is how I can read so many books a year and a typical book in an hour or two.)
This morning, after feeling beat down from a rough situation....
He met me.
In His word.
Speaking to my heart.
I was mostly focused on reading in Luke.
1:6 both convicted and encouraged me in such a new way.
"Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord's commandments and regulations blamelessly."
It made me stop and get real. Get raw. Pull of the masks. Get transparent.
What would have to change in our lives for Kevin and I to have those words describing Zechariah and Elizabeth describe us? If those were to describe us, wouldn't that leave such a legacy? Wouldn't that be an incredible way to describe an individual and especially a couple?
I know this.
There's a big gap. MUCH area to grow in.
But to be considered UPRIGHT in the sight of God. Wow.
Though I also marked several more powerful verses, it was 2:40 that went deep in my heart the most.
"And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him."
What if...
What if we were to begin praying that for our children? What if we inserted their names and personalized that on their behalf? What if we even prayed it for ourselves since we are still growing and learning (no matter how old!)?
Is there anything greater that we want to know for our children than for them to have wisdom and have the grace of God upon them? They will be strong with those two attributes. With those two characteristics, they will grow in Christ.
What if...
we applied both of these verses to our lives.
Would it transform our families? (yes)
Would it allow God to change us in such a way that He could use us more and more? (yes)
Would it require some changes? (definitely yes)
Thankful this morning that God met me in His word. Redirecting my focus. Teaching me. Stretching me.
Two areas that can get messy quickly.
Two areas that we MUST surrender to God on a daily basis. Some days it seems like a minute to minute basis.
We can do neither area well without Christ living in us.
In both areas, I can feel how very incapable I am on my own. Quickly. Repeatedly.
These are two areas that can AND should drive us to our knees.
It's where God can shape us the most, require the most of us, and reveal to us Himself in the most powerful ways.
Last night I felt like I hit a wall with both areas.
It's crazy how a little issue can quickly become big. If you've been married more than a few days or been parents for any amount of time, you KNOW first hand that is true!
Fortunately, forgiveness, grace, and mercy (and stubbornness and relentless pursuit!) can pull things back in to order when we need it most.
This morning, needing to clear the cobwebs after a hard night and needing to redirect my focus back to where it needed to be, I spent time back in His word. To refuel. To refocus. To find those new mercies.
In recent months, I've been praying for Him to SPEAK through His word. To open my eyes and ears before I ever see one word. That prayer has been making a PROFOUND difference. It's taken me from reading "clinically" or from habit, to reading with purpose and expectation. Forcing me to slow down and read word for word. (I read very quickly and see a full line instead of just one word...which is how I can read so many books a year and a typical book in an hour or two.)
This morning, after feeling beat down from a rough situation....
He met me.
In His word.
Speaking to my heart.
I was mostly focused on reading in Luke.
1:6 both convicted and encouraged me in such a new way.
"Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord's commandments and regulations blamelessly."
It made me stop and get real. Get raw. Pull of the masks. Get transparent.
What would have to change in our lives for Kevin and I to have those words describing Zechariah and Elizabeth describe us? If those were to describe us, wouldn't that leave such a legacy? Wouldn't that be an incredible way to describe an individual and especially a couple?
I know this.
There's a big gap. MUCH area to grow in.
But to be considered UPRIGHT in the sight of God. Wow.
Though I also marked several more powerful verses, it was 2:40 that went deep in my heart the most.
"And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him."
What if...
What if we were to begin praying that for our children? What if we inserted their names and personalized that on their behalf? What if we even prayed it for ourselves since we are still growing and learning (no matter how old!)?
Is there anything greater that we want to know for our children than for them to have wisdom and have the grace of God upon them? They will be strong with those two attributes. With those two characteristics, they will grow in Christ.
What if...
we applied both of these verses to our lives.
Would it transform our families? (yes)
Would it allow God to change us in such a way that He could use us more and more? (yes)
Would it require some changes? (definitely yes)
Thankful this morning that God met me in His word. Redirecting my focus. Teaching me. Stretching me.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Stretch Marks
Stretch Marks.
Yes---stretch marks.
I was 22 when God gifted us with our first child. I wasn't stick thin by any means, but in those days I definitely could wear clothes sized in the single digits (and I've yet to see those days again!). I was extremely sick for nearly the first half of that pregnancy. I lost weight the first 16 weeks and was hospitalized more than once for fluids and meds. Many nights I slept in the bathroom floor because it took too much effort to move from bathroom to bedroom. Kevin became a pro at getting out of the way quickly because in the morning as soon as my eyes opened, I was literally sick. It wasn't a pleasant time, to say the least, but it was worth it. In the middle of this, Kevin's company moved us to Georgia and we literally lived in a hotel with practically nothing but a McDonalds, Waffle House, and a mom-n-pop restaurant nearby. As I began to slowly get over that hump of extreme morning sickness (24/7), my doctor told me to eat anything I craved. I had ground to make up. Plus, if I was craving it, I most likely would keep it down. With such limited food choices, that advice packed on the pounds. LOTS of pounds. After having lost around 20 pounds, I ended up gaining 65 pounds. That meant that in a span of 4.5 months I gained 85 pounds. Little Miss Adriana was only a tiny portion of that! Talking about some extreme stretch marks! Follow that about a year later by my lupus diagnosis and the beginning of massive amounts of steroids and other meds that quickly changed my metabolism and skin elasticity. Followed by two more kids and a few more years on this body. I'm walking around today with stretch marks nearly covering my full body and many of them are literally the width of two fingers! Yes---that is crazy!
But...
They are the evidence of having brought life into this world. They are a reminder of what the female human body is capable of doing. The scars are the results of a miracle.
I'm going through a different time in life now that is creating stretch marks. Stretch marks on my soul.
We can live life in such a way that we don't get them. We can float along. We can ignore God's call on our lives. We can be like many of the world and just act like we love Christ, but never put our faith in action. We can be a fan instead of a follower of Christ. We can sit on the sidelines.
But...
We miss what life is about. We miss the opportunities God has to change us. We miss hearing His voice. We miss out on being the person He designed us to be.
Growth isn't easy. I'll be honest. Sometimes it just plain hurts.
When He calls us to abandon what we thought we knew and look at things differently and from His perspective, it may hurt and it may stretch us.
When He calls us to step out in faith and trust Him, it can stretch us beyond our capacity.
When He calls us to forgive, it most definitely can stretch us beyond our own abilities. Most especially when that forgiveness comes situations that have left scars upon scars.
If Christ is going to dwell in us there WILL be stretch marks. We can't stay the same if we allow Him to shape us.
I love this imagery from this past advent season on "A Holy Experience" blog by Ann Voskamp. She had been beautifully describing Mary as she is stretched with Christ growing inside of her. Ann writes of how she herself had become focused on praying that she wanted her life to be a womb for God. "Come dwell in me, Lord. Come dwell in me."
To be a dwelling place of God, a womb for Christ, means to be extended, taken to one’s outer edges…stretched.
To be a womb for God means there will be stretch marks.
To be a womb for Christ, I’ll feel my inner walls, my boundaries, stretch.
Stretching the shape of a soul hurts.
I know for me, I want that to also be my prayer. "Come dwell in me."
Even as it stretches. Leaving marks behind. Because...
I want to be changed. I want to be a dwelling place for Him.
Yes---stretch marks.
I was 22 when God gifted us with our first child. I wasn't stick thin by any means, but in those days I definitely could wear clothes sized in the single digits (and I've yet to see those days again!). I was extremely sick for nearly the first half of that pregnancy. I lost weight the first 16 weeks and was hospitalized more than once for fluids and meds. Many nights I slept in the bathroom floor because it took too much effort to move from bathroom to bedroom. Kevin became a pro at getting out of the way quickly because in the morning as soon as my eyes opened, I was literally sick. It wasn't a pleasant time, to say the least, but it was worth it. In the middle of this, Kevin's company moved us to Georgia and we literally lived in a hotel with practically nothing but a McDonalds, Waffle House, and a mom-n-pop restaurant nearby. As I began to slowly get over that hump of extreme morning sickness (24/7), my doctor told me to eat anything I craved. I had ground to make up. Plus, if I was craving it, I most likely would keep it down. With such limited food choices, that advice packed on the pounds. LOTS of pounds. After having lost around 20 pounds, I ended up gaining 65 pounds. That meant that in a span of 4.5 months I gained 85 pounds. Little Miss Adriana was only a tiny portion of that! Talking about some extreme stretch marks! Follow that about a year later by my lupus diagnosis and the beginning of massive amounts of steroids and other meds that quickly changed my metabolism and skin elasticity. Followed by two more kids and a few more years on this body. I'm walking around today with stretch marks nearly covering my full body and many of them are literally the width of two fingers! Yes---that is crazy!
But...
They are the evidence of having brought life into this world. They are a reminder of what the female human body is capable of doing. The scars are the results of a miracle.
I'm going through a different time in life now that is creating stretch marks. Stretch marks on my soul.
We can live life in such a way that we don't get them. We can float along. We can ignore God's call on our lives. We can be like many of the world and just act like we love Christ, but never put our faith in action. We can be a fan instead of a follower of Christ. We can sit on the sidelines.
But...
We miss what life is about. We miss the opportunities God has to change us. We miss hearing His voice. We miss out on being the person He designed us to be.
Growth isn't easy. I'll be honest. Sometimes it just plain hurts.
When He calls us to abandon what we thought we knew and look at things differently and from His perspective, it may hurt and it may stretch us.
When He calls us to step out in faith and trust Him, it can stretch us beyond our capacity.
When He calls us to forgive, it most definitely can stretch us beyond our own abilities. Most especially when that forgiveness comes situations that have left scars upon scars.
If Christ is going to dwell in us there WILL be stretch marks. We can't stay the same if we allow Him to shape us.
I love this imagery from this past advent season on "A Holy Experience" blog by Ann Voskamp. She had been beautifully describing Mary as she is stretched with Christ growing inside of her. Ann writes of how she herself had become focused on praying that she wanted her life to be a womb for God. "Come dwell in me, Lord. Come dwell in me."
To be a dwelling place of God, a womb for Christ, means to be extended, taken to one’s outer edges…stretched.
To be a womb for God means there will be stretch marks.
To be a womb for Christ, I’ll feel my inner walls, my boundaries, stretch.
Stretching the shape of a soul hurts.
I know for me, I want that to also be my prayer. "Come dwell in me."
Even as it stretches. Leaving marks behind. Because...
I want to be changed. I want to be a dwelling place for Him.
It's Coming...
Hands down. Without a doubt.
This has been the worst winter in regards to frigid temps and snow after snow being dumped on us. Days, though few and far between, that actually hit the 20s just make us want to run out in shorts. Seriously. I have forgotten what the normal landscape looks like around here, because you just see white and massive piles from multiple trips from the snowplows.
But....
Spring IS coming. The great melt is coming. Slowly but surely. It WILL arrive.
We will see green again. We WILL see the gorgeous colors of spring.
It WILL get here.
Hints of it in our very near future. We may have some temporary snows before it's completely gone for the season. We may have some dips back down into the frigid....but it's so close we can just reach out and almost grasp it.
I may end up walking around with mesh imprints on my face from looking out the backdoor with my face smooshed against the screen.
I want to just cheer on the sun and let it know...."I think I can, I think I can....".
I want to cast out a fishing line with a giant hook and just reel it in close.
It's coming.
The rain may come with it before long. The battle of caked on road salt leading to rust (Miss Gidget---our paid for van---definitely is showing those scars!) will give way to mud. The task of keeping the hardwood clean from tracking in wet snow, countless pieces of ice melt and road grime has been a battle I've not been able to win. Despite mopping MULTIPLE times a day, I still can't keep it under control and there are no longer any such thing as white socks around here right now even though I battle it head on. The salt and melting ice/snow will soon be replaced with muddy footprints.
But I'll take it.
What I'm learning is that in the middle of the mess, you just have to keep going on. Do all you can to fight the battles, but keep going on.
LIFE is messy.
It's NEVER simple.
There's always something frustrating. Stressful. Uncertain. Heartbreaking.
But...
There is so much more to be ever thankful for.
More than we can even conceive and count. Even living a life of practicing gratitude comes up short because we just really can't see how very much God blesses us with EVERY single day.
In the middle of the mess....
Just worship. Seek Him. Praise Him. (Please note: I'm preaching LOUD and CLEAR to myself!).
There's always going to be something to drag us down. That's one of satan's biggest weapons. Drag us down to keep our eyes from Him.
Just as we know spring IS coming and we are craving it like never before----so is victory. So is healing. So is that answer to a prayer. So is that......whatever it is....
It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow.
BUT...
It.
Is.
Coming.
The winter makes us more thankful for the spring. The failures make us more thankful for the successes. The sorrow makes us more appreciative of the joy. The complicated makes us embrace the simple.
Until the spring arrives (or the victory/answer we all are needing in our current lives), worship where we are.
This morning, I heard the best quote I've ever heard about being in the middle of the storm while watching a Woman of Faith webcast from Shelia Walsh with guest Judah Smith. I missed it last night because I was involved in 3 different facebook "parties" for different events going on or coming up and took the time in the quiet of our "slow" Wednesday mornings to watch it.
"Sometimes you've just got to worship wet!"
We can find it easier to worship when the storm is over. When God has already performed His miracle or provided the need. It's easier to worship when we are dry. When the storm has passed. When the rain has stopped. It's so much easier to worship then.
But...
It's the during the storm worship that is amazing. (Always loved "Praise You in the Storm" by Casting Crowns. Who am I kidding...I've yet to find a Casting Crowns song that doesn't have a powerful message!). Praising during the storm is when we should be singing our loudest. It's revealing our character and who lives inside us. It's showing our trust in hard situations. It's showing that we can't do anything in our own power. As Shelia said on the webcast, it's like you're declaring to God, I know "You've Got This." Judah mentioned that he wants to be a believer that sees God in the middle of the storm because he was looking for Him, not just when the storm is over and he looks back. I want to be that believer just as much.
I love how they talked about that when you FEAST upon the word of God, you can weather REAL storms, not just windy weather. Shelia talked about how we sometimes as Christians can act like scripture is a box of chocolate. We can take little nibbles out of each piece trying to find our favorite flavors, leaving the rest behind. We end up with incomplete theology and a shaky picture of what it means to be in relationship with Christ. Then when troubles, disappointments, or loss hit---the bits we chewed off aren't truly enough to sustain us.
That hit home.
A very visual reminder for me (everyone knows I'm visual---which is why I have scripture and inspirational quotes EVERYWHERE you look in our home and why I value so greatly cards and notes from encouraging people so much).
I can't sustain my relationship with Him on bits and pieces. I have to feast.
I can't just worship and praise Him when a storm has passed. Yes, that praise is VITAL. Yet, it's the during the storm that has the greatest potential of value.
My kids (and ummm.....their mother!) LOVE to play in the rain. We've been known to just go out and play in it. I think Bradlee's last birthday party ended up being one of his greatest memories because despite the fact that we were having a super soaker water gun party and it decided to DOWNPOUR, we played anyway. I am still a big kid when it comes to mud puddles. I think one of the best reasons God give me boys despite me hesitancy was that they give me an excuse to be messy!
Hearing that reference of worshipping while wet, just reminded me of throwing down the umbrellas. Splashing in the puddles. Not avoiding getting soaked. Not caring what others think about how we look.
Spring is coming. Victory is coming. Answers are just around the corner.
But while waiting....
I'm going to find more ways to toss out the umbrella. I'm going to huddle under the safety of the garage much less.
I'm going to worship Him. While I'm waiting. While I'm seeking. In the middle of the storm.
However, if you drive by in a few weeks (ok---realistically a few months for those of us that aren't in the south!), and you see a crazy woman jumping in puddles and dancing around....please....please....just look the other way. Deal?
This has been the worst winter in regards to frigid temps and snow after snow being dumped on us. Days, though few and far between, that actually hit the 20s just make us want to run out in shorts. Seriously. I have forgotten what the normal landscape looks like around here, because you just see white and massive piles from multiple trips from the snowplows.
But....
Spring IS coming. The great melt is coming. Slowly but surely. It WILL arrive.
We will see green again. We WILL see the gorgeous colors of spring.
It WILL get here.
Hints of it in our very near future. We may have some temporary snows before it's completely gone for the season. We may have some dips back down into the frigid....but it's so close we can just reach out and almost grasp it.
I may end up walking around with mesh imprints on my face from looking out the backdoor with my face smooshed against the screen.
I want to just cheer on the sun and let it know...."I think I can, I think I can....".
I want to cast out a fishing line with a giant hook and just reel it in close.
It's coming.
The rain may come with it before long. The battle of caked on road salt leading to rust (Miss Gidget---our paid for van---definitely is showing those scars!) will give way to mud. The task of keeping the hardwood clean from tracking in wet snow, countless pieces of ice melt and road grime has been a battle I've not been able to win. Despite mopping MULTIPLE times a day, I still can't keep it under control and there are no longer any such thing as white socks around here right now even though I battle it head on. The salt and melting ice/snow will soon be replaced with muddy footprints.
But I'll take it.
What I'm learning is that in the middle of the mess, you just have to keep going on. Do all you can to fight the battles, but keep going on.
LIFE is messy.
It's NEVER simple.
There's always something frustrating. Stressful. Uncertain. Heartbreaking.
But...
There is so much more to be ever thankful for.
More than we can even conceive and count. Even living a life of practicing gratitude comes up short because we just really can't see how very much God blesses us with EVERY single day.
In the middle of the mess....
Just worship. Seek Him. Praise Him. (Please note: I'm preaching LOUD and CLEAR to myself!).
There's always going to be something to drag us down. That's one of satan's biggest weapons. Drag us down to keep our eyes from Him.
Just as we know spring IS coming and we are craving it like never before----so is victory. So is healing. So is that answer to a prayer. So is that......whatever it is....
It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow.
BUT...
It.
Is.
Coming.
The winter makes us more thankful for the spring. The failures make us more thankful for the successes. The sorrow makes us more appreciative of the joy. The complicated makes us embrace the simple.
Until the spring arrives (or the victory/answer we all are needing in our current lives), worship where we are.
This morning, I heard the best quote I've ever heard about being in the middle of the storm while watching a Woman of Faith webcast from Shelia Walsh with guest Judah Smith. I missed it last night because I was involved in 3 different facebook "parties" for different events going on or coming up and took the time in the quiet of our "slow" Wednesday mornings to watch it.
"Sometimes you've just got to worship wet!"
We can find it easier to worship when the storm is over. When God has already performed His miracle or provided the need. It's easier to worship when we are dry. When the storm has passed. When the rain has stopped. It's so much easier to worship then.
But...
It's the during the storm worship that is amazing. (Always loved "Praise You in the Storm" by Casting Crowns. Who am I kidding...I've yet to find a Casting Crowns song that doesn't have a powerful message!). Praising during the storm is when we should be singing our loudest. It's revealing our character and who lives inside us. It's showing our trust in hard situations. It's showing that we can't do anything in our own power. As Shelia said on the webcast, it's like you're declaring to God, I know "You've Got This." Judah mentioned that he wants to be a believer that sees God in the middle of the storm because he was looking for Him, not just when the storm is over and he looks back. I want to be that believer just as much.
I love how they talked about that when you FEAST upon the word of God, you can weather REAL storms, not just windy weather. Shelia talked about how we sometimes as Christians can act like scripture is a box of chocolate. We can take little nibbles out of each piece trying to find our favorite flavors, leaving the rest behind. We end up with incomplete theology and a shaky picture of what it means to be in relationship with Christ. Then when troubles, disappointments, or loss hit---the bits we chewed off aren't truly enough to sustain us.
That hit home.
A very visual reminder for me (everyone knows I'm visual---which is why I have scripture and inspirational quotes EVERYWHERE you look in our home and why I value so greatly cards and notes from encouraging people so much).
I can't sustain my relationship with Him on bits and pieces. I have to feast.
I can't just worship and praise Him when a storm has passed. Yes, that praise is VITAL. Yet, it's the during the storm that has the greatest potential of value.
My kids (and ummm.....their mother!) LOVE to play in the rain. We've been known to just go out and play in it. I think Bradlee's last birthday party ended up being one of his greatest memories because despite the fact that we were having a super soaker water gun party and it decided to DOWNPOUR, we played anyway. I am still a big kid when it comes to mud puddles. I think one of the best reasons God give me boys despite me hesitancy was that they give me an excuse to be messy!
Hearing that reference of worshipping while wet, just reminded me of throwing down the umbrellas. Splashing in the puddles. Not avoiding getting soaked. Not caring what others think about how we look.
Spring is coming. Victory is coming. Answers are just around the corner.
But while waiting....
I'm going to find more ways to toss out the umbrella. I'm going to huddle under the safety of the garage much less.
I'm going to worship Him. While I'm waiting. While I'm seeking. In the middle of the storm.
However, if you drive by in a few weeks (ok---realistically a few months for those of us that aren't in the south!), and you see a crazy woman jumping in puddles and dancing around....please....please....just look the other way. Deal?
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
This is only a test....
Sunday morning our sermon message was about the passage in Matthew 15 that talks about the faith of the Canaanite woman (and it's also in Mark 7, she's the Syrophoenician woman ). I loved that our pastor talked about this passage and admitted that he had struggled with understanding it for a long time. I, too, had wondered why Jesus seemed so "rude" in his response.
I loved how he talked about that it was a test. A test of her faith. A test of the response of the disciples to see how much they had grown in their learning that more than just a "select" few are worthy of His time. Had they learned to move beyond their prejudice? Had they learned that no one was inferior?
In this case, they failed. They still had learning to do. They would need more testing and remedial learning along the way. It isn't until later in Acts that we see them begin to pass the test and realize that people were created equal and equally loved by God regardless of their heritage/nationality/etc...
The woman: she passed the test. Her faith was strong. She had grit. She wouldn't take His initial silence as the final answer. She was pleading for her child. She had endurance and she passed the faith test.
In that story, the disciples failed the love test. The woman, passed the faith and endurance test. He refers to the disciples as having little faith (think of them later on the ship as the waves were threatening). In verse 28 he says "O woman, great is your faith". She had prevailed. She had not given up, even when she thought He was silent on the issue.
The message really hit home last night as Kevin and I were out on our weekly date. I realized we are in that same spot.
This is only a test....
We are finding ourselves in a tough spots. Struggling under some very heavy loads.
I told him that it felt overwhelming that we seemed to be back in the same situations that we found ourselves in several years ago. I wasn't happy about it. OK----I was having a meltdown over it. In the middle of a Walgreens parking lot (we seem to have major conversations and life changing moments in pharmacy parking lots for some strange reasons....such as our commitment to stop running from our calling to the foreign mission field!). I wasn't kicking and screaming like a 2 year old, but I wasn't far from it. I was livid that it seems like we are on repeat cycle.
Then it hit me.
Sunday's message. Just over 24 hours later.
This is only a test....
The words very clearly were spoken to my heart and a sudden peace filled me from head to toe.
The first time we found ourselves in similar predicaments, we failed. Miserably. One problem rolled into another. Life fell apart. Our marriage barely held together. Our faith was shredded. We really began to lose our way. We took our eyes off of Him because we didn't think He was close by. We tried to fix problems in our own power. We ignored situations. We made bad decisions. We reacted to situations instead of proactively seeking wise counsel. When the going got tough....we crumbled. We failed the test. Miserably. Over and over.
This is only a test....
Though we don't want to be facing the struggles we are finding ourselves knee deep in and we didn't bring them on ourselves by poor decisions. We still find ourselves here...again.
The difference is we failed the first rounds.
This time we won't.
Our eyes are not coming off of His. We are seeking Him first instead of last. We are battling with weapons of spiritual warfare. We are pulling together and embracing our "stronger. together" family and marriage focus. We aren't battling each other; we realize we are on the same team, fighting for the same purposes. We aren't going down without fight. We see the battle for what it is: Satan's attempt to divide us so that we won't go forward with what we know God has intended for us. He is trying to derail us before we even get our foot in the door.
The battle is hard. We find ourselves facing discouragement like we've not dealt with in a long time. We feel bruised, battered, and worn down....
BUT....
This is only a test....
and we won't fail.
We are going to pass the faith and endurance test. We are trusting in Him. We aren't backing down.
Though we don't want to face the struggles and would prefer the easy way, we know the power of the Refiner's Fire. It's never pleasant in the process, but the results are spectacular.
Though we would prefer to not have to fight battles, we do KNOW that we will prevail and that He will lead us along the path that draws us to Him.
This is only a test....
This is our second chance (or third, fifth, or thousandth!) to do what we should have done the first round(s). This is our chance to show what we've learned. This is our chance to draw from the failures. This is our chance to LET HIM SHINE.
This is only a test....
This is when we turn in our test paper and get the passing grade. This is when we wait to hear the words, "O, woman (man) great is your faith." We aren't going to let the "little faith" drag us down in the pits of the places we went through before.
I loved how he talked about that it was a test. A test of her faith. A test of the response of the disciples to see how much they had grown in their learning that more than just a "select" few are worthy of His time. Had they learned to move beyond their prejudice? Had they learned that no one was inferior?
In this case, they failed. They still had learning to do. They would need more testing and remedial learning along the way. It isn't until later in Acts that we see them begin to pass the test and realize that people were created equal and equally loved by God regardless of their heritage/nationality/etc...
The woman: she passed the test. Her faith was strong. She had grit. She wouldn't take His initial silence as the final answer. She was pleading for her child. She had endurance and she passed the faith test.
In that story, the disciples failed the love test. The woman, passed the faith and endurance test. He refers to the disciples as having little faith (think of them later on the ship as the waves were threatening). In verse 28 he says "O woman, great is your faith". She had prevailed. She had not given up, even when she thought He was silent on the issue.
The message really hit home last night as Kevin and I were out on our weekly date. I realized we are in that same spot.
This is only a test....
We are finding ourselves in a tough spots. Struggling under some very heavy loads.
I told him that it felt overwhelming that we seemed to be back in the same situations that we found ourselves in several years ago. I wasn't happy about it. OK----I was having a meltdown over it. In the middle of a Walgreens parking lot (we seem to have major conversations and life changing moments in pharmacy parking lots for some strange reasons....such as our commitment to stop running from our calling to the foreign mission field!). I wasn't kicking and screaming like a 2 year old, but I wasn't far from it. I was livid that it seems like we are on repeat cycle.
Then it hit me.
Sunday's message. Just over 24 hours later.
This is only a test....
The words very clearly were spoken to my heart and a sudden peace filled me from head to toe.
The first time we found ourselves in similar predicaments, we failed. Miserably. One problem rolled into another. Life fell apart. Our marriage barely held together. Our faith was shredded. We really began to lose our way. We took our eyes off of Him because we didn't think He was close by. We tried to fix problems in our own power. We ignored situations. We made bad decisions. We reacted to situations instead of proactively seeking wise counsel. When the going got tough....we crumbled. We failed the test. Miserably. Over and over.
This is only a test....
Though we don't want to be facing the struggles we are finding ourselves knee deep in and we didn't bring them on ourselves by poor decisions. We still find ourselves here...again.
The difference is we failed the first rounds.
This time we won't.
Our eyes are not coming off of His. We are seeking Him first instead of last. We are battling with weapons of spiritual warfare. We are pulling together and embracing our "stronger. together" family and marriage focus. We aren't battling each other; we realize we are on the same team, fighting for the same purposes. We aren't going down without fight. We see the battle for what it is: Satan's attempt to divide us so that we won't go forward with what we know God has intended for us. He is trying to derail us before we even get our foot in the door.
The battle is hard. We find ourselves facing discouragement like we've not dealt with in a long time. We feel bruised, battered, and worn down....
BUT....
This is only a test....
and we won't fail.
We are going to pass the faith and endurance test. We are trusting in Him. We aren't backing down.
Though we don't want to face the struggles and would prefer the easy way, we know the power of the Refiner's Fire. It's never pleasant in the process, but the results are spectacular.
Though we would prefer to not have to fight battles, we do KNOW that we will prevail and that He will lead us along the path that draws us to Him.
This is only a test....
This is our second chance (or third, fifth, or thousandth!) to do what we should have done the first round(s). This is our chance to show what we've learned. This is our chance to draw from the failures. This is our chance to LET HIM SHINE.
This is only a test....
This is when we turn in our test paper and get the passing grade. This is when we wait to hear the words, "O, woman (man) great is your faith." We aren't going to let the "little faith" drag us down in the pits of the places we went through before.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Don't Let Me Forget
There's this phrase that has been hanging around in my spirit so much lately. It doesn't want to go away and truth is, I don't want it to.
It did start out hanging around in a dark moment of sadness, but now it's serving as a reminder of other things.
"Don't Let Me Forget"....
It started with the heaviness in my heart that I'm afraid I'm beginning to forget.
What he sounded like.
What he smelled like.
What it felt like to have his presence in the room.
What it felt like to see him come alive when his grandkids were nearby. He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders when we were all growing up and though he wasn't able to play and laugh with us as much, he definitely made up for that with the grandkids.
So many little things I'm afraid I'm beginning to forget or have to try REALLY hard to keep at the forefront of my memory.
"Don't let me forget!"
Some days it's been almost a panic feeling of wondering what it is that I'm beginning to forget. I'm not forgetting him. Not forgetting his impact. Just some of the little things that fade with time. So many things that we are all guilty of taking for granted and don't understand the value of until we no longer have it.
That "Don't let me forget" is beginning to go deeper and deeper in my heart in a more intimate way.
Instead of the focus just on the details I think I'm forgetting, I'm remembering the other things I don't want to forget.
How God is present with us in the greatest storms of life. How in our darkest moments, the ones that rob us of any solid ground we thought we were standing on, He is there. He truly can work the difficult things into good.
I look back over my life and it truly has been in the hardest moments, the biggest trials, the greatest heartache that His presence has truly been the most apparent. The moments that there is nothing left to give of ourselves that He shines the greatest. The moments of desperation and brokenness. He truly is made greatest in our weakness.
Don't let me forget that.
Don't let me forget that He's always provided exactly what was needed. Even when the timing didn't seem fast enough. Even when what I thought I needed came in a different form. Even when I thought it would be best to not have to go through a particular situation. Even when I thought what He was asking made no sense or was too uncomfortable.
Don't let me forget that little things truly matter. Guarding our hearts and minds is crucial to living a life that allows the Holy Spirit to shape us and refine us. I can't act like the world and expect to hear His voice loud and clear. Don't let me forget that those little moments of bonding with my husband, children, friend in need, etc.. TRULY do matter. They can impact generations to come. Don't let me forget that every nose wiped, tear caught, lesson taught and retaught, and every moment hidden from the world that seems insignificant does matters. Regardless of whoever else thinks it matters. Regardless of the days that I feel invisible or overlooked.
Don't let me forget that though I've faced extreme rejection, He has NEVER rejected. He has always had His arms open wide.
Don't let me forget to whom I belong. What I stand for.
Don't let me forget to show love, grace, and mercy.
Don't let me forget to offer and accept forgiveness of myself and others.
Don't let me forget that there is no need for perfection in myself or those around me, especially from my husband and children. Don't let me forget that my children need grace, love, and acceptance as they try to navigate living and learning. Don't let me forget that they are not me and they have their own paths.
Don't let me forget that when I think life is hard, it truly is easy. So many are walking paths that are so difficult that words can't describe.
Don't let me forget what it felt like to walk in darkness in the depths of depression so that I never slip down that path again. Don't let me forget what feeling and embracing the light of hope felt like.
Don't let me forget the despair of brokenness and the healing that came through restoration. A falling apart at every seam marriage made whole and thriving.
Don't let me forget the little things....
or the big things.
Let me remember what matters most. Let me never forget who I am. Let me never forget the purpose He has for me.
Don't let me forget.
It did start out hanging around in a dark moment of sadness, but now it's serving as a reminder of other things.
"Don't Let Me Forget"....
It started with the heaviness in my heart that I'm afraid I'm beginning to forget.
What he sounded like.
What he smelled like.
What it felt like to have his presence in the room.
What it felt like to see him come alive when his grandkids were nearby. He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders when we were all growing up and though he wasn't able to play and laugh with us as much, he definitely made up for that with the grandkids.
So many little things I'm afraid I'm beginning to forget or have to try REALLY hard to keep at the forefront of my memory.
"Don't let me forget!"
Some days it's been almost a panic feeling of wondering what it is that I'm beginning to forget. I'm not forgetting him. Not forgetting his impact. Just some of the little things that fade with time. So many things that we are all guilty of taking for granted and don't understand the value of until we no longer have it.
That "Don't let me forget" is beginning to go deeper and deeper in my heart in a more intimate way.
Instead of the focus just on the details I think I'm forgetting, I'm remembering the other things I don't want to forget.
How God is present with us in the greatest storms of life. How in our darkest moments, the ones that rob us of any solid ground we thought we were standing on, He is there. He truly can work the difficult things into good.
I look back over my life and it truly has been in the hardest moments, the biggest trials, the greatest heartache that His presence has truly been the most apparent. The moments that there is nothing left to give of ourselves that He shines the greatest. The moments of desperation and brokenness. He truly is made greatest in our weakness.
Don't let me forget that.
Don't let me forget that He's always provided exactly what was needed. Even when the timing didn't seem fast enough. Even when what I thought I needed came in a different form. Even when I thought it would be best to not have to go through a particular situation. Even when I thought what He was asking made no sense or was too uncomfortable.
Don't let me forget that little things truly matter. Guarding our hearts and minds is crucial to living a life that allows the Holy Spirit to shape us and refine us. I can't act like the world and expect to hear His voice loud and clear. Don't let me forget that those little moments of bonding with my husband, children, friend in need, etc.. TRULY do matter. They can impact generations to come. Don't let me forget that every nose wiped, tear caught, lesson taught and retaught, and every moment hidden from the world that seems insignificant does matters. Regardless of whoever else thinks it matters. Regardless of the days that I feel invisible or overlooked.
Don't let me forget that though I've faced extreme rejection, He has NEVER rejected. He has always had His arms open wide.
Don't let me forget to whom I belong. What I stand for.
Don't let me forget to show love, grace, and mercy.
Don't let me forget to offer and accept forgiveness of myself and others.
Don't let me forget that there is no need for perfection in myself or those around me, especially from my husband and children. Don't let me forget that my children need grace, love, and acceptance as they try to navigate living and learning. Don't let me forget that they are not me and they have their own paths.
Don't let me forget that when I think life is hard, it truly is easy. So many are walking paths that are so difficult that words can't describe.
Don't let me forget what it felt like to walk in darkness in the depths of depression so that I never slip down that path again. Don't let me forget what feeling and embracing the light of hope felt like.
Don't let me forget the despair of brokenness and the healing that came through restoration. A falling apart at every seam marriage made whole and thriving.
Don't let me forget the little things....
or the big things.
Let me remember what matters most. Let me never forget who I am. Let me never forget the purpose He has for me.
Don't let me forget.
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